Intimacy

Winning without warring with your spouse

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2 years ago

Many married couples approach having their way in the marriage in the wrong way by fighting their spouses. Some even adopt the «fire for fire» or «do me, I do you» method in dealing with themselves. Unfortunately, this approach does not bring peace but troubles in marriage. It›s an ill wind that blows no good for the partners. It only escalates strife and tension in the marriage.

The method that works like magic in marriage is to deploy the weapons of love and respect. This has proven to be the best way to deal with, and win over a spouse in marriage.

The greatest need of a man in marriage is not Sex but respect, and the greatest need of a woman is not money, but love.

Respect and love are two essential organs of a functional and healthy marriage.

They are the two legs that enable a marriage to stand fit and strong. Without any of these two in place, the marriage will be deformed, and will be unable to function optimally.

The degree to which married couples are committed to running on these two legs will determine the degree of the success of the marriage.

Marriage is a union of two persons of the opposite sex: male and female. It takes a man and a woman to have a marriage. That is why we can talk of two legs, with each on different sides: left and right.

One reason why there are so many breakdowns in marriage is because of lack of any of these two legs of marriage. You can win over your spouse without fighting, by deploring love, by the husband, and respect, by the wife. That is, the respect leg must be supplied by the wife while the love leg must be supplied by the husband.

A wife who understands the power of respect on her husband will stop at nothing to make him feel respected, and a husband who understands the power of love on his wife will go to any extent to make her feel loved at all times.

The greatest obstacle to meeting these two needs in marriage is for the wife to want to wait for her husband to love her before she accords him respect and vice versa.

Like a man said to me one day, «How can I love a wife who disrespects me? But the truth is that, to love your wife and respect your husband is God›s commandment to husband and wife, and it is not conditional i.e. one does not depend on the other.

The husband is not asked to love the wife if she respects him, and the wife is not asked to respect him if he loves her. Both are under obligation to play his or her part irrespective of what the other is doing.

It is by so doing that they will be able to enjoy the best of one another. These two legs of respect and love are the great pillars of success in Marriage. No marriage can succeed without them.

The power of respect and love lies in the fact that they motivate the duo to be in optimal performance mode all the time. They are propelled to give their best to each other, because it boosts their sense of worth: the husband feels important and the wife feels loved. This therapy is what any couple needs to have a stressful marriage.

Deploying Respect

A wife, who wants to deploy respect effectively, must do so in the following ways:

Address your husband like a king: My king, my prince, honey, love etc, and treat him as such, and you will discover that he will always treat you like his queen. Such names motivate him to spoil you in the best way possible. Words are power tools of motivation.
Adore him: Make him feel important, even mad fellows, when adored, calm down momentarily. That is why the Yoruba say, “Call a mad fellow the bridegroom so that you can have a safe passage around him.”

Adoration brings out the best of a husband to the one adoring him. This is the secret female concubines have learnt.

They practically worship their victim-men, and in return, they are handsomely rewarded for it. This is the charm they use to lure careless women›s husbands away.

Package him: This has to do with the public presentation of your husband to others like your children, your family, in laws, friends, colleagues etc. Learn to speak wonderfully of him. People will never treat your husband better than you present him. Keep his secrets with you. Every couple has secrets, why expose yours when others are keeping theirs. Let them know he is doing his best for the family, even when he is not.

From time to time, appreciate him publicly for the little he is doing for you and your children. Birthdays, wedding anniversary, and family gatherings are perfect platforms for showering such encomiums on your husband.

Communicating Love

A husband who wants to enjoy the best of relationship with his wife must know how to show love to his wife. The following are some ways you can communicate your love for her.

Give her your attention: Every woman loves attention. A woman is naturally drawn to a man who gives her attention. She wants you and not just what you can give her. A woman will give her best to any man who pays attention to her. This is one way by which husbands can prove their love to their wives. Pay attention to her by creating time for her and her concerns. When she wants to talk, be ready to listen. Be ready to take responsibility for her comfort and concerns.
Take her out: Wives love it when their husbands take them out. When you are not at work, take her out, to the market, saloon, or social functions.

A lady was asked why she felt her husband loved her, one of the things she said was that he was fond of taking her to the saloon.

Wives see it as a sign of love, when their husbands act in such a way. As a husband, discover the areas of interest of your wife, and deploy your energy to satisfy her.

Buy her gifts: When you love a person, especially women, your create budget for gifts for her. Most husbands make a mistake by thinking that gifts take a lot of money. Most wives don’t care so much about the value of the gifts. Rather, they love the fact that their husbands have them in mind. That is what matters to them of most.

As far as a woman is concerned, it takes love for a man to remember to buy her something.

Befriend her: This is why it is important for a couple to be friends before they get married. My husband and I were friends before we got married, so it wasn’t difficult for us to remain friends in marriage.

When husband and wife are friends, they treat each other better. They should do what friends do, gist, laugh, share jokes, help each other, and care for each other. Thus, it is nothing for the husband to help with house chores, especially in the kitchen, by staying with her to cook, occasionally.

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