Osinachi as metaphor for domestic violence

Osinachi Nwachukwu, a renowned gospel singer and prominent choir member of the Pastor Paul Enenche-led Dunamis International Gospel Centre, Abuja, died recently at an Abuja hospital, aged 42. Though the gospel artiste’s demise was shocking to many Nigerians, some of her distraught family members, friends and close associates claimed not to be really surprised at the development, revealing that she had eventually succumbed and lost her life in an abusive marriage that she did a lot to endure and protect. Since she died, terrible details have emerged which suggested that she was a victim of domestic violence and extreme psychological torture and maltreatment. Key family members, including her mother, have alleged gross abuse at the hands of her husband. The abusive situation was said to have been so critical that each episode—and there were allegedly quite a lot of them—took a toll on her career and health even before she finally succumbed to death. Yet, she stuck to the marriage as if her life depended on it.

This is the piteous situation of many people today: they remain in slavish relationships where some callous and undisciplined spouses batter them to no end each time they squabble. The case at issue is really pathetic: the children of the deceased are traumatised because they were witnesses to the alleged constant battering of their mother and they have said a lot about it after her death. We strongly advise that the children be properly counselled so that they don’t grow up to become damaged adults as a result of the horrible experience. To be sure, the Nigerian society places high premium on cultural and religious values, even if such inclination does not always reflect positively on the conduct of the average individual. Nonetheless, owing significantly to religious and socio-cultural reasons, most spouses appear to be already set in their ways when it comes to enduring and accepting life-threatening hardships in matrimony with equanimity. This is wrong.

There is no culture or religion that justifies abuse in a relationship or supports the idea of a spouse harming or causing the other to lose his/her life. Thus, without prejudging the instant case, it is essential that women speak out when they are being abused. A lot of them have died enduring gross abuse for cultural and religious sentiments, but this is certainly not the best approach. There is nothing wrong with women separating from abusive spouses if they cannot divorce them outright. They should leave in order to live. And rather than giving undue consideration to the temporary setbacks and anguish that separation may bring, they should focus more on what they can achieve if there is life. It is only the living that can hope to do great exploits. With the avoidable death of Osinachi, perhaps some conservative elders in the society who are quick to judge and besmirch people for alleged impatience and intolerance will now realise that it is time they started to have a rethink. It is neither in the interest of the larger society nor that of any individual to insist that (wo)men should stay put in abusive and clearly perilous marriages. Perhaps Osinachi would still have  been alive if she had taken the advice of the few who reportedly counselled her to give her abuser a wide berth, even if temporarily.

The prevalence of domestic violence in the society is quite frightening and something has to be done to rein it in. There is no gainsaying the fact that the decadence in the societal value system has taken a huge toll on the stability of matrimony and the health and general well-being of citizens.  Mutual respect and love between spouses which should be the prime pillar of relationships have been largely eroded partly because of  the distractions thrown up by the rat race for money and the struggle for survival. It is not sheer coincidence that the majority of the spouses that abuse each other are mostly products of broken homes and dysfunctional families. There is no alternative to the reinvention of family values which we have advocated time and again. Value reorientation/moral rearmament must be taken much more seriously if the society is to witness a decline in the spate of domestic violence.

The parlous state of the economy that has made it very hard for many to make ends meet is also a serious issue that must be attended to officially. Many spouses have become quite sensitive, and irritable because of poor family finances. But rather than being on the edge or irascible for reasons of paucity of resources at the home front, spouses actually stand a better chance to cope with economic adversity in an atmosphere of cooperation and love. Besides, when there is inadequate sanction to deter wrongdoing, a sense of impunity tends to blossom. The usual but wrong treatment of domestic abuses that verge on criminality with kid gloves under the guise of ‘family affairs’ is a recipe for more violent actions in homes. Spousal abuses that lead to death or bodily harm, whether grievous or not, should be treated as crimes and punished according to the law without regard to the relationship between the aggressor and the victim.

And in any case, the significance of a relationship between two spouses has already taken flight when one starts to visit terror on the other. The state is, therefore, urged to deliberately punish spousal abuse severely in order to cure the dysfunctionality in the family before it is exported to the society of which it is a microcosm. While  reconciliation such as the one brokered  by Governor Samuel Ortom of Benue State between a medical doctor  and her journalist husband who abused her some time ago is desirable, it is crucial that such reconciliation comes with undertakings. This is to the end that both parties can fully appreciate the import of the reconciliation and the need to set boundaries against a relapse into what birthed the reconciliation in the first place.

Mr. Peter Nwachukwu, the husband of the deceased gospel artiste, has been arrested by the police but, of course, he is presumed innocent until proven guilty. He has even reportedly denied the allegation that he caused his wife’s death. However, it is hoped that the police will launch a thorough inquiry into the disaster, make their findings public and diligently prosecute the accused in a manner that will ensure that he gets maximum punishment if  found guilty. This is of immense significance not just to ensure that the culprit is brought to book, but also to demonstrate to spouses who are currently in abusive relationships that the law can always come to their aid if only they speak out. Domestic abuse, whether it is emotional, mental or, worst still, physical, is abhorrent and reflects negatively on the upbringing of individuals who indulge in it. It is anti-social and uncivilised, and lies clearly outside the precincts of decorum and decency. As such, no rational and self-respecting spouse should engage in it.