Over the bar…

IF you are above 50, then you should be reading this. If you never reach, take a number and stand in line because e go soon reach you. I mean, “Old Age” is coming for you. If you’re above 50, just take style dey prepare yourself to go see your ancestors or your maker. While some people grow older with grace and maintain their boyishness/beauty, others age like a curse has been put upon them. Aging can be cool if you form a habit of helping the process. Some people dey talk sey you cannot cheat Old Age, ( I swear am trying). Some dey talk sey, no matter how young person get cloths reach, e no fit get rags reach Old Man. I agree. However, the undisputed truth is, weytin Old Man see sitting down, even if young man climb tree, him no fit see am. Aging, therefore, comes with its limited advantage. You can only be a youth once. But you can always be young at heart. You can age gracefully, but, you must seriously work on it – if you don’t wanna age looking like your forefathers. If you’re blessed with good genes, like me, half of the job is already done, but you can’t take it for granted. A positive healthy lifestyle can do a lot of Magic if you’re a disciplined fellow, and overly conscious and protective of your health. I know I am, thank God. I don’t mess around with feeding my being the right ingredients that kinda slows down the aging process. I saw my parents age gracefully, my own no go different.  By the way, here are some of the things that work for me, you might want to try it, too.

I surround myself with everything youthful, hence I have more of young associates and friends who ginger me in all directions. I have never drunk alcohol in my life. I watch what goes into my mouth. I sleep up to 12 hours a day, maybe not at a stretch. I am growing into a gym rat, yes because I am vain like that. I am fighting for the six packs I will never get. Meanwhile, I will manage this carton I am carrying. I no longer indulge in nicotine. For further preservation, I DON’T sleep around, I have great respect for my body, I no fit share am like Tomtom. I do yearly checkup so before my engine knock, I go arrest the wahala. I just laugh when some people accuse me of not acting my age(66). Haba! Shey na until I begin waka with stick? Abeg, make una free me from una eternal jealousy.

Forever till I die, I want to hang on to the boy that lives in me. So if you like, call me Agbaya, Charly Man, Old papa youngie, na you Sabi. All I know is that I am continuously working on this tokumbo body. Fighting daily all the red flags, signs and occasional aches that keeps reminding me that I am Over The Bar. I no go gree Old Age mess me up anyhow, so I dey try help myself. There comes a time wey your body no go serve you as before… You’re becoming impotent because your tool don dey get delay, e dey malfunction, your wife of many years don turn your sister. Your body before your very eyes is giving up on you. Kai! Bad market.

Don’t worry about how lonely you will get, or what happens when you die. Stop worrying that you don’t have enough money, money is never enough. Live in the moment responsibly. If you have children, care for them but don’t let them take over your life. It’s not what you give a child that matters, It’s what you teach them. Whatever small money you have, always treat yourself, because you’re dying alone, nobody go join you. Cherish goodness, encourage your good mood and spirit – it will frighten sickness. Biko, find the things that make you happy, forget about the things you can’t change. If you have money, always do regular checkups. If not, live like a priest – don’t overdo yourself. Some people believe you are only as old as you feel while some plan on enjoying their youthfulness for as long as possible. I belong to that youthful-minded club. The secret of staying young is to live honestly, listen to your body, watch what you eat, and exercise regularly. “Old age is a serious disease no doctor can cure” – my father’s famous quote. Before the years take their toll and your energy level begin to wane; before your vision dims and your contemporaries start to drop dead; honor, enjoy and hold on to the boy/girl in you. The best years of my life have been in my 60s. Because now, I don’t give a damn about nothing.

• Oputa lives in Lagos.