Why getting trained for parenting should be an obligation now —Wendy Ologe

Wendy Ologe is a parent coach with over five years’ experience. She is the founder of The Intentional Parents Academy (TIP), a coaching academy dedicated to equipping parents and intending parents to intentionally raise children positively. She is also the convener of the Inner Circle, an annual programme for parents in the academy. In this interview by KANGMWA GOFWEN, she speaks about parenting in this day and age and why parents must get training for their parenting journey.

Tell us about the Intentional Parents Academy and the inner circle.

The Intentional parent Academy is an academy where parents are being taught how to parent right. The Academy started in 2018 and has laid a foundation where more parents can come and learn to improve on their parenting. The Inner Circle is an annual program of the academy where parents all over the world come under one platform to learn, share their experiences and challenges and source for solutions together. It is an accountability platform where you are being held accountable, bringing you back and keeping you on tract whenever it seems you are derailing from your parenting journey. It is a place where every parent must be.

 

You recently concluded a course on sex education for parents in your academy. What is the idea behind the course?

In our world today, sex conversation has always been based on the traditional private part-public part discussion. Most parents and guardians do not know how to begin sex conversation and what to say during sex conversation. Sex conversation has gone beyond public part and private part. It now encompasses masturbation, drug abuse, gender confusion, pornography, LGBTQ and all that. And for the mere fact that these variables are targeted at children, parents need to be taught on what to look out for when having sex conversation with their children, this premise birthed the Sex Educate Your Child like a pro course. During the course, experts were brought in to lecture parents on different variables that constitute sex conversation today. Parents were also given step-by-step and age-appropriate guides to starting sex conversation with their children. Testimonies from the course show how successful it was, and I am glad to have brought this course to parents.

 

Why did choose parenting as a field to specialize in?

One of the things I enjoy doing is seeing parents who are intentional about raising their children, especially in a world full of all manners of vices as we see today. That is why immediately you sign up for our Inner Circle program, the first affirmation we make you create is, “I have time to parent my child”. The intentionality must include, dedicating ample time for children and creating connection with them, and this can only be done by parents who have “extra” knowledge of parenting, which can be gotten through continuous learning.

 

Why is it important for parents to be trained for parenting?

I usually say “You prepare for war before the war starts. You don’t start preparing when the war has already started”. With the happenings in the world targeting children, it becomes very compulsory for parents to seek higher knowledge. The LGBTQ community for instance is doing a lot to indoctrinate children whose parents do not even know what a concept like LQBTQ is about. Pornography, sexting and other online vices are targeted at children. How will a parent begin to address these issues if they are not well grounded in parenting knowledge? Getting trained as a parent is no more an option. It is an obligation that must be met, if you must raise a child differently.

 

How can parents shield their children from the vices in the society?

The bible says “And wisdom and knowledge shall the stability of our time…” It also states that, “My people are perishing for lack of wisdom”. When you are armed with appropriate parental knowledge needed in this age and time, your parenting journey becomes very smooth and easy. You get to know the skills to teach your children that can help them navigate their world even in your absence and make them stand out of the crowd. In all you do, “seek knowledge”.

 

Our parents never had any formal training for their parenting journey. What has changed now?

A lot has changed. Our parents parented on the premise of shaming, blaming, condemning and attacking, what I call “fear-based parenting”. When you look at the world today, such techniques no longer apply. Children in this age and time have access to unlimited information, both good and bad, and they usually want to explore and try out whatever they come in contact with. This has made it necessary for parents to upgrade their approach toward raising children in this 21st century.

 

Do you think the way people are raised will affect their parenting style?

Parenting style is one aspect of parenting that should be taken very serious. A child whose parents often fights and shout at each other will grow up believing shouting and yelling are the only ways to solve a problem. A child whose father beats the mother up at any slightest instance will grow up with that mentality and will end up doing same at adulthood when he eventually gets married. So yes, parenting style greatly affect how people are raised.

 

Who plays the most roles in a child’s life teachers or parents?

In a child’s life, education begins in the family and communication is first non-verbal. This makes the parent as the first and most important agents in the life of the child. Teachers are there to add in shaping the child’s life, but this can only be made easy if the parents played their role effectively.

 

How long have you been a parenting coach and how has the journey been?

I have been a parent coach for 5 years and counting. Interacting and helping families nationally and internally solve their parenting challenges has been a wonderful experience, and I am looking forward to doing more.

 

How best do you think parents can protect their children with technology and social media in perspective?

I often say that you cannot give a child a car to drive without first teaching the child how to drive. Most children today are social media savvy instead of technology savvy, which is why you see a whole lot of children everywhere on social media unrestricted. Before giving your child access to technology, you must first of all have a structured media plan in your home, highlighting the things that are allowed and those that are not, in relation to technology use.

 

What does it mean for a parent to be strict and is it a viable form of parenting?

This will depend on what ‘strictness’ mean to such family. If it is synonymous with what I call “fear based parenting”, then something is definitely wrong with such form of parenting. Fear based parenting is one where the children are so afraid of their parents that having a heart-to-heart discussion becomes very difficult. A situation where the father or mother acts as the ‘Commander-in-Chief’ whose presence sends chill down everyone’s spines and where everyone takes cover upon the sight or sound of such parent. With this, connection is lost, communication is restricted, and children in such situations seek refuge elsewhere, where they can be listened to. Trust me, this form of parenting will send your children to looking for answers outside and the resultant effect will be the undiluted information they will get out there which might end up defining their personality and the way they behave.

 

What extend can parents be free with their children?

I do not feel there should be an extent to which parents can be free with their children. Parents being free with their children should not be defined by any circumstances. The home should be a place where the children can fall back on, at the event of any occurrence. They should be free to discuss anything with their parents and seek parental advice. This does not take away the place of independence on the part of the child at adulthood.

 

What is your advice to parents about parenting in this day and age?

Seek knowledge. Get knowledge. Apply the knowledge you have gotten in your parenting journey and watch your children grow to become who they want to be, while you enjoy a stress-free life.

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