IMAGINE walking into a crowded market, weaving through the chaos, when suddenly, someone shoves past you with such force that you nearly lose balance. No “excuse me,” no “sorry,” no acknowledgment, just a hurried departure as if nothing happened. Similarly , imagine offering someone help, only for them to walk away without a simple “thank you.” These small courtesies may seem trivial, but their absence chips away at the unspoken rules that keep society functioning smoothly.
As discussed last week, society has both written rules (laws) and unwritten rules, things we are simply expected to know. When someone ignores these expectations, they may not go to jail, but they will face social consequences.
While discussing informal social deviance, we can’t ignore how small, everyday courtesies shape social interactions. Words like “Excuse me,” “Sorry,” and “Thank you” might seem insignificant, but their absence often signals a disregard for basic social norms.
These small words serve as social lubricants. They make interactions smoother, prevent conflicts, and create a sense of respect among people. When ignored, they don’t just make others uncomfortable; they subtly erode social harmony. But where do we draw the line? Should we tolerate every breach of social norms, or is it okay to correct people? The answer depends on context and intent. Some people are unaware that their behavior is disruptive, while others simply don’t care. A little courtesy, mindfulness, and respect for others can go a long way in making social spaces more pleasant for everyone.
Cultural and religious norms also deserve respect. Talking loudly or using phones during prayers or religious services disregards sacred spaces. Dressing inappropriately in places with specific cultural expectations such as wearing very revealing outfits at a funeral or religious site can be perceived as disrespectful. Some informal social deviance extends into the digital space. Reading someone else’s private messages, whether by peeking at their phone or going through their personal chats, is an invasion of privacy.
Noise pollution is another issue people often overlook. Honking excessively in traffic, even when unnecessary, contributes to chaos on the road. Speaking too loudly in public spaces like buses, malls, or restaurants can be disruptive. Laughing or shouting excessively in quiet areas such as hospitals, libraries, or offices can be inconsiderate to those who need a calm environment.
Lateness to functions is another example of informal social deviance. Some people are perpetually late to meetings, social gatherings, and even professional appointments. This habit wastes other people’s time and disrupts schedules. In some cultures, punctuality is a sign of respect, while lateness is seen as a lack of regard for others. Despite this, lateness has become so normalized that many no longer see it as a problem. There is even what we call African time, which simply means you are not expected to arrive at the scheduled time, lateness has been normalized.
Why do people engage in informal social deviance? While some instances of informal social deviance stem from mere oversight, others are deeply rooted in psychology, social conditioning, and cultural differences. Understanding the reasons behind these behaviors can help us address them more effectively. People’s behaviors are largely shaped by their upbringing and environment. What is considered rude in one family or community might be normal in another. Some children grow up in households where table manners are strictly enforced, while others are never corrected for loud chewing or talking with their mouths full. Similarly, someone raised in an environment where public courtesy is emphasized will instinctively say “excuse me” or “thank you,” while another person, never taught its importance, might see it as unnecessary. Over time, these behaviors become ingrained, making it difficult for individuals to recognize when they are violating social norms.
Cultural differences also play a role. What one culture sees as deviant, another might accept as normal. In some cultures, personal space is highly valued, and standing too close to someone in a queue is considered intrusive. In other cultures, close physical proximity is a sign of warmth and friendliness. Similarly, noise tolerance varies, while some societies frown upon loud conversations in public, others embrace vibrant public interactions as part of their social life. The challenge arises in multicultural societies, where different cultural expectations collide. A person acting within the norms of their own culture might unknowingly violate another’s unspoken rules.
In crowded cities and public spaces, anonymity often leads to a disregard for social norms. People are more likely to engage in deviant behaviors when they feel they won’t be held accountable. Someone who wouldn’t litter in their own home might casually drop trash on a busy street, assuming no one is watching. Similarly, in public transport, some people feel detached from those around them, leading them to blast music on their phones or engage in loud conversations without considering how it affects others. The lack of personal accountability fuels such behavior.
Informal social deviance may seem harmless, but its cumulative effect, it can erode mutual respect, create tension in shared spaces, and weaken the social fabric that holds communities together. Whether it’s disregarding common courtesies, invading others’ privacy, consistently arriving late without any concern for others’ time, or engaging in inconsiderate behavior online and offline, these small acts shape the way we interact and coexist.
However, addressing these issues isn’t just about calling people out, it’s about fostering awareness, encouraging mindfulness, and reinforcing the importance of respect in everyday interactions. A society where people are more considerate of each other ultimately becomes a more harmonious one that can boost individuals’ mental health
Next week, we will conclude this discussion by examining digital etiquette and workplace informal deviance, as well as how social media and online behavior contribute to these issues. We will also explore practical ways to address these challenges—from raising awareness to promoting courtesy and social education—to help rebuild a culture of mutual respect and responsibility.
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