Social media tapes: How parents can help children cope

DOZENS of reactions have followed the viral video on the internet  involving a girl from Chrisland School in Victoria Island in Lagos State, who was allegedly raped by her fellow schoolmate who is claimed to be 13 years of age.

The incident occurred in March during the World School Games event in Dubai, United Arab Emirates (UAE). The students recorded the romp and uploaded it on Instagram, a social media platform. While the school claims the students involved acted “willfully,” several social media posts claim differentlyn that the girl was “raped by fellow pupils.”

There has been different reactions on social media platforms. Some people blamed bad parenting while others blamed society. However, Dr Yetunde Adeniyi, a child psychiatrist at the University College Hospital, Ibadan, said blame trading shouldn’t be the focus now, but ensuring that the 10-year-old girl and the boys involved have closure and the incident does not leave irreparable damage on them.

Dr Adeniyi stated “It was bad that it was recorded but somehow it shouldn’t have gone to the internet. People really did not think through the consequence it is going to have on the child, her family, and the school in years to come.

“The child might have to deal with it for life. Right now, she would need to be seen by a child psychiatrist, psychologist or child counsellor who will need to support and help her cope and sort things out.

“When children are found in this kind of situation, they are not to be blamed. They are not to continue being sodomized, called names or said to be wayward. Those are not things that will happen at this point; these are just public talks, and they are not going to add anything meaningful to the girl’s recovery.

“Also, the family members, teachers, the boys involved and all significant others in the case will require emotional support to ensure everyone achieves closure. Also, the teachers need to debrief; they need to know what they should do in a situation like this in the future.

“But beyond all of this, we need to continue to give sex education among children. Children at that age, especially adolescents are very adventurous and they are inquisitive. Sometimes, they do them not out of emotions. They need to know what to do and what not to do. That is why adults need to always remember that children need supervision and constant education at all times.

“I’m sure that was a lapse in the supervision of the children that was why they were able to have that much time to do what they did. We need to keep reminding them about this,  children will always need supervision. You don’t assume that they are going to do what is appropriate. They’re not designed to do what is appropriate.

“Children are meant to be protected and nurtured; this responsibility lies on adults around any particular child. You don’t leave children to just grow on their own. There has to be supervision. There has to be boundary setting.

“Issues about whether a child should have a phone or should have access to social media, all boil down to what training was given. It is not about access to all those things that is the problem, it is their use. The values inculcated in them will help them to know the limits of what they can do and what they cannot do.”

Dr Adeniyi stated that predicting that the 10-year-old girls’ behaviour was an aftermath of a disjointed family, peer group influence or a mental health problem will only be possible after an expert’s detailed assessment.

She added: “children don’t just pick up things that they want to do. Most of the time, they must have seen one or two people do these things. That is what is called modelling.

“Also she might not have had enough supervision on both sides of the parents and of the school. Schools have roles to play. Nowadays parents have a lot of influence on schools, especially schools that are pricey. So it is parents that dictate; that we want our children to have phones and tabs. We don’t want homework and they tend to want to yield to them.

“Schools will have to fall back to standards of operation and put their foot down to say, we know you’re paying a lot of money, but this is what we want to do. This is what we need to do to make things work because eventually, the backlash is coming back to the school.”

However, Dr Adeniyi also declared that in some instances, unusual behaviours in children, including rebellion, may be present in children that have mental health challenges like depression and hypomania.

According to her, “whenever children have depression, they don’t present it like adults would do.” Sometimes their behaviours are unusual and not what they used to be. So it might be rebellion. Sometimes, they may behave in a way that would show that they don’t really care.  But it’s difficult to tell that the girl might have some of these, but it’s not impossible if we carry out the evaluation of her.”

Professor Ayodele Jegede, a sociologist and former dean, Faculty of Social Sciences, University of Ibadan, stated the eroding moral values; lack of guidance for children from mothers, being first teachers in life, human rights proponents, and weak social fabric had contributed to cases like the 10-year girl from Chrisland School in Victoria Island Garden City.

According to him, reverting this would also require a change in Nigeria’s educational policy to ensure pupils can learn in school more about their social and cultural values while learning to find a balance between western culture and African culture and values.