Why there are no more available single men in Nigeria —Destiny Amaka, actress, TV host

Destiny Amaka is an English/French born actress of a Nigerian father, who started acting since age four in England. She has been working as an On Air Personality at AIM Consulting, owners of CoolFm, WazobiaFM, Nigerian Info, Wazobia Max TV shortly after she returned to Nigeria in 2012. Destiny recently moved to the Wazobia Max TV where she co-hosts the “Love to Blog” show with Edewor. In this chat with Newton-Ray Ukwuoma, Destiny Amaka shares some of her intimate experiences especially about life after embarking on massive weight loss.

How has life been after your lost weight?

Very chaotic. The journey started from a heartbreak. So, it wasn’t as though it had a beautiful beginning. I was on a verge of type 2 diabetes. I had an accident years back that affected my lower back. I had a crucial ligament replacement on my left knee. My lower back wasn’t carrying all my weight efficiently. So, I had a lot of health issues. Losing weight was going to be beneficial to my health, but I couldn’t muster the courage to do it, until I got my heartbroken and lost appetite. That was when I started losing weight.  It wasn’t an intentional journey, but it turned out to be a profitable one, a life changing one, one that I do not want to reverse.

What was the cause of your heartbreak?

The cause of my heartbreak was me getting into a relationship with a Yoruba demon, who is actually Igbo. It was like my welcome to Lagos experience. When they say, “Shine your eyes!” That was my shine-your-eyes moment. In fact, that has been how my relationship experience has been since I came to Lagos. The first heartbreak resulted in my loss of appetite. After six weeks I lost a lot of weight without actually going to the gym. I realised then that it is more about what you eat than about what you do that determines your weight.

How long were you in Nigeria at that time?

I was three years in Lagos, Nigeria at that time. I have never lived anywhere else but in Lagos since I came back from London. I have visited the east. I did my Youth Service [National Youth Service Corps] in Ibadan, [Oyo State] and I registered in Abuja, but I have lived in Lagos ever since.

What is the gist of your Lagos relationship experience?

The gist of the experience is take your time to know the person before you give all of yourself to them.  The truth is if I waited a little longer before I entered into that relationship we probably would not have dated. I wasted two and half years in that relationship.

Is the person a celebrity?

The person is celebrated in the thing he does.

What would you say of Lagos men?

I have been here for six years. And I can say that 98 percent of the men that approach me are married. One person of them are young single men who have all the love to give you, all the attention, all the phone calls in the world but really can’t help physically or financially.

You mean they are broke!

Yes, they are broke. Thank you. (But I didn’t say that.) They are not broke, they don’t just have access to….

To money?

No. Access to opportunity. Money is an opportunity. I think if they had access to the opportunities that others do, they would have been a higher percentage of young single guys in Nigeria that are successful.

Do you think this is the reason so many young, mature women are single?

There are more women in Nigeria than men. That is a factor too.

How about the other one percent?

The other one percent are young, free single men, who have a lot of money but their attitude stink. They tend to think that you are the average Nigerian girl who wants something from them and they treat you like crap. So, the ones that fall on the grey area are the bankers, the professionals, the average guy who has a 9 to 5 job, who can afford to pay his bills, take care of friends and family. But those kind of men rarely come to me or appeal to me. That is why I put them on the grey area. I don’t even put them in the percentage because there is no in-between: you are either rich or poor.

In other words, fact, there are no available single men?

Maybe they are. I am not just seeing them. The ones available are probably not deep enough. They probably don’t have enough depth for me. I have few guys who want to date me, but they want to date me for the wrong reasons. But if we are friends, then I would probably get to know you better. Because I just want to know, what are you bringing forward. It doesn’t have to be about money.

Would you say you had more suitors now than when you lost weight?

The opposite. When I lost my weight I was like invisible. I am not joking. The little times I went out with my female friends who are curvy and all, I would go unnoticed. This was something I wasn’t used to. Having the hips that were like 55 centimetres and weight of 31kg, it was as though everyone wanted a piece of me back then. My heaviest was 98kg and my lowest as of January 28, 2018 was 63kg. Going out with my friends, when we get to the venue, all the eyes go to the big hips and big boobs and small waists. I was just like so strange to them, like people didn’t recognise me. It was when all the big bumbums and boobs ignore them that I would get a chance to even have a conversation. I was always secondary.

How did that make you feel? Did you feel like going back to your former shape?

It didn’t feel good for sure. No. I can’t even think of going back for any reason. The journey wasn’t for people to like me more or less. It was a personal journey. And I appreciate all the women who have the big bumbums and boobs and are proud of them. I am super supportive of them.

There was a rumour that it was Yaw who broke your heart. How would you react to that?

Yaw! No. I have never gone publicly to introduce who I was dating. Yaw and I have worked together successfully. We made a lot of money together. Yaw has been in Aim Consulting for over a decade now and I have been with him for five years. I think we just clicked. He brought me on board on some projects and we were able to build his brand as far as his stage plays are concerned. He also supported me in my own business. It was purely business with us.

Are you dating anyone now?

No. I am not in a hurry to get to a relationship now.

You left London to Nigeria six years ago. Why did you come back?

I have lived my whole life in London. I never schooled in Nigeria, never spent more than a week in Nigeria, until I was ready to relocate. My mum is not Nigerian. I am a child of a polygamous home. My mum was the youngest of three wives. As far as I am concerned she was a trophy wife. I am the youngest of four children from my mother’s side. It was grace that brought me back. I am so fortunate to be living in a country where you can have everything you ever dream about. That is how I see Nigeria especially when you are supposed to be here.

Do you feel you are supposed to be here?

Yes.

Why is that?

Because I am a child of destiny.

Is Nigeria your destiny?

I feel people are my destiny. I feel like I was smuggled away out of Nigeria by my mum. But that I grew up in England and live a very fortunate life, have great access to education while there is not all of that that matters. I made the decision to return to the land of my birth even though I was taken away from Nigeria when I was a child.That is why I am here.

You are in love with 50 Cent. Does he know?

God! I wish he did.

You tag him in mostly all your IG posts.

And I will continue until he responds. In fact, I am just getting confident in tagging him. Before I wasn’t very confident. When I see other big Nollywood stars commenting on big shots in America, I am always like“Hey, they don’t even know you exist”. But the truth is that I wish I could do more to get his attention. I live in the world of possibilities. I don’t care who you are. We are living in a world where a Prince of England is about to get married to a former divorcee and black woman. Anything is possible. For Rihanna to acknowledge some street dancers in Lagos and to post such an amazing message about them buttresses the fact.

What do you like about 50 Cent?

I like his tenacity. I like the fact that a human being was shot nine times and he didn’t die. That says a lot about his future. He was a street boy, selling mixtapes and hustling to become somebody. For someone to be so intimated to shoot him nine times and he didn’t die says a lot about his destiny.

Can you marry 50 Cent?

I no fit o. Maka gini? [Why?] I love and appreciate 50 Cent for who he is, but if you want to talk about the person and the character like the reality of 50 Cent, na joke I dey o.

You know that Don Jazzy has been fuming about Rihanna for years.

Yes. We were having that conversation recently. I told DJ [Don Jazzy] that whichever one of us gets there first, we should just connect the other. If he gets to Riri first, he should connect me to 50 Cent and vice versa. We are all in this together.

What do you have to say about the merging world between Nigeria and America in terms of creative collaborations?

I think it is phenomenal. It is just about time. I think it is not just about America, but the whole world. It is Africa to the world. I don’t come from an American system, I come from the British system. And you do not know the joy I have in my heart when I walk into a UK department store, I hear Wizkid, or a Mavin track, or Tekno or Davido. God is good. I grew up in London when it wasn’t cool to be African, you don’t understand. All of us Nigerian girls used to pretend to be Jamaicans because being Jamaican was fashionable then. We were called African booboo or that we live on trees. There was a negative stigma to it. That was the time I grew up. So, seeing people enjoying our jollof rice, enjoying our music, our culture, walking into department stores and hearing Nigerian songs means a lot to me.

Do you still act?

Yes, I still do. Acting was cool when I moved to Nigeria first and I was undertaking my youth service. I was doing freelance acting. Sometimes I get paid sometimes I don’t. It became really difficult at some point. I had to pull back so I can pay my bills. I was fortunate enough to get a job at AIM consulting, the owners of Wazobiafm, Cool Fm, Nigerian Info, Wazobia Max TV and other franchise. They kept me in the entertainment field, so I can still act when the opportunity comes and still do my job.

You recently attended the London Film School. Why did you go there?

I want to give my creative side more expression. I have plans of launching my own production company. Right now, there are a lot of legalities happening. When I went to London Film School I did a course on feature film and factual film.  I also did an additional course on how to run your own production company. I just want to make contents.