Women more susceptible to depression, mental health issues —Lady Gwen Oshoniyi

Lady Gwen Oshoniyi, an experienced media consultant and author, speaks with WALE AKINSELURE on how women should handle issues ranging from depression to mental health, societal pressures and the culture of silence, among others.

You wrote the book, ‘Naked & Squared, Surviving Depression- A Media Girl’s Perspective,’ what personal experiences prompted you to write the book?

Far too many life experiences; the major thing was that I wanted to vent and scream out my pain through writing. Was it the loss of my mother and the hurt I felt seeing other children with their mothers, or the loss and pain I felt when my elder sister or when my father died? Or the pain that comes from not being married nor having children of your own and people rubbing it in and so on? The pain, rejection and agony I felt most times became a propellant for me to write. When I shared my first draft with my publisher Adejoke Oyekan, it resonated with her and at that point I realised that pain, loss, grief and depression weren’t peculiar to me alone. My purpose changed from the need to vent to the desire to share, support others through their journey and into healing. And, where necessary, nudge them to get help.

What are the sources of depression that women face?

It is important to understand that depression and mental health issues are not gender, age, race, ethnicity, or religion based specific. For instance, adolescent males are more likely to have anger issues, engage in high-risk behaviours. Mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, destructive behaviours, post-trauma stress, disorders and so on, affect both men and women, but not in equal measures. According to the Mental Health Foundation UK -2017, women are three times more likely than men to experience common mental health problems. Furthermore, the Lagos State Mental Health Survey (LSMHS) in 2018 said that the difference between the point prevalence for symptoms of depression in females is (6.3 percent, s.e 0.3) and males (4.4 percent, s.e 0.3). This is to buttress the importance of your question that more women are likely diagnosed with depression and other mental health problems than men, because some people feel society is placing too much emphasis on women and mental health than that of the men. More and more women are likely to develop depression from marital or relationship problems, work-life balance issues, financial troubles as many women are not economically empowered, and reproductive health issues such as ovarian cancer, fibroid, PCOS, endometriosis and so on. As we say in Nigeria, women go through a lot and that’s why they are more susceptible to depression and other mental health issues.

What peculiar pressures does society impose on women?

Women, right from a tender age, are nurtured and expected to behave in a certain way or do things traditionally believed to be a girl child or woman’s role. For instance, a girl child must be trained in housekeeping routines while the male children are trained to do the mechanical work. We are stereotypical in the way we nurture our children. Societal expectations in the area of marriage for women are so high that once you fall out of them, you’re unhappy with life. There are many single women at 33 who are not just agitated but depressed because they are not married and society make them feel insecure about something they have no control over. So it is in the area of childbearing, beauty and so on. Our definition of sex appeal and attractiveness has changed and that’s why the rate of women bleaching or lightening up their skin, boobs and butt enlargement (BBL), have drastically increased. The sale of body shapers is on the rise all for beauty standards.

What mental health challenges do women face?

Women face a lot of mental health challenges from sexual assault, eating disorders, pregnancy or miscarriages, trauma, depression, anxiety and loneliness or isolation but the most common is depression. And this is due to the fact that women think and process differently, certain hormones in women and by nature women empathise more.

In what ways is the society unfair, discriminatory against women?

We are still talking about gender-based violence against women, unequal treatment in the workplace such as unequal payments, unaffordable or availability of healthcare services for women and lack of access to education. Some poor families in Nigeria still make choices of educating a male child as a priority than a female child. Discrimination in education is a major concern. Where an intending employer feels a woman does not deserve a certain pay grade because she has less responsibilities or negotiation power is not empowering. Even in leadership roles, women are not easily given such opportunities because most people in leadership would rather prefer a male gender. These beliefs and stereotypes don’t empower women nor bring a societal shift and impact. And, until we begin to harness the potentials and resources God has put in every man, irrespective of gender, we may not be able to create a balance to build a well informed society and systems.

How should singles/married women deal with broken relationships/marriage?

We recently had a programme to launch my book called NAKED AND SQUARED: Surviving Depression – A Media Girl’s Perspective and at that event one of the guests, T.F Stephano, said women should stop bemoaning their past relationships and move on. Truth is we process life differently but I believe the more we see women who have gone through what the other woman is going through and has succeeded or living her life galantly then we will begin to understand that women too can rise from their ashes. A man loses his wife and in a few months is already getting married, while most will halt our lives at the expense of our peace. I know a few female media moguls who had failed marriages, yet made great exploits in other areas of life. I know many women in media, entertainment, banking etc who are single in their 40s but decided to live and make an impact or have divorced/separated from their marriages more than once but they made a choice to make the best out of their lives. There are many popular examples of women out there without mentioning names. The heartbreaks are part of life, they may come too frequently or to such a degree that it breaks one, but my advice is seek support and get help to heal. Don’t stay there, move on and let your light shine to the world. Success is the best revenge for every bad relationship that turned sore.

Where should females seek therapy when the world seems against them?

Hmm! Generally, the words we hear can either make or break us. A statement of brokenness can be destructive and devastating. Sometimes, the messages you hear from faith based people and platforms may not be enough to surmount the challenge(s), hence there is no shame in seeking a more formal and structured approach such as psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists. Although, some of the people in private practices might be expensive or financially out of reach for someone who is economically unstable and that’s where I will recommend the government hospitals like Yaba Psychiatric Hospital, LUTH, UCH, basically all teaching hospitals in Nigeria have a psychiatric department at least start from there. May I also state that the stigmatisation that comes from public admittance of having mental health issues or walking into psychiatric institutions or departments should not affect you, put your mental wellness first above the discrimination and stigma.

How can the culture of silence change especially when females are victimized?

We need to speak out, not speaking out makes the perpetrator feel it is okay or they are doing something good. I remembered I once worked for this organisation where my employers were bullies who undermined my authority to dehumanises me just so as to break me into submission. For months into years, I didn’t fight back nor speak out until so much harm was done to me leading me into depression and anxiety. I was swallowing their maltreatment because I felt like they made me believe it was to help me improve my leadership skills. Those after me that worked with them didn’t speak out too, neither did I and they continued with those destructive behaviors. I know silence douse the chaos that may come from speaking out, but we might be saving someone else from falling victim. I remembered a lady that was butchered by her fiancé somewhere in Lagos, after her death and the story went viral, some ladies who had dated him before said he was aggressive, one even said he used to beat her. We need to start speaking out even if it’s to families and friends, and like some have done in the past, use social media. But, no woman or man needs to stay in a toxic relationship, be it work or marriage.

How can women overcome family, societal pressures?

People face all manners of challenges in life and being a woman comes with some of them too. Women have always been faced with the challenges that come from pleasing people due to some gender roles expectations. Women have to always pinch themselves that they are human and not a super robot without emotions. Being a people’s pleaser gets one nowhere but more heart and headaches; hence, understand that your feelings matter most. And, how you feel is valid, so don’t let anyone tell you it is inconsequential and belittle your thoughts or grievances. So, pursue what makes you happy as long as it’s positive. Consider what’s important to you and fade out everyone or voices of condemnation. In the end you alone bear the consequences of your actions. Ask yourself can I change what is going on with me, if yes work towards it and no, don’t kill yourself over it. The golden rule is to change what you can and leave what you can’t to God. Learn to block or avoid people who put pressure on you. Own your mental peace.

How should women lead transformative lives?

By being purposeful, intentional towards drawing your goals and going after it; what are those areas of focus on life for you? What impact do you wish to make? Evaluate these things and set out step by step strategies to improve on your performance daily.

What are the strategies for humans to live a fulfilled life?

A transformative life can only be achieved through development and creativity on a daily basis. Brick upon brick is the stepping stone to greatness.

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