Before Mrs Bolaji Isaac dies

MRS  Bolaji Isaac, 85,  is a widow and a despised mother. She is a personification of sorrow and despondency, having been rejected even by those she birthed! Her incredible narrative belies the African tradition and mores which compel children to care for their aged parents.

During her childbearing years, Mrs Isaac reportedly had ten children, but five of them are now late. Sadly, all her surviving children have shown her anything but charity. Even when an apartment was rented for her by a church, a son of hers from Ondo State who had come to live with her in Lagos while experiencing a domestic storm still chased his mother out into the streets!  Indeed, Mrs. Isaac’s narrative compels a revision of the universal African prayer for leaving behind children upon one’s demise. So sad was her ordeal that she recently begged for death. But it will be misleading to think that Mrs. Isaac’s bitter experience is peculiar to her. There are many old people across the country who are going through similar experiences of neglect and cruelty from their children and relatives. Their experiences are certainly enough to make penurious longevity a scary option for anyone. Arguably, things had not always been this warped, sad and bad. During the traditional times, the style of habitation endorsed communal living and therefore good company. Apart from good company, the elders in Africa, from the dawning of time, were adored and respected since they were the symbols of wisdom. They were compulsively venerated. In short, wickedness to elders was a taboo.

But since the individuation of the African essence, such relief has been cast into oblivion. And now, old people have the dilemma of reconciling themselves to a hostile modernity which has come with strange trends and values that encourage their children to reject them and see them as burdens to be avoided, if not totally repudiated. To make matters worse, many countries in Africa have only deplorable schemes for social welfare. It is simply incredible how these former colonies missed out when it came to replicating the social institutions of their former colonial masters. If these countries cannot care for their citizens generally, will it not be futile to expect them to bother with the details of spreading care along demographic lines?

Yet it is a legitimate expectation for the state to make provisions for such succour for its senior citizens, especially now that the family system is exhibiting a continuous failure in this direction. Although the Mrs. Isaac’s case may be an extreme example as the failure of all her children to provide for her needs borders on culpable negligence, we are not sure if they can be legally sanctioned and forced to take her in. But we think the state must see this as an opportunity to assist.

Already labelled as cantankerous and troublesome by her children, it is doubtful that Mrs. Isaac will experience a situation where any of her children can now be compelled to give her a commodious and friendly habitation. Appealing to their compassion may no longer be a wise counsel since the natural bond of affinity that should exist between a mother and her children has been severed. We are appalled by this sad turn of events for the old woman whose children, one of whom is a lawyer, cannot retain enough love for her to spend her twilight years in peace.

We think that it is now imperative for the state to make provisions for the old members of the society under a comprehensive welfare scheme. We also think that the philanthropists in the society should find a worthy cause in Mrs Isaac to offer a lifeline not only to her but for the many lonely, misunderstood and alienated geriatrics in the society.

As for her negligent children, they have just given the people a reason to fault the logic in the African expectation of succour in children in old age. But what goes round also comes round.