Meghan’s mugu and the Harrys around us

WHO owns the world: a man or a woman? This sexist question won’t ever be objectively answered because Yoruba will say, ibi to k’oju s’enikan, eyin lo ko selomiran (perspectives aren’t panoramic). Women in their wiles love playing the victim even when they want to be macho and prove feminine strength. In fairness to them, they are gradually leaving the asunkun rojo (behavioural mischief for advantage) era behind. That is now stone-age. Today’s woman, whether educated or not, is trusting in the outdated Beijing Declaration of 15th September 1995, to make equality point, not only by needlessly squaring up to her man, but some even go a bit ludicrous, moving from what is considered the traditional slap of resetting their man’s head as usually seen in movies when a two-second argument would result in the man being slapped, (especially if caught in the act), to, giving the man a sound beating.

Without invading privacies, stories that filtered into my eardrum during a recent visit to the Lagos State Agency against Domestic Violence, suggest to me that until marriage is completely returned to the spiritual arrangement God packaged it to be in Genesis, there would be regular Maryam Sanda’s cases, all over. Yes, Maryam has been sentenced to death for killing her husband, Biliyaminu in Abuja and the two upper courts, are likely to uphold the ye’gi fun (executioner) order, but the society is the ultimate loser. The implications of such a judgment are too numerous to list: what about ripe men in 40s dodging marriage using the case as an excuse to further allow the siege in their lives to fester (delay in life isn’t always situational, almost always spiritual), what about irresponsible men already looking for excuses to bolt from home into the hellish but sizzling warmth of side chicks, what about aspiring Baby Papa whose families are still jumping from one prayer mountain to the other, beseeching God to override such demonic decision, what about alaini kan se (completely useless) husband who now says the wife is out to kill him with unreasonable demands, et al. Only on the side of men and marriage, the “what abouts” will be endless. The women side is better not listed.

At the Alausa Agency, I listened to how women mocked the estranged men in their lives, while relaying their plights to other “victims.” Guess they were trying to bond in adversity. I also noticed there were hardly dissensions from the nodding listeners, even when too many holes were obvious in the one-sided, unchallenged stories they were telling for obvious support system. The few I had the opportune moment to listen with the Agency’s officials weren’t any different. Coming at variants, the thread is noticeably: “my husband is a demon. I want him out,” with nearly all seeking to have custody of the children, while expecting the so-called demon-possessed man to meet financial needs.

It was Papa William Kumuyi of Deeper Life that famously said, “if you marry the devil’s child, you can’t stop your in-law, the devil, from visiting.” You always want to scream at some of them why marrying from the devil’s conclave, if their husbands had always been as bad as being portrayed and staying in, to have one, two, three, four children together, before trying to check out. While oscillating between sympathising with the gisting scorned wives and checking their stories alongside their conducts in such unguarded moments, a guy stormed in and his first sentence sent a chill. Quoting him, “she (wife) is looking for who to kill her”, fishing out from a poly bag what I assumed were torn clothes, she rent on him, before the fuming fellow was asked to calm down and given a form to make his complaints formal.

I’m angry that an Agency as important as that is operating from a container disingenuously placed inside the Lagos seat of power. The invisible sitting mirrors our current values. Family is almost becoming inconsequential despite the global pretenses at saving it and those expected to make each unit compact; father and mother, wife and husband, predominantly treat the institution of family as a mere addendum to their lives; hence the crises.

Family, like every other order from above, is divine. Only divine wisdom could run it, not Harvard sense or belly-upside-down treaties, especially those masterminded by mere mortals who want to wrestle control from God. I know Qur’an recommends that wives be obedient, adaptable to their husbands and keep their secrets while husbands are to protect their honour and integrity. Ephesians 5:22-26 agree in totality.

One can then argue that Harry, son of Britain’s posthumous sweetheart, Diana, should not be harried for supposedly playing boi-boi to his public-enemy heartthrob, Meghan. Maybe quitting his princely heritage for considered low-life in Canada, was a way of honouring the controversial actress who now stands the danger of going the way of Harry’s mum, except the royals decide to completely let go of the modern day prodigal son. But how many parents and globally-influential grandmas would let sleeping dog lie in a situation like this, without whipping the daylight out of the leech. Meghan has stolen the queen’s treasure, where would she display “it”.

Mothers-in-law featured prominently in the Alausa gist I mentioned above. I have an ear-tip for the intending wife; try and size the influence of would-be husband in his family. If he carries too many responsibilities, prayerfully consider the future and must-have future visitors from his family. At least, be sure he isn’t devil’s pikin, so the in-law doesn’t visit.

Every door has a master-key. There is one somewhere to unlock the heart of the most difficult fellow, but divine insight is required, not unfriendly-friends’ advice. Every man has his mumu entry-point and only the woman that can painstakingly find it, would rule the heart of such a man. Without doubt, Meghan has found Harry’s, only that her pick is grandma’s boy who is being raised by a whole nation. This American may not play for too long in his heart. Hey, before you laugh Harry to scorn, physician, heal thyself. Who says someone isn’t ringing you somewhere, while you feel kingly, playing her mumu. I submit here; it is the world of the wise woman. Do you remember the joke about the dwarf who claims his giant wife isn’t controlling him, but only standing where he is found, because his wife so advised?