Shallow offshore cabal

THERE is a one-year old that passes “traffic hour” with us five times a week. It happens that his crèche closes at 6pm and for the neighbouring mum not to pay the imposed late-hour fine, she pleaded and we elected to be keeping the energetic and interesting fellow with us, till the Third Mainland traffic sorts the mum out, while returning from workplace. The dad? Don’t ask me. Faiz is a beautiful soul, obedient but does tantrums once in a while. There are times, he would want to overtly disobey the usual “sit down there” orders, meant to keep him out of “jo jo” (hurtful) troubles, but a quick, sharp look, always has a calming effect on him.

Monday night, I watched as he quietly obeyed the “lie down and sleep” order and I mused at the nature of man. Fast forward to Tuesday morning and I saw on the front page of some  Nigerian dailies, a 76-year-old version of Faiz smiling sheepishly as his own “nanny” took him through the rudiments of using tissue paper, in far way London and I could not be bothered. The now-infamous photo was definitely in circulation the Monday night a cowed Faiz was being shooed into sleep mode he dutifully needed, but too busy to observe, as he kept rubbing his eyes, to stay awake, but I also could not be bothered, since practically nothing, about this administration and its water-testing technique of first doing the ridiculous, before moving to the odious, seeing that the people of Nigeria, have practically yielded the country and its immediate future to the freewheeling cartel, swinging the presidency like birthday balloons, is bothering enough again.

But of truth, the unusual, somewhat smacking smile on Buhari’s lips as Abba Kyari buried his own face to commandeer the signing of the Deep Off-shore Bill, is a bit, personally for me, unnerving. The verisimilitude with Faiz’s smile after succumbing to the “sit-down-there” order, as a way of snuggling back into his “supervisor’s” affectionate warmth after the initial brief resistance, is too uncanny. I’m not one for conspiracy theories of identity theft or body-double, but is this president the same famed soldier of civil war era and the half-part of the Buhari/Idiagbon regime? Was the man smiling sheepishly in the photo-ops, with iya o ba baba tan outfit, the same clipped-lip, morose-looking grandpa Candidate of 2014/2015. Why is it, that the same man, is now looking like the comedian who acts him, in comedy shows in recent time? I also remember Gbenga Adeyinka’s laffmataz. The president and Kyari aren’t likely to have seen any episodes of the now-rested sitcom, but the tragi-comical power play in the presidential villa now, is imposing reality on what was then considered a run-away imagination of the beefy comic. May Faiz not spend the night of his life, like a man without knuckles.

The current Mamman Daura/Buhari regime has saturated the polity with so much deliberate scandalous acts, that pumping adrenalin to scourge the power men, would only drain the energy before the commencement of the race, because these men, particularly the unelected but de facto Nigerian leader, Daura, have not even started. Asking minister of health to seek approval from the permanent secretary, Ministry of Agric and the latter getting to execute contracts on behalf of the former, including supplying animal drugs for malaria, is just like sipping water, while waiting for the menu list. Kyari overruling VP Osinbajo on Ruga’s successor-policy is like starting with nuts, waiting for the first course, and the London lunacy, isn’t even the first course!

It is normal for politicians to seek habitation in Alice Wonderland. Daydreaming is a major qualification around here, where realities are only believed after viewed with political lens. Even when they agonise in their closets, don’t expect party people to chastise the Daura/Buhari drama. In fact, like the Akin Alabi fellow, they would justify the madness panning out in Abuja. The House of Reps guy from a this-way-to constituency in Oyo State had argued that Kyari was doing his constitutional duty, taking toiletries to Buhari in London. Some sound SANs have adequately put him in his place, but I would rather they don’t waste syntax and jurisprudence on him. Do they not say he owns Nairabet? Let’s rest his argument as a gambler’s jankara.

The Buhari gang cavorting with Nigeria today isn’t a regular political establishment. Even within the North’s hemisphere, it is an outlier. Both senior members and foot-soldiers are men of sinister purposes. They have literally tasted blood; they won’t stop until the fiendish end is achieved. This prediction has come true in cases of Onnoghen, former head of service, et al. Their weapon is the corruption tar. They claim to be on a redemptive mission, but leaving large holes in the very heart of the nation. Other therapy will fail once the heart is irretrievably perforated. The death kneel is here, though 2023 dreams will likely make the political class try to pass off these dolorous times, as mere sparring sessions, especially politicians of Southern hue, where childish argument of let them use their time the way they want, is already filtering out, with all its vacuousness. What if you think you can come in as a repairer and the damage is beyond repairs! For those unconditionally thinking the future of this country, in whatever guise, this is the time to prove that commitment. Let the prayer warriors stand ramrod. Let the men of law dust their libraries. Let those with international clout drum it loud and clear. There is a present and prevailing danger in Nigeria. I have heard arguments like “why did Prof. Adewole not resign when he was ordered by Kyari to be taking orders from the Agric Perm Sec “? “Why is Osinbajo not resigning with immediate effect considering the crushing condescension with which Kyari has hit his office and person?”and blah, blah, blah. Weeks back I would have held such a view, but not anymore. Yes, it is likely Osinbajo will end up being forced out as long as Kyari is joining forces with Lawan Daura to seek revenge for the latter’s sacking, but it is not time to run away. As it is today, nearly all institutions of governance have been cowed, but what is ahead is no longer for individuals or certain office holders. It is tomorrow that is at stake and the Buhari gang should not be allowed to have a smooth sail. Beyond public posturing in press releases, resistance should be strategically built, within and outside power corridor, so that the gang would have to horrifically abuse the power they have today, to make it easy for tomorrow to convict them. The joke about an off-shore president, signing an off-shore bill, from off-shore cabal, would have been funny, were the nation not in a mourning mood.

Emesiere Obla

Troubled out-of-favour president’s man, Okoi Obono-Obla is known to me, but we are not intimate. I was also opportune to see him in “action” at a good range and sensed he would soon fall, only I didn’t know it would be this soon. His Efik people will say emesiere, when it is dawn or morning. I’m going to be confidential in matters known to me, on how he did his “recovery” assignment, save one issue. Please, I appeal to all men of power today, don’t be vengeful, don’t seek the crushing of someone who is already vulnerable and let your conscience be the judge of all actions. Comrade, as I call him, is a passionate man, totally soaked in the idealism of a corrupt-less Nigeria. Like all men, he has his Achilles’ heel too. There was a particular case/errand, he ran like a slave for those calling him a criminal now, for which the paramount ruler of his domain, reportedly consulted the gods against him, because the man he hankered after, is, his kinsman. The “big” man eventually cascaded from grace and now Obla too, is sharing the grass with him. Their community is the ultimate loser. The didactic; when sent as a slave, apply freeborn sense.