PTSD: When the past refuses to stay in the past (I)

SOMETIMES, trauma doesn’t just leave bruises on the body, it leaves bruises on memory, trust, and the ability to feel safe in one’s own skin.

I remember a lady who once confided in me about something that happened in her first year at the university. She had taken a commercial vehicle, and after the other passengers were dropped off, the driver offered to take her to her destination. But instead of going where he promised, he drove to a secluded place and raped her. It was a horrifying experience. To make matters worse, she never reported it—not to the police, not even to her family. Why? In her words, “Who would believe me?

They’ll say I entered the car willingly.”

She carried that wound in silence throughout her university years. For months, she avoided men, taxis, and even conversations about road travel. She became anxious, withdrawn, and began to blame herself.

When her friends noticed something was wrong, their comments didn’t help. They said, “You’ve changed. Are you sure you’re not just being dramatic?” or “You need to snap out of it and move on.”

But how do you move on when your mind is trapped in a moment you didn’t choose?

This is the unseen side of PTSD. It’s not just about the traumatic event, it’s about what happens afterward. The silence. The shame. The internal war between wanting to forget and being unable to.

Let’s be honest, our society doesn’t make it easy to talk about trauma, especially when it involves sex, family, or anything that challenges the illusion of strength. Men who’ve been violated often hide in silence, fearing disbelief or attacks on their masculinity. Women who speak up are asked what they were wearing or if they “provoked” it. Children who show signs of trauma are hushed with warnings not to “disgrace the family.” And so, the pain grows roots.

What many don’t realize is that untreated trauma doesn’t vanish, it transforms. It can become chronic anxiety, depression, trouble concentrating, addiction, insomnia, or even physical symptoms like headaches, body pain, or digestive issues. Some people lose their passion for life. Others lose their ability to trust. And some lose themselves entirely, walking through life like a ghost of who they used to be.

PTSD is what happens when the past refuses to stay in the past. It can show up as flashbacks or nightmares. As a strong urge to avoid reminders, whether places, people, or conversations. It can feel like being constantly on edge, hyper-alert to every sound or movement. Sometimes, it shows up as emotional numbness, as though the heart has gone quiet just to survive.

In Nigeria, many people live with PTSD without ever knowing what to call it. Our culture often says “just pray,” “just move on,” or “time heals,” but true healing doesn’t come without acknowledgment and support. Many girls, for instance, may show clear signs of distress, but the reactions they receive, especially from parents or caregivers can make things worse. When untreated, PTSD doesn’t fade away.

It sinks deeper and grows into chronic emotional and psychological wounds.

So, what really is PTSD? Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a mental health condition that can develop after experiencing or witnessing a deeply distressing event. These events might include physical or sexual assault, domestic violence, road accidents, armed robbery, kidnapping, witnessing death, or growing up in an environment of abuse or neglect. Even prolonged hospitalization or emotional abandonment can leave lasting scars. People who have lived through war or natural disasters are especially at risk.

PTSD doesn’t always arrive immediately after trauma. Sometimes it creeps in months later. You may find someone battling disturbing memories they can’t shake. Avoiding people or places without knowing why. Feeling unsafe in the world. Losing interest in things they once enjoyed. Struggling with sleep.

Getting startled by loud sounds. Feeling angry, disconnected or worse, blaming themselves for what happened.

Experiencing PTSD does not mean someone is weak. It doesn’t mean they’re broken. It simply means their brain trying to protect them has gone into overdrive. Just as physical injuries need care, psychological wounds need attention and healing too.

Let’s pause here. Don’t dismiss PTSD just because it’s labeled a “mental disorder.” The moment people hear the word “mental,” walls go up. Eyes roll. Conversations stop. It’s as if “mental” automatically means “madness.” That stigma is one of the biggest obstacles in mental health advocacy. Instead of compassion, people with PTSD are sometimes dismissed as weak, overreacting, attention-seeking, or even spiritually afflicted. That kind of response drives people deeper into silence.

So, they smile. Show up at work. Go to church. Make small talk. But deep down, they’re fighting a warm their environment refuses to see.

The next time you encounter someone who seems withdrawn, irritable, distant, or unusually sensitive pause before you judge. They may not be “too emotional” or “acting up.” They may simply be surviving.

In the next episode, we’ll go deeper, exploring not just healing and support, but also the science behind PTSD: what happens in the brain when trauma hits, why some people develop PTSD while others don’t, and how recovery is truly possible with the right interventions.

For now, remember, PTSD is real. And behind many composed faces are untold stories of silent battles.

READ ALSO: Symptoms of PTSD – and treatments