Of women’s contribution to male dominance

THE system of male dominance and the gross gender inequality that exists in the society is that which is impossible to ignore, especially with the replete of stories of sexual misconduct and assault across the globe. In fact, there’s no denying the fact that females have had it so bad and hard, from having to daily deflect and  deal with unwanted male gazes, to being rewarded differently for the exact same accomplishment with their male counterparts; all of which have further reinforced the fact that, however far women have come, we still live in a male- dominated world. The problem, however, is that when engaging the theme of male dominance and glorification, we rarely acknowledge and interrogate the contribution women themselves make in endorsing and perpetuating it. To begin with, it is a known fact that without respect, abuse flourishes. While things may have gotten better for the 21st century women as they are given more opportunities and are being treated more fairly and equally in some aspects, the level of self-respect that many, if not most, women and girls have for themselves, has somewhat significantly decreased over the years. To be sure, there are many women out there today that hold themselves to their own set of good standards, and we salute them for that. Unfortunately, the more of the women that we have encountered especially of the current generation have no iota of respect for themselves. They don’t respect their bodies or their minds yet feel it is possible to demand respect from the society.

Two suspected Boko Haram insurgents arrested in Damaturu

To put it differently, women are in a constant battle to be seen as equals in comparison to their male counterparts, yet, the sexual objectification of women by women themselves or the seeming active acceptance of such sexual objectification by women prevents any real or quantum progress. There are many instances in which we have seen women not only allowing, but looking to be disrespected or violated. This sounds very absurd. But don’t take my word for it.  A short trip to any of the modern day night clubs or a few minutes scroll on your facebook newsfeed and instagram updates would lay it bare. We are bombarded on social media daily with images, posts, updates and uploads that do not only denigrate women but undermines feminine respect and pride.  These posts include barely-clothed photos, suggestive poses, sexual innuendos, and explicit language against women to mention but a few.

Likewise, it would seem as if women are the last creatures on earth to still believe in free lunch, and thus perceiving or seeing or willing to use men as a free meal ticket. Without offering any real value in return, countless times there are so many women who expect the guys to open doors for them, foot all their bills in a relationship, pay their bride price, and who indulge in phrases like, “ladies first” to gain favours from the opposite sex despite their implications on and for equality. Other times, we’ve seen women stand on a highway, waiting for a total stranger in the form of a willing man to give them a free ride to their destinations even when there are vehicles at the parks going to those destinations. Worst still, women and girls have willingly allowed themselves to be used as vixens, scantily dressed in music videos with lyrics that undermine their gender and as a consequence, these behavior and acts continue to feed men’s egos and simply translate in their minds to: “Women are not just weaker than us, they are and remain playthings for us and that is what they want.” These demeaning and denigrating acts by women themselves make men believe they’re somewhat superior to women, and give men the impression that women could be treated anyhow by men.

In spite of admonition to the contrary and teachings of feminism with regard to self respect, there are a lot of women and girls out there who don’t even care or set great store by the dignity of women such that the degrading of women has become the order of the day, almost normalizing sexual objectification of women, and as a result, many women have settled to take objectifying comments to heart for self evaluation. This position is exemplified by a recent research by psychologist, Laura Ramsey and colleagues from Bridgewater State University, which turns up compelling evidence revealing that men engage in objectification more when their partners like being sexualized and when women objectify themselves.

To be sure, this isn’t slut-shaming and neither does this imply that women are responsible for the daily gender based violence that goes on in the society unabated. We necessarily recognize that exploitation cannot be put at the doorstep of the victims as those who exploit bear full responsibility for such. But it does mean that women and girls need to collectively reorient themselves and not make themselves easily amenable to exploitation and denigration through their own self-degrading and self-demeaning acts and conduct, such that they would expect more in terms of equality and fairness from men in their relationship with women and be unapologetic about their beliefs in that regard, even as they fight and strive for basic human decency much as they shouldn’t permit themselves to be treated like objects of male satisfaction, especially when they’re in a position to prevent such. In this case, if women are to do better in the world and fight patriarchy to a wobbling halt, they need to lay down new dignified rules for men, to hold them accountable for their behavior, and to hold themselves accountable for how they allow themselves to be treated going forward.

In the final analysis, women deserve better than what they’ve allowed themselves to receive, both from men and from the society and its dominant culture. Hence, now more than ever, they need to cherish themselves and use their own God-given brain, strength and grace to combat male dominance. Let’s seize the ongoing #MeeToo spirit to point the “I’m offended” culture in a healthier direction, and let’s call out the culture when and where it seeks to make the exploitation of women an acceptable phenomenon. In the end, this means that women have to stop participating in their own oppression by educating and empowering themselves morally and ethically to respect themselves and not engage in demeaning and denigrating acts that would further dispose them to exploitation. Truth is, the society will only fall so far morally with women as women themselves allow. Hence, working to bring more women into the realization that it is actually possible for them to play a role in and contribute to their own oppression in order to galvanize them toward stopping acts with such orientation  is an important way to advance the cultural change we need. It is also true that the best, most enduring change begins within, and as we’re working toward cultural change, we also need to work on changing ourselves— the only element we have complete control over.

• Yakubu is of the Department of Mass Communication, Kogi State University, Anyigba.