My Spouse, My Life: Understanding how to make marriage work

SEVERAL books have been written on the issue of marriage, so it is not as if Olaronke Jaiyeola, a journalist and marriage relationship coach/counselor, is delving into a ‘virgin territory’ with her book, My Spouse, My Life: Getting it Right in Marriage.

However, the author’s special focus and recognition for one’s spouse is a unique viewpoint which will definitely breathe ‘life’ into many marriages if her ideas are embraced.

The author likens marriage to a bicycle which has two wheels which are connected to each other by a chain. In her analysis, she explains that without the connection by the chain, the bicycle cannot move.

Another significance of this analysis is that with the two wheels of the bicycle, likened to marriage, though of equal importance, one has to take the lead while the other must always be at the rear.

“Though at the rear, the back wheel recognizes it is equally important to the journey, while the front wheel equally knows that without the rear wheel, it cannot move, let alone get to its destination.”

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This very imperative analysis goes a long way to show how important the two partners are in the marriage institution, and it is when each of the partners recognise the value of the other that things will work smoothly.

Jaiyeola’s book opens with God’s intention for marriage, which she highlights as being for God’s extension of Him on earth, companionship, sexual pleasure and intimacy, as well as for procreation and continuity of the human race.

In the second chapter, the author exhorts both parties in a relationship to live their roles. While the man is the head of the family, the wife should be glad to support and submit to him in building a godly family.

However, in knowing one’s partner’s behaviour, the author focuses on the different types of temperaments in the third chapter. This chapter deals with the strengths and weaknesses of each of the four temperaments everyone belongs to.

Chapter four, Walk, Don’t Fall in Love, explains why it is important to know one’s partner very well before marriage

While there is no marriage that is a bed of roses, the authors, in the final chapter, explains some of the conflict management systems which can be used to halt the collapse of the marital institution. The issue of divorce is also well treated in this chapter, and this portion will definitely be useful people in abusive relationships.

Here, the author explains that while she is not an advocate for divorce, which she describes as a mission of the devil, if one finds herself in such a situation, it is important to find a way out as fast as one can, as one’s life is most important.