Chinese wetin? Amala and Rafiu will do

I had done Chinese menu at a couple of their restaurants in Lagos before the recent blow-out on the racist Chinese Restaurant named Shi Shi, and I must confess not to have run into anything like being barred. However, I need to clarify that I’m neither adventurous nor exploratory enough to know of or ever bother about the kind of exclusive section the manager of the controversial restaurant claimed cater mainly for the Chinese in Lagos. Wetin dem dey serve for such angle? Only Commissioner Steve Ayorinde and his stingers could explain to us, maybe after another round of sting operation. Some operations!

Those lunch and dinner sessions of mine were also mainly sponsored, in the course of honouring meeting invitations, reason I would not join the crowd beating those reporting the racist policy, as engaging in a show of me-sef-dey-dia, by trying to lunch or dine at the restaurant at all. Like me, they could have compelling reasons to be there.

One bad thing about symptoms is that it takes attention away from the malaise. Yes, my Yoruba people always insist that eleyoro (fox) must first be handled and dispatched, before one’s hen receives its judgement, but for how long would one keep rubbing the back of the head of a child who consistently brings sorrow home? Why should one be protective of his own that keeps bringing shame? Why can’t the dirty linen of the hen be washed once before kolokolo? Who knows, such an open rebuke, could be a game changer for the hen, which is always seeking suicide.

Because I have resolved to always confess positive to this nation, I would simply ask those mourning the racist conduct of the Shi Shi management to take a look around them and genuinely ask if anyone, except those filled with the Spirit of God who get to see the Maker in every man, would think twice before spitting in the nation’s eyeball if and when the opportunities present themselves, considering what we call ourselves by our actions? Are foreign nationals around here blind to how cheap we cast ourselves to be, starting with the leaders, who show zero proof of humanity in them? Except in banana republics, who conducts elections the way we are currently claiming to be doing? What is the value of and for life around here? While the misguided policy stands condemned, we should insist that charity begins at home as a way of holding ourselves to collective accountability.

• Nigeria-Centric restaurant, Labule, extends frontiers

On a lighter but factual note, I personally hold Chinese cuisine, despite the celebratory episodes that go into serving them, as too tasty and not a great prescription for someone who wants to enjoy “life” in good health. Instead of sustained twitter mourning for those bounced at Shi Shi and their sympathisers, they can turn the ugly situation into a celebration by visiting the next available Mama Risikatu Amala joint where the popular ogufe (goat meat) popularly known as Rafiu, the bearded one, is a necessary accomplice to a howling bowl of amala (yam flour). Even if malaria dey for bodi, e go sama am.

Fayose, closer than ever?

Immediate past Ekiti governor, Ayodele Fayose, may be closer to becoming a prisoner than he thought or is thinking and this is authoritative. The thing is, the ever-confident fellow may not believe this or may just throw his usual I-don’t-care shoulder jig. But I repeat, he should be wary of the express trial he is getting as if he placed an emergency order to be served a jail number a la carte. Will stop at this for now, until he unfolds completely with his trial. One admonition though, the bustling enigma should remember that it takes getting the insiders’ support for a mystery to be unfurled. If I were him, I would return to alajobis.

Prof Yakubu too…

If it is true that INEC server computed winning figures for Atiku Abubakar, it is almost certain that the nation’s embattled chief electoral officer, Mahmood Yakubu, will have rough days ahead of him. If the figures also turned out false, nothing suggests a better fate for him. Those he is dealing with on both sides are nothing like the toughest, most irascible students he ever handled. These are men and women, I must add, whose god has verisimilitude to Beelzebub, which the Bible calls the god of Ekron, meaning the lord of the flies or dung. When possessed by their god of malevolent power, they feast on anything at sight; open sore, healing wound, scars and even freshness of any kind. But one thing is certain, they end up polluting whatever comes in contact with them. Yakubu’s fate may not be anything different. When his friend and compatriot, Attahiru Jega dragged the ivory tower into the Bermuda of partisan politics where the body polity feeds on itself, whatever he thought of the immediate benefits, pecuniary and all, possibly beclouded the danger he should have seen ahead, by stripping the academia of what was left of its innocence. Now, professors serving as collation and returning officers perform before live audience, poorer in delivery, than toddlers clowning about with toys mechanically-packaged to be of greater capacity than their mental ability.

Whether he’s clean or as dirty as his other professional colleagues in the election business, Yakubu has boxed self into a corner where the scavengers baying for his blood, sweat and soul, can easily have him just for the asking. He would be an easy pick and take because he has lost public confidence. The beginning of his ordeal would be a breaking news for a moment, before the Nigerian public would move past him. That is what one gets, running a slaving errand like a true slave.