How to cope with divorce as a man

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3 years ago

No one ever prays to get to the point of divorce in their marital relationship no matter the challenges they are faced with in such a marriage. Regardless of this, there are times that the best option to go for when a marriage is faced with challenges, especially life-threatening situations, is divorce.

Contents

1. Grief 2. Forgive 3. Do not neglect your health 4. Take conscious efforts to overcome your pain 5. Surround yourself with loved ones

The pain of dealing with divorce differs between the two recognized sexes in society. Unlike women, men sometimes find the process of coping and healing from a divorce a bit difficult since they are most times believed to have the ability to take the pain seamlessly. They are men, right? And are often told to “man up” regardless of the pain they might be experiencing.

Society makes many men coping with divorce pretend to be calm and self-confident, all the while suffering from pain deep inside and if the truth be told, we all know that men aren’t allergic to pain as divorce also hurt men.

The way society dictates how men should deal with divorce is quite detrimental to their mental health because it means no tears can be shown in public but, at the same time, agony lives on the inside that they show to no one.

There are many other clichés that don’t allow men to fully express their pain, even to their close friends. Take, for example, popular phrases like “man up!” or “big boys don’t cry.” If males stick to these mantras most of the time, it can be really hard to discuss feelings on a mature level with them and get through divorce.

As a man, you deserve to express your pains regardless of what society says and you also deserve to be supported so you can cope with this unplanned event and also heal. In order to help you cope and heal from a divorce as a man, here are helpful tips.

1. Grief

As a man who just got divorced, you need to allow yourself grieve.

It is a painful experience as you have found yourself in a situation where you couldn’t do anything to salvage your marriage, this is hurtful and there is no problem if you are hurting.

Do not “man up”, if you need to cry, please do, if that is the best way you can express your pain. If you will cope in this situation, you need to allow yourself to grieve.

The grieving cycle is divided into the following stages:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

You need to allow yourself to move through these stages without pressure from anyone and you can take as much time as you need in order to heal from this pain.

Please do not “man up”, allow yourself grief.

2. Forgive

It is often said that “the people who love us the most are those who will hurt us the most.”

I know you were hurt and you are still in pain, but I want you to know that if you refuse to forgive your spouse, who has hurt you, you will find it hard to move on with your life. So, if not for the sake of anyone else, but for yourself, you need to learn to forgive, even if you might not forget.

You shouldn’t become a resentful individual as a result of the hurt, because resentful individuals end up living unhappy lives. And I am sure you don’t want this kind of life.

3. Do not neglect your health

You need to take care of yourself now more than ever. The effects of divorce can really be great on your health and overall wellbeing, so, you shouldn’t take chances with your health at this time.

I know you might not feel hungry but please try to eat because your body really needs it at this time. Try to prioritize activities that will improve your well-being and support your health.

Divorced men often suffer from health issues because they feel empty inside and don’t get enough care. Nevertheless, you have to think about the future right now because all hope is not lost.

4. Take conscious efforts to overcome your pain

I know you might be saying that it is easier said than done, but really, you need to take conscious steps to overcome your pain.

If there is a need for you to go see a therapist or counsellor, please do so.

No matter how hard it seems, you need to begin to make conscious efforts to overcome your pain and not only that, but you also need to be determined that you will come out of this phase healed and stronger.

No one will really be able to help you cope and get healed from a divorce if you are not willing to make conscious efforts to overcome the pain yourself.

5. Surround yourself with loved ones

You cannot successfully cope and get healed from divorce without the help of your loved ones. You don’t need to be a superhero; you need to be around people who will help you overcome this challenging phase.

You need those you can be vulnerable around without fear in your life at this time. It’s advised you are not alone at this time, as doing so will not help your recovery process.

You can also take a break to spend quality time with your children if you have them, and if not, it wouldn’t be a bad idea for you to go visit your parents, immediate family, or friends.

We all don’t pray for divorce in our marriage, but when it happens, it is best we seek the best way for us to cope and get healed.

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