The mindset for sex in marriage

I have always believed in the saying that sex is a thing of the mind. When the mind is not tuned towards sex, it becomes a mirage and a burden trying to have sex, not to talk of enjoying sex in marriage. Many at times when sexual fulfilment is not achieved, or the beauty of sex, which is embedded in mutual enjoyment of the couple, is missing, the factor of the mind, may be responsible. The mind plays a unique role in sexual response or enjoyment. So a couple that will enjoy great sex in their marriage must work on their minds in order to ensure that they get into the sex mood frequently.

A wife once complained to me that her husband was regularly turning down her sexual advances. And when I said regularly, I mean just that in the straightway. He was always complaining of being tired. Now, you and I know that there is more than one reason for a man to behave in this manner. The easiest thought that could come readily to one’s mind is that the husband may be having an affair. So, having had enough outside, he becomes useless sexually when he gets home. But, I came to discover through this case that the problem with that husband was the issue of the mind. He  just started building a new business, and was driving himself hard to ensure that the business succeed. So, sex was the last thing on his mind each night as he retired to bed. Even when the wife dressed provocatively for his sexual attention, he was never moved to the point of giving her a great sex treatment. The best he could give at such moment was a little of ”rise and sink” satisfaction to the wife. His mind was not tuned in that direction.

• Should I continue with my proposal?

A few days ago, I was engaged in a conversation with a woman on this issue, and her response was that when the mind is not in it, the body will hardly respond. So, the place of the mind in getting a couple into the sex mood cannot be underestimated. Every couple who desires a great sex marriage must work on their mind to become responsive to sex. When this is achieved, then great sex marriage becomes a reality. This is even more necessary for the wife. To get a man into the sex mood is a little easier with the man than the woman. This is because a man can be aroused by beholding the physical sight of a woman, or her naked body. But it takes more than physical sight of a man for a woman’s mind to be tuned for sex.

Putting the mind in the mood for sex  requires both husband and wife working at giving each other peace of mind. This is where the issue of intimate relationship comes into play. A couple that will enjoy a great level of peace of mind must be intimately connected. You cannot be quarrelling always and enjoy a great sex life in your marriage. A man may even be able to do that because of his body make up. For a woman, it’s going to be a herculean task to achieve. It is like taking a fish out of the water, and putting it on the bare ground to swim.

When a woman is not happy, the mind is not tuned for sex at all, not to talk of great sex. This is why men are the ones who complain more about sexual response of their wives. The truth is that many wives are not happily married. They feel battered and unfulfilled for so many reasons. Like one woman asked recently, why is this world like a man’s world: he calls the shot everywhere he goes; he is not the one who changes his name at the altar; he determines the company his wife can keep; he is the one who physically batters the wife by reason of his physique; he rules like the lord over her. The situation becomes worsened these days when the wife is also expected to jointly finance the home. And many wives even take the lion’s share of the budget nowadays. Can a wife in such a situation be happy? Can she enjoy great sex life in the marriage?

It is also a fact that the economic recession affect the mindset for sex. Couples think less of sex but more about survival. Like a man stated recently that with the many bills to pay, sex is the last thing on many husbands’ mind.

Every couple also needs to make sure that their conflict resolution mechanism is kept functioning on a regular basis. Conflict at the home front may not be totally eliminated, but should be drastically reduced. Through tolerance and mutual cooperation, we can minimise the conflict points in the marriage setting. After all, we did not get married with the mind of fighting each other. Love brought us together, and the same love should keep us together. Do I hear you say did love bring us together? The truth is that love is what should bring us together for marriage. Anything short of this will never make for peace in the marriage. Without love, tolerance is unachievable because love bears all things, endures all things. And when it is mutual, conflict resolution is made easy.

So if we need more great sex in our marriages, then let us work at keeping our minds in the right mood. Right atmosphere for peace of mind should be created by each couple to ensure that the right mood for sex is maintained.

In response to my readers’ request, I have packaged some of my previous articles into a book with the title: ENJOYING GREAT SEXLIFE. You can call me on 08112658560 for the details.