Re: Is it normal to live in your parents’ house after marriage?

(Continued from last week)

Kikelomo, you made use of some statements that I am not comfortable with. Firstly, you said “I have told him a number of times that I am not comfortable with this arrangement” and secondly, you said “I told him about the need that we deserve to have our privacy”; the two statements above sounded more authoritative than a discussion. It should have been discussed, rather it looks like a moment where you just spoke your mind because you already have a conclusion. What you say to a man is as important as how you said it. However, I notice that your man isn’t the kind of man that is ready to stress himself in providing solutions to important issues. All he could say about his sister was that you should face the person you have business with, which is him and not your sister in-law who will eventually become your neighbour and your “landlord’s” daughter. If the lady really doesn’t like you, then there is a possibility that she can influence every single person in that compound against you, including your husband. Neighbours fight, families quarrel, you need a man that can resolve issues and not a man that asks you to ignore them. I wonder how long you can ignore and survive in that family. My sister, read Ephesians  5 : 31 carefully. I am not sure a man that is ready to stay under the same roof with his parents is truly ready for this course. Please, don’t step into a trouble you already perceived. Four years is a long time, but it is not worth a lifetime of frustration, sunmonuolumuyiwa@gmail.com, 08163734553.

Kikelomo, I understand the guy’s family’s reason of wanting their only son to stay with them. They are afraid of the unknown that’s why they want him close to their eyes and if this ends up happening, you are bound to lose because the family will still be taking decision for him. In fact, that he even considered their proposal proved that he is not ready to be a husband or a father. It is a very big risk marrying someone like him. Secondly, staying in the family house is never an option. In fact, leaving there is a commandment from God (Genesis 2:24 – Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh). If the guy insisted on staying, I guess you should quit. Remember, marriage is not a two-minute instant noodles. It’s a lifetime contract, David Gambari, davidgambari@gmail.com

Kikelomo, it seems your man is not ready to take charge of his home. How will he accept to stay in the same compound with his parents? In the Bible, there are seven action verbs bachelors must understand in order to have a successful family. Love, Leave, Cleave, Nourish, Cherish, Submit and Reverence, it means that he does not want to leave for the love of his life. I don’t mean he should forget his parents, but for him to still stick with them now that he wants to have his own family is not a wise choice.  You won’t be free and third party will surely be involved in the affairs of your home. My advice for you is that you should keep talking to him and give him concrete reasons why the idea is not a good one. I believe he will change, if he is not willing to change, forget him and move on. Yusuf Alli,  yusufalli4real@gmail.com

Kikelomo, the bitter truth is that you won’t have your privacy with your husband to be if you actually move in into the family house. You might even live to regret it in the nearest future. You have to maintain your stand and let him realize it’s either he acquires another apartment outside the reach of his family or he forgets the marriage. A real man would prefer to have his apartment, even if it is a room, than living with his wife and children in the family house, Akinlolu Oluyemi, akinloluoluyemi@gmail.com.

Kikelomo, I feel there are parameters you put in place for your good decisions. Amongst others is your prayers, patience and perseverance, but it will come after you have satisfied your conscience that you really want to marry this your guy. Deep down you, do you see him worth it beyond the usual physical/financial status of his? Don’t you feel giving it a trial may worth it as the family house may not be a permanent abode? Are you ready to quit your job for marriage knowing you will be a house wife for a while before getting another job in Lagos after marriage or can you operate long distance relationship in the name of work? Marriage is about sacrifice really, but it can be frustrating if family members intrude into your affairs. If you are convinced you can contain all that, go ahead if not, pray and decide quickly and quit, Muhammed, nurudeen muhammed, oyabomeh@yahoo.co.uk.

(Concluded)