Relationships: 14 ways to spot that you have a red flag

We always look out for red flags in a relationship, especially romantic ones. But did you know that you should also be concerned about spotting red flags in yourself? Oh yes, it’s not only you that gets to spot it in others. Remember that the person whose red flags you can spot is also human and you’re not any less. Therefore, it’s important to identify them and work on them to avoid being heartbroken and sidelined. 

It is almost hard to spot your red flag, but it’s not impossible.  

What is a ‘red flag’?

According to grammarist.com, ‘red flag’ is an idiom that may be used as a noun or a verb, in which case the expression is hyphenated. The noun red flag, when used as an idiom, means a warning, a clue that there may be a problem, a sign of danger. The verb red-flag means to identify something as a sign of danger, to label something as a warning. 

 

What are the signs of a red flag?

You might want to look out for these signs to know if you have a red flag within you to correct. According to Dr Allyson Kellum-Aguirre, a licensed mental health therapist who runs an Instagram page, My Therapy Tribe, here are some signs to look out for: 

• Basing your words on people’s approval of you. You may argue that you don’t do this. You find yourself changing your opinion just to gain people’s approval, or making insincere comments to be in the good books of people.
• Constantly criticising yourself and others.
• Failure to say no.
• Making excuses for other people’s despicable behaviour.
• Staying quiet to avoid rejection or conflict.
• Extensively over explaining yourself.
• Allowing people to disrespect your boundaries.
• Forcing yourself to be noticed by other people.

Furthermore, if you’re interested in being in a relationship, then you probably have your “spec” right? That’s cool. It’s not bad to have a spec. However, here’s quick one. Are you your spec’s desire? Are you what you want in your spec? Do you have the values you expect from your dream guy or girl? Or are there warning signs? Here are other signs to look out for. 

• You aren’t willing to work hard on your relationships, and you want people to “accept” you for who you are without working on yourself.
  People who are small minded always say, “I can’t change, that’s how I am.” “You’ll accept me that way.”
  Can you accept a mean behavior? Can you stand someone who is uncultured? No, right?
  But you want others to accept you that way. Work on yourself if you truly love yourself. When you love someone, you want them to grow right? Then make it your sole aim to grow.

• You don’t really know who you are

This is a red flag. When you don’t know who you are, whose you are and what you stand for, you’ll accept anything. You will not be able to stand your ground. You’ll put a burden on your partner. They cannot help you to figure it all out. Don’t enter a relationship if you don’t know who you are because there is a 99% chance that you’ll make the wrong choice. 

But the reality is that if you don’t know who you are before you enter a relationship, when you get into one you’re likely to lose yourself in your feelings of love. And that is a very unhealthy place to be. 

• You don’t know how to really listen. A good listener is somebody who listens to what the other party says even if they are not interested. But a bad listener is somebody who only listens to what he or she wants to hear.
  Listening does not always come naturally to people, but it’s something you can learn. We all think we are good listeners until somebody tells us that we are not good listeners. Yes, you want a good listener as a partner, but are you a good listener?

• You think the world revolves around you. This is another red flag. When people don’t give you attention you throw tantrums. You always want to be in the limelight. You always want the best things to happen to you only and can’t bear to see people around you happy. That is toxic. The world does not revolve around you. I know for a fact that human beings can be prone to certain emotions. However, you can always train your mind to believe that you’re not the only one in this world and other people deserve good things too. I mean, we have billions of people living in this world. So, the world doesn’t revolve around only you.

• You’re self-centered. This right here is a big red flag to look out for. All you think about is yourself. Learn to think about others too. You can’t be in a relationship and think about only yourself. You are now a part of your partner’s life so whatever concerns them concerns you too. Work on yourself if you are self-centered before you enter into a relationship.

• You haven’t dealt with your issues; especially ones from the past. You need to know that you’re not a horrible person because you have dealt with issues in the past. Don’t go into a relationship if you haven’t settled. Your partner would see it as a red flag if all you can see is your past and can’t move on from it. It could ruin the beautiful thing you two could build together. It could also stifle the growth of your relationship.

In conclusion, don’t stop working on yourself. Everyone you see is also a work in progress and have a habit they are trying to work on. In other words, you can be better. Spot your red flags, deal with them and become a better person. 

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