Spouses must learn to stay sane under provocation

I take my thought for this write up from a viral incident of a wife who decided to pursue her husband with her car, because she caught him with a mistress in his car. According to the viral report, the lady gave her-husband a hot chase, in order to catch him red handed. Unfortunately for the lady, she lost control, crashing herself to death, with the car. It’s also reported that the guilty husband, due to the death of his wife, went into coma, and never recovered. He also died.

Since this incident, I have been ruminating about what could have been done to prevent the unfortunate loss of the lives of the couple.  Below are my thoughts on preventive steps to such incidents.

 

• Couples must learn how to calm down, and not lose their temper in such incidents.

As married couples, we must be intentional about staying sane when we face such incidents. We must intentionally embrace the fact that incidents of such magnitude are quite provocative, and thus must not allow ourselves to take irrational steps or decisions in the face of such incidents. I often counsel that given such situations, it is better not to act on the spur of the moment. Rather, we must allow the voice of reasoning to guide us, in such a situation. If both the wife and the husband had taken such precaution, erring on the side of caution, their story could have been different. Instead of speeding off, the husband could have stayed to sort it out on the spot. The wife also could have restrained herself from pursuing her husband with her car. After all, both of them knew the cat had been let out of the bag. So, let us learn to avoid spontaneous reaction in the face of any provocative act of our spouses.

 

Another thing to note in order to avoid unpleasant responses to provocative act of our spouses is that there is nothing new under the earth. It should be clear to us that the easiest and common act of spouses these days is extra marital affairs. It should not drive us mad in case we become victims of this marital vice. We must prepare ourselves to handle such a provocative act. Tell ourselves that in case we become victims, it’s not the end of the world. We will survive it, one way or the other. This will help us to avoid hot chasing with a car. Rather, we should wait for nerves to relax and then strategically address the situation in the best way. Spontaneous reaction is not always the best way, and does not lead to the best results.

 

Couples should also make it a resolve to shun violence in handling marital crisis. Let us be intentional about avoiding violence in handling our misbehaviour in marriage. Nothing done by our spouses is worth violence reaction due to the consequences of such violent reaction. Crime, physical harm and death are some of the consequences of such violent reaction. The couple under reference could have been alive today if they had made such a resolve against violence. Violence must never be an option in settling marital crisis.

 

Finally, we must convince ourselves that we will not allow someone’s misbehaviour to cause our death or loss of lives through us. Spontaneous reaction to provocative incidents is easily prone to loss of life or lives. The question is : Does infidelity of our spouses worth losing our lives or pushing us to cause the loss of lives of our spouses? It’s absolutely not necessary. It doesn’t worth it at all. Life is sweet and sacred. Hence, we must be intentional in preserving lives, as against causing any loss of life.

 

One therapy for staying sane under provocation is what I call consequences therapy. This has to do with us weighing the resultant effects of any action we want to embark on in handling marital crisis. It’s a think-through attitude that will help us to stay sane when provoked. You take into consideration the consequences of your actions on your children, parents and siblings on both sides, and the society, as a whole.

 

It’s not a news that our actions always have ripple effects. As such, we ought to be careful in taking actions that may jeopardize the interests of other parties involved in our lives. This, if employed by the referenced couple, could have saved their children, relatives and friends, among others, the agonies and inconveniences of the loss of their lives. It’s a lot of traumatic experience for their children and families. It will definitely alter the course of things for their children and families.

I believe that such incidents, like that of the couple under reference, can be avoided by couples learning to stay sane when provoked by the infidelity act of spouses. All it takes is an intentional resolve never to take issues to the heart. This will minimize the effects of such acts on us, if eventually we find ourselves as victims of infidelity. I believe that, henceforth, infidelity talking through, should be given a premium attention in marriage counseling, both for married and intending  couples. It will prepare the ground for a soft landing for spouses who may fall victim of the ravaging storms of infidelity. May God deliver us from the evil of it.

 

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