The society suffers for parents’ failure —Monisola Adeyeoluwa

Monisola Adeyeoluwa, an educationist, counsellor, and the proprietress of Shalom Christian College, Ibadan, Oyo State, in this interview by TAYO GESINDE, speaks about the need for parents to teach their children the fear of God in their formative years.

 

Choice of career

I am into Christian education, which is my calling. I established Shalom Christian Nursery and Primary School in 1988, and twelve years later, I established the college. I have had the privilege to lead the Association of Nursery and Primary Schools in Oyo State. Currently, I coordinate the Association of Christian Schools International, Oyo State chapter.

 

What has the experience been like, running a school?

When there is a vision, you don’t even see challenges. They are there but because of the passion you have for what you are doing, you will give it your all, because you know that the lives of the children in your care are more important than any other thing. There are challenges of getting the right personnel; people who will understand the vision and run with it.  And being a Christian school, we are very particular about the type of people we employ. We don’t compromise on our Christian values because it is strictly a Christian school. Another challenge is getting financial supports. As a school owner, if you don’t come from a rich family or have the support of an international organisation, you will have to go to the bank and it is not easy to go to a bank.  We have an agricultural bank that supports farmers, we have the Bank of Industry that supports industries. Why can’t we have a bank for education? Last year, we had a meeting of all the stakeholders in education in Oyo State with the consultant to the Oyo State government on education, Chief (Mrs) Nike Akande, I spoke about this issue. It is obvious that the government cannot handle education alone and if there are individuals that are cooperating with the government to train these children and are also helping government to provide employment for people, there should be a bank where they can get loans with small interest. Government needs to help school owners in Nigeria. Schools are not making money. When you decide to educate a child, you want to ensure that the child fulfills destiny and stands out. If we toy with education, we are toying with the nation and that is why we are having the problems we are having now.

 

Many parents, in a bid to make ends meet now saddle schools with the responsibility of not just educating, but also training their children. What is your view on this?

It is wrong and it is a serious issue that we Christian school owners are trying to work on the need for parents to know the importance of parenting. If I am to take us to the Scriptures, God instituted the family and gave instructions to parents.  In the Book of Deuteronomy, God said, “Teach them to your children and their children after them.”  It is the role of parents to train and teach their children. Schools and the government are only to play complementary roles.  Once parents fail in their roles, it will affect the society as a whole. Parents don’t have time for their children any more. I have seen a situation where a parent said it was because she didn’t know what to do again that she brought her son to the boarding school. She expected his colleagues to do everything for him; sweeping, washing and so on. I have also seen a parent who said she didn’t send her child to school to sweep because the child poured something on the floor and was asked to sweep it. We are getting it wrong. It is because the family system is failing that we are having examination malpractices, cultism and so on. As a counsellor, I have interacted with girls and young mothers who said when they were growing up, their mothers were not there for them. What do you expect from such people when it is their own turn to raise their children? A lady told me that her parents made sure she had enough money to buy all she needed but not love. She said she could never confide in her mother and all she learnt, she learnt from her friends. So, she lived a riotous life until she met Christ.

 

What is the way out of this situation that we have found ourselves in?

One mistake we have made is stopping prayers in school and removing God from the system. If you look at the history of education all over the world, religion and education have always gone together. Let God be brought back into schools. I am not just talking of Christianity only. When we take God out of education, we have finished education. We are raising children who do not have heart for God. We are raising a godless generation and this will affect the nation. Wickedness will be everywhere because there is no fear of God. And that is why God is looking at the family. That is why God gave parents the mandate to teach their children. “If the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do?’’ It must be a deliberate action from parents to train their children in the way of God. The Bible, in Jeremiah 12:5 says: “If you have run with foot men and they have tired you out, how can you compete with horses? If you fall down in the land of peace, how will you do in the thickets of the Jordan?” When children are young they are in their comfort zone. When you are in your comfort zone, everything is easy. If a child was not taught in the comfort zone, he would not be able to run with horses when he is admitted to the university. If he was not taught about God and the fear of God, he won’t be able to contend with horses. Horses could be cultism or bosses that would ask them to compromise. Children that were well-grounded in the things of God would say no, but children who were not grounded would compromise. The verse also talks about the thicket of the Jordan, thicket of the Jordan is real.  There is nobody who would not pass through that time. It is a time of strong temptation, time of challenges, financial struggle and so on. Any child who is not brought up in the things of God won’t recognise God in the thickets. Thickets are where lions are; the lions of this world are always lying in wait for their prey. And that is why marriages are failing. Many young women are pulling out.  We need to go back to God. We should allow Him to lead us. The vision of Christian education is to bring God back to the classrooms. To teach children about the fear of God.

 

Marriages are crumbling like a pack of cards everyday, from experience, how can we address issues in marriage and what are the recipes for a successful marriage?

It is the family system that has broken down that is responsible for the collapse of marriages. Many young people live in a world of fantasy. There is too much foreign influence. They are exposed to many romantic films and they feel what they watch in films are applicable to real life. Young men and women must look before they leap. Thank God for religious organisations that are now doing pre-marital counselling for intending couples. Couples need to be properly counselled before marriage and whoever is counselling them must not run away from the truth. If there is a deliberate action to train youths about marriage, what is expected of them, what they need to know, it will help a lot.

 

What is your take on the issue of gender equality?

The issue of gender equality is also affecting homes now. In my view and from what I believe in and teach, in business and career, men and women are equal, but when it comes to the home and family, they are not equal. Even if the wife is a professor and the husband is a clerk, the husband is the head of that home. Anything that will reverse it will lead to chaos. No matter how rich or educated a woman is, the respect for the husband must always be there and visible to all.

 

How can a woman successfully combine her career with the home front?

No matter how busy or how successful a woman is, the home must never suffer. The home must always come first. God is number one, husband two, followed by the children. You must give them all time. Spend quality time together. If you are always busy during the week, create time for them at weekends. Your children are important. Also, don’t allow anything to come between you and your God.  If you make your husband a priority, he will give you support in your business and career. I have experienced that first-hand. Whatever I am today, it is because I had the backing of my husband. Though he is late today, he gave me everything I needed to succeed and I knew my limitations as a woman. That was what helped us. We always had a family meeting with the children every weekend where we all talked freely. Finally, be opened to one another and your children. Let them all know what you are earning. If your children know what you can afford, they won’t ask you for the impossible.

 

Rape of minors and young people is on the increase, how can we protect young people from this evil?

It is the effect of godlessness. I will plead with the government to bring back religious studies and prayers to school. This will help children to learn how to fear God and this will make them to grow up to be God-fearing adults. We are having all these problems because things have fallen apart and the centre can no longer hold.  Also, there should be a strict law that will serve as deterrents. Security agents and the judiciary too must ensure that the laws are enforced. No perpetrator must be allowed to go scot-free.

 

What is your advice for parents and the youths?

They must seek God.  When their future is in the hands of God, they are secure, the children of nowadays don’t want to be trained but God has given parents the responsibility of training them. When they are trained in the way of the Lord in their formative years, when they grow up, they won’t depart from it.  Age 19 and 22 years are very volatile, parents should not leave them alone at that age, that is the age where extra work needs to be done on them.