“Ola o ya boro boro” and other lessons my father taught me (2)

“Be honest in your dealings. Don’t cheat your way to the top. Don’t envy others who make a fast buck or break the rules. Don’t be in a haste to make money. Delay is not denial.

You can’t do “wire wire” and end up as the richest man in Nigeria. No one ended up on the Forbes list doing “yahoo plus”!

Whenever anyone in my family is going to a new place, my father’s advice is the same. ‘Ranti omo eni ti iwo n se’. (Remember whose son you are). The greatest legacy you can have is a good name. Your father may leave treasures of gold for you but all is vanity without the legacy of a good name.

A good name is more precious than gold and silver. Always fight for your name, never for money. Your name is better than your title. Your title describes what you do but your name represents who you are.

In whatever do, you represent not only yourself but also your family and by extension, your generation.

A good name is about consistency in character (iwa). In the words of a Yoruba poem,

Toju iwa re, ore mi (Take care of your character, my friend)

Ola a maa si lo n’ile eni (Honour can leave a person’s house)

Ewa a si maa si lara eniyan (Beauty can leave one’s body)

Sugbon iwa nii ba ni de saare (However, a person’s character follows him to the grave)

Eefin ni wa, riru nii ru (Character like smoke, eventually rises to the surface)

Eniyan gb’okere ni’yi (Honour is easily bestowed from afar)

Sugbon sun mo ni, la fi n mo se eni (But familiarity makes us know the real person)

Iwa ko ni f’oniwa sile (Character never leaves its owner)

Iwa omo l’on s’omo l’oruko (A child is named by his character)

Omo dara o ku iwa (Beautiful but without character)

Ara dara o ku aso (Fine but naked)

Ese dara o ku bata (Good feet but shoeless)

B’eniyan dara ti ko niwa (If a person is comely but without character)

O p’adanu ohun ribi ribi (He misses something very valuable)

Iwa rere l’eso eniyan (Good character is a man’s adornment)

Suuru baba iwa, iwa baba awure (Patience is the progenitor of character and character is the precursor of blessings)

I had a ‘school mother’ in secondary school who doted a lot on me. During a long vacation, she wrote me a letter and enclosed her picture. Since I used my father’s post office box, he actually opened the letter and read the contents without my knowledge. Later that night, he called me to his room and asked me who the writer was. I told him. Then he allowed me to read the letter but he took it back from me along with the picture. Not believing what I told him, he said, ‘Asegbe kan o si, ase pamo lo wa’. You cannot hide your sins forever.

God has given you a free will. You make choices on a daily basis. Who to marry, what you will eat, where to work, your circle of friends, are all choices we make. We make our choices and our choices turn round to make us.

Your decision to start taking drugs and alcohol may make you seem “hip” but the consequences may be a lifetime of addiction and regret. A few minutes of sex can seem pleasurable for the moment but may result in unwanted pregnancy or even HIV. A casual event that took place in the past can make you a casualty in the future.

A casual fling can fling away your destiny. Make every choice with the future in mind.

My father always wants anyone around him to have a sense of urgency about everything. He would always say, ‘Bi a se n ko ise, la nko iyara’. Develop a sense of urgency about life. No matter how long you live, life is short. You don’t have eternity to achieve your dreams.

Jesus lived for 33 years out of which he spent only three for His ministry activities. His footprints are indelibly imprinted on the sands of time.

Bruce Lee died at 32 but he changed the face of martial arts. Bob Marley died at 36 but Reggae music would never be the same again after him. Martin Luther King Jr. died at 39 but his speech ‘I have a dream’ will be remembered for eternity.  No matter how long we live, life is short. You don’t have forever to live your dreams. Get down to it. Use your time well. Your life should be measured NOT by its duration but by its donation.

On contentment, my father usually said, ‘Iwon eku, ni’won ite e’. It’s the size of the rat that determines the size of its nest.

When I was planning my wedding, I didn’t have a lot of money. I was prepared to just live within my means even when a lot of my friends felt I should hold on till I had enough money. My in-laws gave me a long list of things to bring, many of which I couldn’t afford. I borrowed a leather suitcase from a friend, stuffed it with my wife’s used clothes and put the key safely in my pocket so that no one could inspect the box’s contents. The wedding ceremony is just an event but marriage is for life. Cut your coat according to your cloth. Godliness with contentment is great gain. Don’t allow peer pressure make you do what you ordinarily would not do.

My father seemed to know people everywhere. On my first day in boarding school, he handed me over to a woman who became my Guardian Angel throughout my six years in secondary school. When I was seeking admission to university, he took me to a man who would later give me a note to someone in the university where I graduated. One day, he told me, ‘Ola o ya boro boro, bi a o ba ri eni ba la’. It’s difficult to make progress in life if you have no one to make it with.

Treat everyone that comes your way specially. People may forget what you say but they can never forget how you made them feel. Life is partly what we make it and partly what it is made by the relationships in our lives. So choose your relationships wisely. Your life is a reflection of the books you read and the people you meet. He that walks with the wise shall be wise but a companion of fools shall be destroyed, says the Holy Bible.

God uses relationships to bless and enlarge people. There is a theory that says that everybody on earth is separated by only six other people. That’s how close we are to others.

I have been and continue to be blessed by my father’s wisdom. According to a Yoruba proverb, what an old man sees sitting down, a young man would not see it even if he climbed a tree.”

Remember, the sky is not your limit, God is!