Widowhood journey of an Amazon

A review of Oladapo Okuyemi’s ‘Drawing His Strength’ by Kingsley Alumona.

HOW does a widow define and accept widowhood? How does she come to terms with the dehumanising cultural, social, and religious practices that society subjects her to? How does she deal with the demanding tasks of the home front, the mounting bills to pay, and the physical and psychological isolation that losing a companion brings?

Oladapo Okuyemi’s biography of Emiola Fakolade, titled ‘Drawing His Strength: The Emiola Fakolade Story’, attempts in many ways to do justice to these questions that usually besiege the thoughts of many widows – including those of Fakolade, who − at the age of 40 − lost her university sweetheart and husband, Dr Ayo Fakolade to sickness in 1992, leaving her with six young children, and many years down the line, nine grandchildren.

The fact that Okuyemi is Fakolade’s first child and was a teenager at the time of her father’s passing meant that she had a good knowledge of her father and experienced the transition in the family. Not only that, there was unlimited access and ample time for the mother to share her stories with the child, which makes the account and rendition of the book encapsulate the mother’s experience as a widow who never remarried.

The 30-chapter, 178-page book, published in 2022, mirrors the life of Fakolade as she draws strength, faith and hope from God during her widowhood journey. But how did she draw strength from God in all these 31 years and counting? The book provides detailed qualities of her life and experience − including her strengths and weaknesses − as a wife, mother, grandmother, teacher, leader, entrepreneur, and more that help her navigate widowhood with grace.

There is no doubt that Fakolade’s public life is well-known by many. Still, this biography mirrors more of the nuance and personal side of her life that only her family and closest friends know about − those times she feels the world is crashing on her when she cries and has many questions to ask, when she knows that the only solution to her overwhelming challenges is drawing strength from her God.

Such times and moments are correctly captured in chapters 2, 8, 15, 16, 19, 20, 22, 24, 25, and 27. Perhaps, chapter 8, ‘Strength/experiencing God’s power in weakness’, succinctly reflects the book’s title. Here, we learn that Fakolade has endured many troubles and deaths of loved ones closest to her: her husband, father, mother, sister, and brothers. However, she trusts God in these losses and sorrow, banking on His strength and help.

Each book chapter begins or ends with an African, Igbo, Hausa, or Yoruba proverb; a famous quote by philosophers or prominent individuals; or a scriptural verse or hymn/song. On one occasion, on page 42, one of Fakolade’s popular sayings – ‘Olorun o saa le da wal’oro (translation: God cannot bring us evil)’ − was quoted as well. The proverbs, quotes, and verse lend credence to the character and virtues she espouses in her three-decade widowhood sojourn.

In a nutshell, ‘Drawing His Strength’ shows us that widowhood is not a stigma or associated with bad omens but a phase of life everyone will one day go through.

The latter pages of the book present us with notes from friends, family, and acquaintances of Fakolade. One worthy of replication here is that from one of her children, Tokun: “I am 41, and so I can put it into perspective and just imagine what she might have had to go through emotionally yet showing strength and being very strong to raise all six children through post-secondary school.”

Apart from the inspiring texts of the book, 16 pages were dedicated to photographs of Fakolade and her husband, including their wedding photographs. Other pictures show Fakolade with her children, grandchildren, extended family, and friends.

The book’s cover and design properly reflect the message the book is trying to pass across. Worthy of mentioning is that the book is written in simple English to the point that a child or someone not properly schooled could easily read and understand it.

In addition, the 68 photographs in the book, some taken as far back as 1977, are all in colour and clear and are given appropriate captions.

‘Drawing His Strength’ is a timely book that every man and woman should read to get the wisdom of facing life and death in marriage.

Though it reads like a Christian book, I recommend it to everyone, irrespective of their faith, religion, tribe, age, and gender. Schools, churches, mosques, and libraries should house this book as a reference text for counsel and teaching.

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