Tips for a great marriage (1)

ONE resolution married couples should make this year, which coincidentally marks the beginning of a new decade, is to make their marriage a great one. This is important going by the stress that families passed through in the immediate past decades. Since marriage is the foundation of the family institution, married couples need to be more committed to the success of the marriage institution, which has suffered greatly in the hands of divorce, separation, physical abuse, and untimely death over the years. This New Year and decade therefore afford us the opportunity to right the wrongs, and make marriage to move from the common assertion of “a necessary evil, to that of” an enjoyable and necessary good. After all, couples go into marriage with high hopes of enjoying the marriage, rather than enduring it.”

To this end, I strongly advise that married couples do the following things as a sign of commitment towards the task of building a great marriage.

• Resolve to make your marriage a success

When man decides to succeed at any endeavour, the mind will drive such a resolve, such that, ninety nine percent of the time, success is guaranteed. All it takes is a resolve, and marriage is not an exception, in this wise. Once a couple resolves to make the marriage work, it will. Marriages exist to attest to this truth. No matter the state of your marriage today, the magic wand to wave for its success is a resolve by the two persons who make up the couple. Not one of them, but two of them, working together, and firing from all arsenals, will achieve their resolve.

• Believe the best of each other

Each one must believe the best of each other to add value to themselves that will make the marriage succeed. This will drive their resolve by making necessary sacrifices, knowing full well that both are not working at cross purposes. This belief is crucial to the success of the marriage. It is what draws the best of efforts out of each party in the marriage to work for its success.

• Build on the strength of each other

This is what it means to add value to each other. I learnt this from a neighbour of mine years ago. Ask him anytime about his wife, his response will be “she is adding value.” A couple must build on the strength of each other, instead of the negatives of each other. No person is all negatives, without positives. So, let us hype our positives, to build our strength.

• Conflicts must never be allowed to fester for too long

Conflicts must be resolved within the minimum time frame. Do so immediately, or allow a little time for nerves to calm, or for love to cover up. Remember, when matters are left unresolved over a long time, they go from bad to worse. Time does not heal the wound, it only numbs the pain.

• Adopt effective communication in the marriage.

One issue that often destroys marriage is poor communication. Couples should use words advisedly. I did a series on this last year; we can take advantage of them. The bottom line is to watch our tongue in communicating with each other. Good and not destructive words should be employed at all times, no matter the level of provocation. Remember that words are like eggs, once spoken, cannot be retrieved. Apology will not suffice in taking words back: we only keep them away for as long as it lies within us.

My book, Enjoying Great Sex Life, is still available for sale. Call 08112658560 for details.