Why partners find it hard to be vulnerable in a relationship

Being vulnerable in your relationship means you are taking the bold step of allowing your partner see right  through you. This is because it gives him or her a clear sense of how to relate with you and would also give them room to decide whether to trust you or not. Why then do you find it hard to be vulnerable in your relationship if it could help with building trust between you and your partner?  

Walking on eggshells is pretty common in relationships today. There are misinterpreted unspoken words in many relationships, because the other party would not just let their guard down by allowing their partner see the authentic and unfiltered side of them. Letting your guard down and being open is one way to allow vulnerability thrive in your relationship, which in turn would help build trust between you both. 

The word, trust is one element out of many upon which the foundation of a relationship should be built. However, this is almost unattainable when vulnerability is missing in a relationship.  

Why do people find it difficult to be vulnerable in a relationship?

• Personality type

One out of numerous reasons why it appears difficult to be vulnerable in your relationship is the difference in personality of both partners which can also be identified as their temperament types.  

You and your partner are different people, and it is impossible for you both to act or approach things the exact same way. You may be extroverted and quite expressive when it comes to your emotions and opinions, while on the other hand, your partner could be an introvert who likes to keep things to him or herself. And introverted people sometimes can’t bring themselves to express their emotions because they are conflicted with the decision to either trust you or not. They can’t just bear the thought of being betrayed by you after putting in so much mental effort to let you into their space. 

• Trauma due to past experiences

Everyone at some point or the other has dealt with trauma as a result of past experiences caused by hurt or betrayal.  Sometimes, your past experiences have a way of making you feel extra sensitive about sharing basic information about yourself. Because you believe that it’s safer for you to keep people at arm’s length by not sharing basic stuff with them. You also believe that you’re justified to act that way because it took a while to heal when you had that awful experience.  

Trauma could also make you feel guarded and mindful of trusting your partner. All because you have experienced betrayal and hurt from people you once trusted. Your partner loves you, and you know this, but are not completely sure about letting your guard down.  

• Imposter syndrome

It’s hard to be vulnerable in your relationship when you are battling imposter syndrome, and can’t stop feeling like you’re not deserving of that relationship. So, you make sure that you don’t let your guard down because of the belief that if your partner sees your flaws or how imperfect you could be, he or she would find strong reasons why they should not be with you and act accordingly. 

• You are an over-thinker

It is often common among over-thinkers to excessively worry about the worst scenario that could possibly emanate from a situation. You overthink the outcome of your relationship with your partner so much that it starts to affect how you relate with him or her. You start walking on egg shells because your focus is on the imaginative outcome you’ve subjected yourself to. Your imaginations could lead you to prepare your mind for betrayal, which then informs an extra defensive attitude against your partner; even if they mean well. 

• Low self-esteem

You’re not confident enough about who are so you try to act like what you’re not. Why though? In order to measure up to the standards of your partner. In a case like this, it becomes impossible for you to be yourself. So, you don’t see yourself being vulnerable in your relationship because you’re not comfortable with your who you really are. 

• The society’s opinion

One of the rules of the society is that women are not expected to express themselves to their partners and all they should exist for is to play dumb, and dance to their partner’s tunes. For men, the society has taught them to be strong and avoid being vulnerable in a relationship because they would be addressed as weak. So, they are expected to put out a firm picture of themselves even if it’s not true.  

There’s also the feeling of being judged as weak especially by your partner. This often emanates from a situation where the expectations of you are high, and being expressive would make them feel otherwise.  

Above all, you can still take the build step of being vulnerable to your partner. You’re occupied with the question, “what if he or she betrays me?” Now ask yourself, what if my partner doesn’t betray me? 

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