On rite of passage into manhood

The society we live in today considers sexual success or sexual conquests as an initiation into manhood. “Getting laid” or “clocking girls” is like a rite of passage for men and failure to do this by men is considered a failed masculinity or weak; “not real men”.

Being perceived or called casanova, playboy, womanizer, philanderer or constantly sexualising girls/women (minors included) or passing lewd or vulgar jokes at women is celebrated and hailed among the men as an achievement and termed a ‘real man’ thing.

In fact, from a very young age, men are taught that sexual conquests and masculinity are inextricably linked. Sexual conquest is viewed as a welcome initiation into masculinity. Young men boast of how much girls they have had sex with. Some have even been abused as a child but most men would rather die, so to say, than admit that they were in fact abused.

There are some men, who, till this day, brag about losing their virginity to house maids, nannies or caregivers but would not acquiesce to the reality that they were in fact abused probably to fit into the society’s opinion of “real men”.

What I observed about this is that this whole scenario all boils down to the standard the society placed on every man and in turn, men seek to prove themselves worthy to the society or to other men in particular and the unrealistic standards created by men which includes “bro code”.

This sexual conquest also comes along with ENTITLEMENT. If men are going to create a bucket list of women/girls they are going to have sex with or have had sex with in some contexts, then women must be sexually available, so to speak,  and unavailability of this makes some men prey on women and girls (minors included) for sexual gratification. This leads us to the conclusion that rape culture, misogyny, toxic masculinity and sexual conquests intersect at a particular juncture or angle. Now you see the danger.

Of course, not all men engage in this nefarious act across all social climes; some actively fight against it but it will take a lot of awareness from many men and women altogether to enlighten others that sexual conquests is harmful to men and women.

As a society, we generally need to unlearn many things and dismantle some ideologies and this includes sexual conquest which pose a great danger to girls, women, the coming generation and men themselves.

Aladejana Aduragbemi Samuel,

Ondo State.

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