Non verbal communication in marriage

One aspect of communication, which I have to mention unfailingly, is non-verbal. This is a form of communication which can be a source of conflict in marriage. When a couple engages in non-verbal communication, it is usually because effective communication has broken down. That is, the couple have issues in communicating with each other, thus they resort to non-verbal in dealing with each other. This is what is called giving each other attitude.

But let me also mention a form of non-verbal communication which can impact positively on the marriage. This has to do with sex: a way of telling each other that sex is desired or one of the couple is in the sex mood. At times, it happens that one of the couple, in most cases, the wife feels ‘honey’ and does not want to verbalise it, so as to preserve her feminine ego. This is usually resorted to by wives in order for their husbands not to term them “loose’’, or wayward. This is an age long tradition of women, though some wives are breaking this tradition, by verbalising their desire for sex, to their husbands. This tactics is targeted at drawing the husband’s attention to the fact that she wants to have sex with him. Some of this non verbal tactics are

• Wearing of short, revealing and skimpy dresses to show off her body to the husband. Or intentionally allowing her wrapper to fall off her body before him, while she is wearing no inners.
• She can lay on the bed without wearing her inners knowing that men are moved by sight
• Put up an unusually disturbing manner towards her husband. i.e, picking a piece of meat from his plate while eating or pulling a part of his body(ear, nose,etc},or sitting on his car key and telling him to come and get it from there.
• Sitting on his lap, or asking him to help scratch her lower back or thigh.

The tactics are endless, and depend on how innovative or creative a wife is. The most important thing is employing something that will work for her with the husband.

• Ten types of husband you must not be

Marriage counsellors encourage such mannerism for a wife who is finding it difficult verbalising her sex desire towards her husband, as a result of the age long practice of a woman not being allowed to ask a man, including her husband, for sex.In those days, a wife could be termed promiscuous or wayward, if she dared ask her husband for sex, and it still plays out on most wives today. Though, this age long practice is fast becoming obsolete as a result of cultural influences of the European or American worlds. The wisdom in the usage of non-verbal communication for sex by a woman is that it makes most husbands feel desired by their wives. This is why marriage counsellors advise that wives should, once in a while,ask their husbands for sex, instead of abandoning “the asking” to the husbands alone.

I believe this attitude is dependent on the fact that men, generally, are moved by what they see. A man will think of sex on a good day, when he sees a woman who is nude or half clad in dressing. That is why the easiest way a tempter can get a man to bed is to assault him with her body; showing sensitive parts which ordinarily should be hidden, to a man. No thanks to the entertaining industry of today. You can get the most outrageous sex provoking mannerism from the showbiz celebrities. On a lighter mood, that was the reason why the biblical Bathsheba had to take her bath at a time king David was idling away on his palace terrain. She knew all it takes for a man to be sexually drawn is a second look at the naked body of a lady, especially a beauty like Bathsheba. So, let our husbands beware, a look is bad enough, and usually unpreventable. But taking a second look at a skimpily dressed lady is quite unhealthy for your marriage. It will take you farther than you may want to go, and give you more than you bargain for. So, caution is the watchword here for our husbands. Stay clear to stay clean, and to stay alive in that marriage or, even in life. The tempters are seeking for your precious lives.  A word is enough for the wise.

On the side of conflict engendered non verbal communication, there are pros and cons of it. But, on a personal note, I believe it is always better to use the verbal approach in resolving marital conflict in order to effectively communicate one’s hurts or displeasure. Otherwise, one may be allowing for the partner’s imagination to run wild, and thus create a gap in communication. The truth of the matter is that the end result of non-verbal communication in this wise, is verbal communication. You will still have to talk to end the non-verbal communication. So, it is better to keep talking. We will examine the conflict side of this non-verbal communication next week for want of space.

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