Why women are more prone to depression —Professor Benedicta Oladimeji, Clinical Psychologist

Professor Benedicta Yetunde Oladimeji is a lecturer at the Department of Mental Health, College of Health Sciences, Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife, Osun State and a clinical psychologist. The national president, Association of Clinical Psychologists in this interview by TAYO GESINDE speaks on why mental illness may not be cured completely.

Growing up

It was a happy one. I was born in Abeokuta to Christian parents and I attended St Peters Cleaver Primary School, Abeokuta, Ogun State, then, I proceeded to Our Lady of Apostles,  Mary Way Grammar School Odo Ona, Apata, Ibadan. After which I gained admission to study Psychology at the Soviet Union. I came back to work briefly at the University College Hospital (UCH), Ibadan then got a transfer to Obafemi Awolowo University (OAU), Ile-Ife. I then went to Wales in (UK) for my PhD. Since, I returned to Nigeria, I have been working at OAU as a lecturer and clinical psychologist and that was where I got my professorship.

Choice of career

I like helping people with their problems and also help them to find solution to them. I am a doctor without injections. Initially, I was working mainly with men because there were no female psychologists then but they were very helpful maybe because of the nature of our work. I didn’t really have any challenge in that regard.

Combining the home front with my career

Combining my career with the home front was a bit of a challenge especially in the area of time management. In the early days, there would be seven o clock lectures in the morning and the children had to be taken care of as well. I had help and support especially from my husband and the house helps. It took me time to complete my PhD and my promotion wasn’t as rapid as it was for men. Because when I was going for the PhD, I took my children with me. So, I was taking care of them, taking lectures and going to library and so on. I was practically on my own because my husband was doing his own thing and even went to London. At a time, I felt I couldn’t cope anymore and wanted to give up because I had a baby then but my husband encouraged me not to quit and suggested that we send the baby to our parents in Nigeria to take care of her so that I could complete my programme. That was what I did that made me to complete the career. I thought I would leave her for a few months but ended up leaving her for two or three years. By the time I came back she didn’t know me. It was quite an ordeal getting her to relate with me and her sisters but we eventually scaled through and I am happy today all of my children are doing well because I was there to monitor and train them. Nowadays, I relax and let their dad do all the running around.

On being the proud mother of girls

To the glory of God, my parents-in law never put pressure on me. Even when I became worried when I had the last girl, my father-in law phoned and told me not to grumble at what God had given me. He said all I needed to do was to pray and bring them up very well. That removed every fear and anxiety. My girls are like boys in many ways. They taught me how to change tyres when we had a flat tyre while travelling from Ife to Ibadan.  We brought them up to think of themselves as human beings first and foremost. Yes of the female gender but not limited by gender. The oldest is an electrical engineer and the chief executive officer of an international company in Lagos. The second girl is a medical doctor and she is based in Abuja with her husband while the last born went to study Law in Britain and decided to stay there, she only came home to get married and went back.

On today’s women and the challenges of marriage

Today’s women are brought up to think and tackle problems but when it comes to marriage they are told this is your head and you must obey him. Yes, they agree but they are not used to being teleguided. Unfortunately, the boys are not raised up in a way that will help them occupy their rightful position. They want automatic obedience but they don’t know that it has to come gradually and with him showing her with love. For instance, if you both go to work and the girl comes home and prepares food and on getting home, instead of complaining about the food she cooked, thanked her for doing it. Of course, she will feel appreciated. Also, the man should help the woman out in the house.  It is give and take, sharing of responsibility because the head needs the neck to survive. That is why marriages are collapsing. So, parents should start teaching their sons that obedient is not automatic; rather, it comes with some responsibilities on their own part too. Another trend is that many young men today are looking for successful ladies that they will use and dump. I have seen quite a number of that. Really, it is not easy to obey a man but if you love the man you are married to and you know he loves you too, it won’t be too difficult to obey him. It is love that is lacking in many marriages today.

How I coped when my husband left lecturing for politics

I won’t say I liked it because when we were growing up our dream was to become lecturers and even become professors together. I have also known him to be an activist even when we were still in school, he coordinated and formed a group called Youth Thinkers Club which I also joined so I was not surprised when he expressed interest in politics. We prayed about it and he went in and God has been good to him. I am happy he believes and trusts in God because there had been rough times, for instance, his flat was bombed in Abuja during the time of Abacha and he narrowly escaped with his life. His family didn’t want him to go back at first but we later agreed that I should go with him.

Increase in suicide rate in Nigeria

There are many factors that could be responsible for that. First of all, suicide has always been around. If you will recall some of our historical icons like Sango and some others committed suicide so, it is not really a new thing. It was the advent of Christianity and Islam that brought the trend down because people were taught to value lives. But occasionally when there is disillusionment and discouragement especially when it comes to economic well being and so on, people tend to commit suicide. Men and women often attempt suicide but men are usually more successful in their attempts. Our people are very resilient that is why we don’t have a high suicide rate in Nigeria.

Women and depression

80 per cent of depressed psychiatric patients are women. Well, nobody has really been able to explain it but we know that women are analytical, deep thinkers and they go through hormonal changes during pregnancy and childbirth that can make them to be prone to depression. It is well known that five days after delivery, you tend to be feeling low and gradually come out of it again. And that could be hormonal, it is called baby blues but some women may not get out of it and it can get deeper and deeper until they end up in the hospital. Again nobody can say who will succumb and who will ride through. That is why women need to be prepared for life and childbirth. They should be sensitised that if after the fifth day of delivery, they don’t feel they are coming out of the blues, they should tell their doctors so that something can be done. They also need to be supported in other areas of life. So, don’t isolate yourself, be involved in women’s group and fellowship where you can share your problem or pray about it. Things like that will help. Being supported and surrounded by people help to guard against depression.

On whether mental illness can be totally cured

Mental illness is like many other illnesses that can affect the body. Many don’t go away completely; people just learn to manage them. If you take hypertension for instance, nobody will tell you it will be cured totally after six months but we know that it can be stabilised and managed through education, change in lifestyle and by using your drugs. Mental illness is also like that. The only complication with mental illness is that it affects the brain and your thinking. So most people when they have mentally ill, don’t realise it. So one of our aims is to make the person realise what he was doing was wrong and it is because of a mental illness that can be managed through drugs and lifestyle changes and so on. That is when we feel happy that we can let the person go and we always say that we are not promising that it can never happen again but we are saying that we have been able to curtail it but if you follow our guidelines and keep in touch to modify and so on, you may find that you are stable. Some people have it once and it doesn’t come back but for others, it may come back especially at a time of severe stress so nobody can say he can cure it completely.

Advice for young girls

Keep aiming high. First of all, get educated because no graduate will want to marry a school certificate holder. When you study hard, you will be sellable. Also, keep on struggling to at least maintain the things that the older generations have fought for. They should regard themselves first and foremost as God’s creation co-equal to men and given same physical abilities.