Re: Is it normal to live in your parents house after marriage?

Kikelomo, Your husband-to-be is the only son of his parents. You have to take a good decision and your happiness comes first because no marriage can stand the test of time if you as the wife is perpetually unhappy. You can only consider your husband if his parents are in their 80s. Don’t try it if they are both young and are very much in town. Be wise and prayerful, go for counselling and read books, 07010983895.

Kikelomo, You will suffer in this relationship. You must not go with him to his parents’ house. Paul, 08088688002.

Kikelomo, think twice and allow maturity to come to play. A bird in hand is worth two in the bush, you cannot predict what you will experience with another man. Try all within your reach to win your man back. The devil one knows is better than the saint that is unknown, Debra, Ibadan, 08055631749.

Kikelomo, if a lady can change her surname to that of the man, then the man should be ready to leave  his family for his wife’s sake, if not, you can quit the relationship, 08079859148.

Kikelomo, you should listen to your husband-to be. Staying with your in-laws does not cause you any harm as long as you will be given your apartment and this does not mean you will be staying there for life. Good husbands are so scarce this time around, 08033894636.

Kikelomo, your man has taken a stand and aligned with his people. With Ephesians 5:23 biblically, could this sine qua non be a bait-as alienation has set in? What is your family input so far? What if in future, your husband is in dire strait and suggest the present arrangement, would you then follow him to his family house? If yes, why not start with the second best now? Many ladies are looking forward to an opportunity as this and many men cannot point at a structure owned by their father in their family compound. You can never have an ideal situation. Rather, you create an enabling environment with a view to realising your goals in life. Ego, parochial attitude and emancipation should be controlled, but develop your intuitiveness and be shrewdly gifted. There is plan B on either side, Bright O, 08139152222.

Kikelomo, you need to be wise in this matter. To live with your in-laws is not forever. The scripture says the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. Handle this case with wisdom, Reverend AD Ojedayo, Eruwa, Oyo State, 07069350351.

Kikelomo, if the guy is not listening to you, leave him and look for another guy. Your husband’s family should leave you alone, Oyeniyi James, Lagos, 07065947618.

Kikelomo, your insistence on not staying with your husband’s parents is quite in order and biblical. Let the young man realise he is no longer mummy or daddy’s boy. Read Genesis 2: 23 to 25, Oghuan, 08137723785.

Kikelomo, even the Bible says a man shall LEAVE his parents and CLEAVE to his wife’. I will advise you follow your heart. If I were you, I will leave the relationship because he is not mature enough to marry. His parents will still be the ones controlling your home if peradventure you both get married. You may end up marrying a mummy’s boy (my mummy says this, my mummy says that). Follow your heart and pray to God for direction, Kingsley Enaifoghe, kenaifoghe@gmail.com

Kikelomo, you deserve the right to have your own home, your fiancé is not mature, he’s still a mummy’s boy. Being the only son or only child does not warrant his staying with his parents especially now that he’s about to settle down. You are very right that you should get your own apartment, if his parents want to support, they can assist in paying the rent and furnishing. The story would have been different if they were saying they don’t have the money, but they do, so what’s the problem? His not replying your messages is the highest point of disrespect to you. Stand your ground and tell him amicably if he says no, then, you better walk away, it might hurt and be painful, but believe it is either he’s not ready psychologically to be married or he’s just using this excuse not to marry you, Paul Eze, pifeanyieze@gmail.com

Kikelomo, staying with your in-laws is not a problem if you know how to handle every situation that comes your way. Be yourself and be a wife who encourages her husband to be good to his family, Aisha Abba, aishaabbababankogi@gmail.com

Kikelomo, I am born with a silver spoon, but I don’t believe in staying with my parents all through my life, at a point, I should have my opinion on issues. If this man in question refuses to move out of his parents’ abode, you should quit the relationship else you will live to regret your action, Shuaib Sadiq, shuaibsadiq87@gmail.com

Kikelomo, my advice to you is that you should stick to what you have said. Don’t make that mistake of moving in to a family house because you will regret it for life.

You haven’t moved in yet and your fiance’s sister is already having issues with you. By the time you move in with them, you will become a slave to that family. Let your fiance be a man and get an apartment elsewhere for peace to reign. You guys can be visiting them, not living with them. Think with your head and not with your heart. Marriage is a life time affair. It is better to break a relationship than to have a divorce. Be wise, Monica Uzu,  mymonicainomi@yahoo.com

Kikelomo, I will start with you; in your post, you made use of some statements that personally am not comfortable with. Firstly, you said “I have told him a number of times that I am not comfortable with this arrangement” and secondly, you said “I told him about the need that we deserve to have our privacy”; the two statements above sounded more authoritative than a discussion. It should have been discussed, rather it looks like a moment where you just spoke your mind because you already have a conclusion. What you say to a man is as important as how you said it. However, I notice that your man isn’t the kind of man that is ready to stress himself in providing solutions to important issues. All he could say about his sister was that you should face the person you have business with, which is him and not your sister in-law who will eventually become your neighbour and your “landlord’s” daughter. If the lady really doesn’t like you, then there is a possibility that she can influence every single person in that compound against you, including your husband. Neighbours fight, families quarrel, you need a man that can resolve issues and not a man that ask you to ignore them. I wonder how long you can ignore and survive in that family. My sister, read Ephesians  5 : 31 carefully, am not sure a man that is ready to stay under the same roof with his parents is truly ready for this course. His parents will definitely mean well for you, but in one way or the other, they are prepared to influence your marriage. Please, don’t step into a trouble you already perceived. Four years is a long time but it is not worth a lifetime of frustration, sunmonuolumuyiwa@gmail.com, 08163734553.

Kikelomo, I understand the guy family’s reason of wanting their only son to stay with them. They are afraid of the unknown that’s why they want him close to their eyes and if this end up happening, you are bound to lose because the family will still be taking decision for him and whatever they say is the final. In fact, that your guy even considered  their proposal proved that he is not ready to be a husband or a father. It is a very big risk marrying someone like him.Secondly, I will love both of you to understand that staying in the family house is never an option. In fact, leaving there is a commandment from God (Genesis 2:24 – Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh).

Considering the sister-in-law who doesn’t like you, it is an opportunity for her to make life unbearable for you.

If the guy insisted on staying, I guess you should quit. Remember, marriage is not a two-minute instant noodles. It’s a lifetime contract. Quit now, find another guy who is man enough to know what is right or go into it and it quits you later because, I don’t seem to see future in marrying a guy whose family want him to stay with them, David Gambari, davidgambari@gmail.com

Kikelomo, it seems your man is not ready to take charge of his home. How will he accept to stay in the same compound with his parents? This is not normal, in the Bible there are seven action verbs bachelor’s must understand  in order to have a successful family. Love, Leave, Cleave, Nourish, Cherish, Submit and Reverence, it means that he does not want to leave for the love of his life. I don’t mean he should forget his parents, but for him to still stick with them now that he want to have his own family is not a wise choice, I really understand what the lady is really talking about, eventually when she marries him and they are both staying together in the same compound with his parents, she won’t be free and third party will surely be involved in the affairs of the home which can scatter the home, my advice for you is that you should keep talking to him and give him concrete reasons why the idea is not a good one. I believe he will change, if he is not willing to change, forget him and move on. Yusuf Alli,  yusufalli4real@gmail.com

Kikelomo, you are one of the millions of women facing this type of situation. The bitter truth is that you won’t have your privacy with your husband to be if you actually move in with him into the family house. You might even live to regret it in the nearest future. You have to maintain your stand and let him realize it’s either he acquires another apartment outside the reach of his family or he forgets the marriage.

A real man would prefer to acquire his apartment, even if it is a room, than living with his wife and children in the family house, Akinlolu Oluyemi, akinloluoluyemi@gmail.com.

Kikelomo, I feel there are parameters you put in place for your good decisions amongst others is your prayers, patience and perseverance, but it will come after you have satisfied your conscience that you really want to marry this your guy. Deep down you, do you see him worth it beyond the usual physical/financial part of him? Don’t you feel giving it a trial may worth it as the family house may not be a permanent abode? Are you ready to quit your job for marriage knowing you will be a house wife for a while before getting another job in Lagos after marriage or can you operate long distance relationship in the name of work? Marriage is about sacrifice really, but it can be frustrating if family members intrude into your affairs. If you are convinced you can contain all that, go ahead if not, pray and decide quickly and quit, Muhammed, Nurudeen Muhammed, oyabomeh@yahoo.co.uk.

Kikelomo, suspend the wedding plans for now because if at this stage, your opinion does not count and your say in the relationship is not respected then, I’m afraid you will have problem if eventually you move in with this guy. Moving in with him on the same premises with his parents is not good enough, you deserve privacy, dewaleomoba15, dewaleomoba15@gmail.com.

Adekunle Itunuoluwa <ade_itunu@yahoo.com>

To:yemiaofolaju@yahoo.com

Feb 3 at 9:50 AM

Good morning ma, am a young man of 27 years n my sex life is nothing to talk about coz before 2min have already release and that is the end. A lot of lady have leave me because of this. Please what can I do ma to take this shame away.

Thankz

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