Gov Makinde as GSM

The first time I ran into this humorous but telling acronym-formative guy name for Oyo State helmsman, Governor Seyi Makinde (GSM), I could barely hold my ribs. You don’t have his image-making assemblage and not have a leeching eclectic creation like this. The other time, it was one Lagos assembly member interviewed for Aplomb, the Sunday Tribune achievers’ package, that came up with ATM; Hon. Abiodun Tobun Mustainu (ATM). He was forthright enough to say his hailers and even wailers in his Epe constituency are using the alias to wahala his pocket. Hear him; “I am just coming from Epe since last week. I have always been there. I don’t change my number. So, I cannot run away from them. They call me ATM. You know what they mean by ATM? (Laughs). It is embarrassing. How do you mean that I am ATM? I was so annoyed. They now said that is your name joor, that you are Abiodun Tobun Mustainu. So, instead of putting my father’s name as the last, they put it in the middle. They said Abiodun Tobun Mustainu (ATM). So, I said, now I understand, but even under mere deceit, I would still fall for it.”

Adhere to professional ethics, medical practitioners advised

Yoruba have a version of the Ndigbo’s Eleke bird proverb. Since politicians have devised strategies of keeping the people down and exploiting them, smart Alec among the downtrodden would always find ways of sustaining crumbs’ flow and Yoruba will say you don’t wake up in the morning to melodious praise-sing and not have a figurative swollen head. Isn’t that what governance has been reduced to in our clime? The baba rere, baba ke syndrome that turns the less-than-noble who used textbook rigging formula to land elective offices, to the wisest amongst us; the all-knowing deities who see beyond mere mortals and by entitlements, must have our libations.

Since those in offices suddenly develop overnight superior wisdom that makes the mouth of those who controvert their warped logic, thinking and undertakings smelling and smelly, many are coming up with decent way of calling the mad man, the bridegroom, tactically sucking the breast milk of their corruption-crested chest, ailed, by curses of appropriating owo oniru, owo oniyo (common wealth).

So, one was SAS, became GAS, then transited into terrorism patriotism; became a political party’s burial supervisor, before the Supreme Court ended his tenancy of a wailing plaza, which is more like the Wailing Wall, only that this plaza isn’t on holy ground and those on pilgrimage there are determined to be eternally incorrigible in their sinful ways. The Oyo GSM and right now, the N50 billion-man, is the hottest item in town.

How long will he remain the darling of teru tomo (low and mighty), currently sustained by the magical persona of the guy next door, which whether inadvertently or otherwise, he is gradually settling into? If only for the sake of those who see the Seyi (hope) in themselves, though currently squatting with poverty, he should not fumble, and must with alacrity, take care of Oyo’s peculiar politics, that has a way of messing his kind up. His admirers, within and outside the state, are beginning to believe; a talisman that forever existed in their imagination before, now lives at Agodi and the governance miasma in the land, about to be deodorised by the ajisebioyo flavour. If he lets his cheerleading crowd down, he would be the ultimate loser.

GAS (sounding like Bashorun Gaa) is a classical example of how not to end. Like GSM, he was once adored for being an adorable fellow. By the time he was ejected from the Abuja Plaza and Aso Rock also done with him, his case was worse than King Saul’s, whose end Christians always use to taka osi (absolute rejection) by singing this way; Oluwa, igbeyin aye mi maje ko dabi ti Saul oba, to bere lodo Oluwa, to pari e sodo satani, to nba Olorun soro teleri, to wa daboku soro, igbeyin aye mi maje ko dabi ti Saul oba”.

Today, as SAS, he should ordinarily be handed over to SARS for the usual cocktail, undeservedly served many innocent Nigerians. And as GAS, the temptation would be to think of the Third Reich. But if a Makinde could come from the womb that once accommodated GAS, then all may not be lost on the Kanuri fellow, though there is no ilk of his that has undergone a transformative phase that engenders any hope.

Either moving to their red retirement chamber or seeking ministries to loot, former governors mainly remain a malady to the body polity and their successors, whether new like Seyi or old like Kayode, are at best an altocumulus in governance firmament. Many of them we could do without.

As the rituals of 100 days kick off, singsongs would be everywhere. What is emanating from Oyo is “GSM, getting the state covered.” Me, I no know book. If the people are saying, with Seyi, we are now talking, who I be to disagree when I’m not on his network. The one we dey where I dey, hmmmmm. Were the original governor to be reporting to Alausa where he could be properly accessed, maybe, I would have a verdict. But in the fortified fortress where Lagos is mainly ruled, only the initiate fit enter. As I no get change, conductor won’t allow passengers like us on board, to determine whether like Obey sang, iwaju loloko yi nwa wa lo (whether the state is making genuine progress). Oh, you say what about the optics, the undeniable on ground, like road patch-patch and making party members, merry. In an age of artificial intelligence, development should be beyond importing disused train coaches from India.

But wetin I no sef. My own be say, the day I wan use the Oyo “solution provider”, make his network no fail o. Na dat go bring quarrel. Whether he’s got Oyo covered, na assignment for time be dat. GSM indeed. Lol. Lol