Opinions

Spousal killings: A worrisome trend

MR Sunday Nwaka, a native of Njikoka Local Government Area of Anambra State, was said to have had a family quarrel with his wife leading to his pouring a gallon of petrol on her before setting her on fire. Mrs Blessing Nwaka died as a result of the injuries she suastained from the fire incident. Another woman, Chioma Nwana, was also set ablaze by her husband after he accused her of infidelity. Chioma also lost her life few days after. In Niger State also, Fatima Dzuma snuffed life out of her husband with a pestle. Baba Aliyu was asleep when Fatima hit him severally with the pestle. She then carried him and dumped his body inside a nearby bush singlehandedly. Another case was recorded in North Carolina, in the United States of America. According to New York Post, George Lesniak fatally shot his wife, Cathleen Lesniak, inside their home over alleged cheating. All the above-mentioned killings were recorded this year January. Since the beginning of this year, the internet has not rested with such heart wrenching news of spousal killings left and right because it is not peculiar to Nigeria alone.

Spousal killing, also known as Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), has become a pervasive issue all over the world that calls for great concern. This crime leaveS children shattered and broken for life while the extended families are usually traumatised. It is a menace that needs a great attention which unfortunately, many are taking with a pinch of salt, the government of various countries, inclusive. Many people do not pay much attention to their spouse’s mental health in marriage and this may be their undoing. A lot of people have untreated mental health conditions like depression, personality disorders and untreated bipolar disorders. All the aforementioned can actually lead to the risk of violent behaviours. Also, if there is a pattern of emotional or psychological abuse, it can graduate to full blown domestic violence. The height of it is when physical attacks occur. A lot of men and women who have been abusing drugs or alcohol can become physically aggressive later. A drunk or high person may not be able to control his or her emotions and may likely misbehave.

Read Also: IGP Egbetokun decorates newly promoted senior Police officers

It has also been established that gender stereotypes and patriarchal attitudes can contribute to domestic violence. There are certain violent acts that some people portray which the societies do accept as the norm, unfortunately. For example, if a man and his wife get involved in a fight and people gather, they are most likely to say it is normal between a couple ‘to fight and settle.’ The families pleading with the woman to ‘endure for the sake of the kids’ or that ‘it rains everywhere.’ The African society does say that married men are never wrong and this contributes to the way some of them have a bloated ego and treat their wives badly.

In Nigeria alone, up to 25 cases were recorded at the beginning of this year. This presupposes that there are many more unrecorded cases. The rate at which men and women end the lives of their spouses is so worrisome and it has never been this bad especially in this country. How do we address this menace and put a stop to it so that promising men and women won’t be losing their lives in the hands of spouses who should be each other’s shield? The government should organise workshops, campaigns and support groups which primary job would be to educate people about what a healthy relationship should be. These support groups can educate people on the signs to look out for in cases of domestic violence and how best to resolve conflicts in marriage. People should be encouraged to seek help as soon as they smell trouble in their relationships and marriages. They should know when to also withdraw before things escalate for the worse. There should be law enforcement officials whose job will be to respond swiftly to domestic violence calls and they should ensure that there are necessary resources to support victims and survivors. The era of officers of the law telling victims to endure should pass nor should they be mocked by the same people who should be protecting them.

The society should also learn to stop stigmatising people, especially women, who dared to leave abusive marriages. The fear of what the society and families will say has made a lot of women stay back in abusive relationships eventually led to their demise. Fathers should let their daughters know they can always leave and come back to their families if things gets too unbearable instead of telling them they do not have a place in their nuclear families just because they got married. A woman does not cease to be a part of her father or mother’s family just because she got married. That narrative should stop. People should be bold to report cases of abuses and any suspicious behaviours an individual exhibits and they should be giving massive support to victims rather than castigating them. On the part of the government, we need stronger laws and policies that will protect victims. Perpetrators should be held accountable and there should not be nepotism or favouritism. The government should also make mental health services free and accessible for citizens if possible, if it can’t be free, then it should be affordable, at least.

Many who need therapy aren’t taking it serious because it is expensive. Even those who are supposed to be treated for substance abuse can’t afford the payment for sessions. Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) can be preventable if we are really serious about it. It is a tragedy that should not be allowed to rear its head and cause more havoc than we have witnessed. If the root causes are addressed, it will be of great help. The government can get to work by implementing effective prevention strategies as analysed earlier. There is also the need to foster a culture of respect, irrespective of gender. People should be taught the need to be empathic and why they should have a zero tolerance for violence. In the same vein, people should be comfortable to discuss their relationships and they should be free to seek help without fear of judgment. The fear of what people will say is part of the reasons many put up with abusive partners.

Nobody should be made to feel less of themselves just because they chose to leave to live.