Preventing extra marital affairs in your marriage

MANY spouses have ended up as cheats simply because they could not see the danger in their daily routine, drawing them into extra marital affairs. This write- up is to draw our attention to things that we need to run away from, so you will not find yourself neck deep in extra marital affairs. Like someone puts it, ‘’you want the person to get up, turn around, run away (out the front door, not upstairs!!). You want the person to ACT! If only they could see the danger they’re in!’’

A research work has revealed that in, at least, 25 per cent of all marriages, a cheating spouse exists. But many marriages exist in which spouses go through their daily routines, unaware that there’s a danger of cheating lurking around the corner. Rather, so many spouses think “sure, but that won’t happen to me!” But the truth is that every marriage is vulnerable, and “many marriages have the monster of unfaithfulness lurking closer than they think.”

So here are some warning signs to tell you, it’s time to run to avoid being a cheat in your marriage.

Feeling of loneliness

Human beings are made for relationship and that is why we are described as relational beings. When you begin to yearn for intimacy with a person of the opposite sex in your daily routine, it means it’s time to run from that person of your attraction. Run by reconnecting with your spouse, by engaging in making long phone calls, chatting on social media, drinking together alone, or go on a date night or, if possible, a get-away weekend  with your spouse. Your desire for intimacy is right, but it must find expression in the appropriate avenue. In a worst scenario, get involved in meaningful activities with same sex friends, who can provide leverage for the desire for intimacy.

Going through a stressful life

Life is stressful: Work, kids, family, finances are sources of stress you can’t help but go through from time to time. Stress is everywhere. So if you are in a particularly stressful season of life right now, you are vulnerable to cheating in your marriage. Run by taking care of yourself by regulating your eating habits, deliberately take time to rest, exercise your body, create time for activities that are rejuvenating and find safe people to talk to about your stress. Normally, your spouse should be involved, but usually the stress in our life creates pressures in our marriages.Therefore, a wise spiritual mentor or a gifted counselor can provide the succor.

Phonographic addiction

Pornography is fast becoming a real social problem for many couples, all in the search for sexual satisfaction. Recent events show that more and more married couples are regularly consuming pornography and are blind to how dangerous a pornographic addiction is in a marriage. As stated in a write-up “Not only does porn wire us to find sexual satisfaction from someone other than our spouse, it teaches us to numb our loneliness and stress through orgasm. When we climax, our brains are flooded with dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and a number of other chemicals that make us feel relaxed. Anti-depressant drugs like Prozac are designed to produce some of these same chemicals, which means self-pleasuring is in many ways self-medicating.

When we use porn for sexual release, we are wiring our bodies to move from attraction, to arousal, to sexual release … so what will our tendency be when we find ourselves attracted to someone at work, or church, or in the neighborhood? How much easier will it be to have that conversation over text or Facebook chat that you know is toeing the line? If in these interactions, our attraction is screaming out for sexual satisfaction we are already deeply vulnerable.

But know that if you are someone who chronically views pornography, there is hope. “Run, by adding accountability to your life: get an internet filter that sends an email to a safe accountability partner, find a local group (hopefully through a church or an accountability group)  and eventually let your spouse in about your struggles through a good counselor.