Seeking to satisfy others as much as you can is a valuable trait that is gradually disappearing in our society today. This act only becomes dangerous when it is done to your own detriment or in a bid to satisfy others or live up to an ideal image set by others.
People-pleasing involves putting someone else’s needs ahead of your own in an unhealthy manner. People-pleasers are known for doing whatever it takes to make other people happy. It is not wrong to be determined to make others happy but the moment you begin to go to the extent of looking out for others to your own hurt, then there is a problem of people-pleasing.
A lot of people-pleasers consciously choose to act this way because of low self-esteem, insecurity, perfectionism, past experiences, and fear of upsetting others and they see it as a good means of avoiding conflict, but what they fail to realise is that in the long run, it will lead to anger, frustration, anxiety, stress, lack of authenticity, depleted willpower, weaker relationships and unhappiness.
Have you discovered that you have become a people pleaser? Have you been looking for ways to stop this self-draining and self-neglect discussed habit? Look no further because discussed in this article are ways to help you stop being a people-pleaser.
The first step in overcoming the habit of being a people pleaser is for you to know that you can’t please everyone. In short, humans are insatiable. If some individuals are not pleased with what God has done or doing for them, how much more you?
It might seem hard for you to believe this, but the earlier you understand that you can’t make everybody happy the better for you.
The simple truth is that you can’t please everyone all the time because people’s needs are different from person to person. Acting a certain way to please one person may upset or offend someone else. Instead, try to act authentically and people who like the true you will appreciate you for who you are.
Do your best for others but never forget that you cannot please everyone.
You are unique and regardless of what anyone says or does, they can’t change your true identity. To stop being a people pleaser you need to be true to yourself and avoid trying to fit in into a standard set by others.
Whatever you intend on doing should be based on your choice and not as a result of pressure from others or a desire to please others.
Avoid doing something just because it’ll make you look good in someone else’s eyes. stick to what you know is right for you. If you’ve been put on the spot and asked to do something that you don’t feel comfortable with, don’t be afraid to stand your ground. It shows that you are strong enough to make your own decisions.
You can stop being a people-pleaser, but not by changing who you are. Instead, be true to yourself, and people will respect you for it.
A major reason you are stuck with pleasing others is that you keep making excuses for them. Making excuses for others as a means of pleasing them not only makes you a people pleaser but it also gets you burned out.
The moment some individuals know that you are a people pleaser, they start taking advantage of your good nature and I tell you, there’s nothing more frustrating than being used and taken advantage of.
To stop being a people pleaser, you need to learn how to genuinely turn people down without an excuse for your decision. I know this might seem a little bit hard but don’t forget that desperate situations require desperate steps or actions.
The moment you stop making excuses, you’ll have more time and energy to do what you really want to do. You’ll feel more in control of your life and less of a victim to other people’s demands.
It’s okay if they don’t understand you at first, but with time they will eventually see why it’s important for you to do so.
Saying ‘NO’ is the most difficult thing for a people pleaser to do and that is the reason they always end up making excuses in order to please others.
Sometimes people-pleasing can become such a deeply ingrained habit that you have to tell yourself that it is okay to say “no”. It’s okay to put yourself first and say “no” if someone asks you for something you don’t want to do, or if they ask you for something unreasonable or impossible.
You also need to stop saying “yes” when you not getting anything meaningful out of the task at hand and are just doing it because the other person is asking you for help.
The most important part about this is reminding yourself that saying “no” when you mean it isn’t being selfish, it’s taking care of yourself.
Life and relationships are bounded by boundaries. And it is often said that where there is no law, there is no sin. To stop being a people pleaser you need to set boundaries in your life.
The truth is that most people-pleasers are often unaware of the boundaries they need to set in their lives.
To set healthy boundaries, you need to first discover certain access you have given to people in your that has left you unhappy most times because these individuals have overstepped their bounds. Then you begin to devise means of reducing their access in your life. This is a gradual process and it should not be done in a rush.
This simple strategy can allow you to remain true to yourself without feeling the need to please everyone and boundaries give you the ability to say “no”.
If you don’t stand for yourself, I bet you no one else will. To stop being a people pleaser, you need to stand up for yourself. You own your life and you are in the best place to determine what you want and what you don’t want.
It is possible that those you try to please against your own self are not even aware of what you are doing for them. Then if this is the case, you need to make them understand how you are hurting and neglecting yourself in a bid to please them.
You can do this in a number of ways, whether it’s bluntly and up-front, or more subtly. You can also use body language to get your point across. It takes a little practice, but being assertive is an important life skill for everyone to master.
It’s important not to let others dictate how you live your life and how you feel about yourself. Being assertive will help you set boundaries and make sure that those boundaries are respected by others around you.
This life is about “give and take”. A strong and healthy relationship involves a certain degree of reciprocity.
It will be wrong for you to be the only one making sacrifices and compromises in whatever relationship you have with others.
If one person is always giving and the other is always taking, it often means that one person is forgoing things that they need to ensure that the other person has what they want.
Even if you enjoy pleasing others, it is important to remember that they should also be taking steps to give to you in return.
To stop being a people pleaser, learn to expect others to give back to you even as you do so for them.
In all, it is not a day’s job if you must stop this self-neglect habit of being a people pleaser because it never started in a day. Give yourself time and be intentional about putting an end to this habit because, in the long run, you have more to lose than to gain.
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