Frustrating sexual behaviour in marriage

SEX is the most important activity in marriage. It is the only activity that cannot be successfully delegated without hiccups. Or can you delegate someone to help you have sex with your spouse? It can never happen in a normal marriage. It is therefore expected of husbands and wives to give it all serious attention for mutual maximum satisfaction of parties in each marriage. But, in reality, this ideal of mutually satisfying sex is far from being achieved by many coupled. This is due to the frustrating attitudinal behaviour of many parties in the marriage. They make sex so frustrating to the extent that sexual satisfaction is sought for outside the homes. In fact, the involvement of the hitherto unexpected or unheard of religious married spouses in such is better imagined.

What are these frustrating sex behaviours that are beclouding the sense of reasoning of many couples? Let’s read on!

• Complaints about what will happen if we engage in sex. These complaints are road blocks to a fulfilling romantic and sex life. When a partner makes the move, and complaint galore has become the rule, rather than the exception, it could be a frustrating experience that does not make for a great sex life in the marriage. Husbands and wives must therefore avoid to make complaining a regular part of their marital sex life. A husband once confided in me that his wife’s complaints whenever he asked for sex made him pull back from regular sex with her, while he started engaging in extra marital sex. Such complaints include the following: The children may need our attention since they have just gone to bed; The bed is making noise and disturbing our neighbours; the weather is too hot; my work load at work or house is energy sapping for me to have sex; I’m afraid of another pregnancy in this our present economic state; it is too early in the day, or too late at night; I am feeling sleepy and cannot cope with the rigours of sex; this sex thing is not food that must be eaten every day o; I am not in the mood for sex with all these unpaid bills steering one in the face.

• Deliberately evading sex by pretending to be sick, asleep, praying, cleaning the house among others. This attitude is frustrating and couples should not make it a regular pattern in marriage. This does not augur well for a great sex life, and makes partners vulnerable to sexual temptations.

• I am doing you a favour attitude. Some husbands and wives will be acting as if they are doing their partners a favour when it comes to the issue of sex. Getting them to bed for sex is usually at their mercy, going by the demands they will be making at bed time. These include, switch off the light; close the window, and lower the blinds; go and have a shower; Check if the door is properly locked; confirm that the children are fast asleep; increase or reduce the speed of the fan, or the air-conditioning unit; promise me you will take care of breakfast and prepare the children for school tomorrow, buy the shoe and bag I discussed with you etc. A frustrated husband complained “the orders wife normally give, like a commander of the army, must be obeyed, otherwise there will be no show for me, that night.”

• Burdensome attitude in the very act of sex. It is so frustrating when a partner is ever acting as if his or her partner is a burden in the act of sex. Such attitude is communicated in the following ways: lying down like a log of wood being sawed by the miller; saying “Do what you want to do and let me sleep so as to have a good night rest; sleeping off or dozing in the middle of the sex act; rolling off the bed to clean up while she is still moaning;

• Selfish attitude in sex matter. When what matters to you is your sexual satisfaction only, without caring for the feelings of your spouse. This manifests when you insist that sex must be on your own terms always. Thus, you choose the time for sex; the styles to be adopted; the number of rounds; the location, bed, chair, floor, kitchen etc. All these could be frustrating for the partner at the receiving end.

Couples should therefore do all to avoid such frustrating attitudes, in order to make sex a fulfilling venture in the marriage.

My book, enjoying great sex life, is still a master piece on marital sex. For details, call 08112658560.

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