Seeking the excellent woman in this generation

THIS generation has been described as essentially concerned with the self, unable to think big and proffer grand visions. As Joel Stein puts it, it is a generation consisting of ‘lazy, shallow and entitled narcissists’  whom one of the entries on the blog – Waleayo’s Musings – describes as ‘a generation that Google everything and act like we know it. A generation that is more concerned about looking good than feeling good.’ Obviously, this is a generation that must be seeking good and excellence in the wrong things and places, making it important to interrogate how the females among them in particular are going about this serious business of seeking to mould ourselves right. It is of course true that given the obsession with the social media and the instant gratification attendant on such platforms, girls are wont to see the Beyoncés and the Tiwa Savages of the world as role models with the urge to copy their dressing and looks and therefore want to be like them always, to be what is called slay queen. It is to be noted that this notion of role model is not related to the hard work of Beyonce or Tiwa Savage or their being accomplished singers and musicians.

As far as most girls are concerned, it is right to imitate the fashion and dressing of these people without regard to anything else. Little do they realise that these singers are only doing their own work with their stage and brand appearances and do not necessarily regale themselves like that at home. They are paid as entertainers and are thus making money by selling their sexy outlooks.  This would mean that they are not going to be role models through the sexy outlooks, but rather through their devotion to their craft and determination to succeed. The excellent woman, in spite of the degradation of the current clime, has not changed and remains that woman with brains and skills that would be the envy of others. She is the woman who thinks outside of the box in order to grow in her chosen field and command the respect of all including the men, not for her big boobs and firm booty that are the staple of the social media slay queens, but for her capacity and achievements.

The excellent woman thus has to be well-educated, informed and well aware of the world around her.  She understands that there is rarely a better value in the world than a good book and believes in developing her intellect through reading and keeping up with current affairs on a regular basis. She knows that developing herself as an all-round lady is an empowering thing, so she concentrates more on building herself into the woman that people would always respect and admire. The real or excellent woman realises the need  to go the extra mile in order to achieve results.  She knows that success does not come cheap; that it requires making deliberate and conscious efforts, decisions, sacrifices and unrelenting push in order not to give up as one continues to strive for excellence, forming a path toward achieving dreams even where and when everything around us points or says otherwise.  It is more about doggedness, not just the ability to think out visions, but also having the focus to want to bring the vision into fruition; it is about daring and striving to make a difference. She knows that to be respected, she has to dress, behave and carry herself with respectability; being very sure that respectable men love only respectable women and only respectable women are able to attract respectable men. This is the stuff that has produced respected, respectable and excellent women such as Hillary  Clinton, Michelle Obama, our very own Amina Mohammed and Chimamanda Adichie and many such others. We all admire them and celebrate their achievements, but little do girls of this new generation know about their level of determination, focus and hardwork.

It has to be stated nonetheless that their success was not borne out of being flower girls on Facebook and Snapchat, or being slay queens in the neighborhoods, or being illusional celebrities on Instagram. To be sure, we know that they are not respected because of taking selfies in different five star hotels around the world, or popping shisha at different wild parties, or wearing heavy makeups and flamboyant dresses. These are not women who are defined by bum shorts, bustiers, low rise jeans, crop top hanging out, glass heel hooker shoes, tight clothes or pretty much anything and everything seen on BET, Hip TV or MTV music videos. In real terms, the excellent woman seeks out excellence through hard work and does not believe in lowering her dignity in order to get things done or  achieve anything. She sets her eyes on standards and works her way toward achieving them. She uses her time judiciously, focused as it were on goals and their achievements. When she uses the social media, it is in pursuit of her high goals and not to waste time or open herself to inanity and denigration. She does not follow the crowd, but stands out in her determination to forge a pedestal and name for herself.

The standards of the world and their fantasies and trends do not dictate how she feels about or runs her life.  She respects the sanctity and sanity of womanhood and carries herself with dignity every time. She is not likely the most expensively dressed, but she is always decently dressed. She is bold and adventurous, but humble; she is ambitious, but contented and measured in her ways; she is hardworking and does not seek to depend on her sex to get to the top or make pandering to men her ambition in life. Rather, she builds herself up into that excellent woman that men would admire, want and respect for her achievements. Unfortunately, this portrait of the excellent woman is one that this our new generation of girls is not ready to embrace given the obsession with celebrity culture, depreciating values and ethos, and the ascendancy of life on the fast and meaningless lanes.  Yet it must be pointed out that it would be mistaken to believe that anything of value or worthwhile would come from nothing.

Success has to be built on hard work, consistency, determination and focus. It is only through such enterprise that we could achieve respect and be recognized for our true worth. Even then, it has to be recognised that seeking excellence has to be a continuous journey, as it is a process that takes time, patience and resilience.  It is not something that occurs magically and without effort. And it is not as if it would happen at a given point in our lives and is then done and dusted. Rather, those of us of this new generation must come to the realization that there is no short cut to success and excellence and we must be prepared to embrace the right attitude that does not adulate show offs particularly on the social media and mediocrity, but privileges hard work, focus and determination through which we would attain true excellence and be the woman that would fulfill all our good expectations.

• Yakubu is of the Department of Mass Communications, Kogi State University, Anyigba.