‘Many of us have seen our fathers beat our mothers’

THIS write up is borne out of the deep emotional trauma as a result of a physical abuse in a marriage that has been brought to my notice. The husband beats his wife blue black. This is a normal occurrence in this marriage. It is like beatings has become entrenched in the marriage. So, I sighed,” Should physical abuse be a part of marriage?” The answer is definitely no. It should not be. Rather, it is one of the many errors in marriage, that must be corrected, if marriage is to be enjoyed.

Every one of us, married or not, must bear it in mind that physical abuse is an aberration in marriage, and must be resisted by all. We must let it sink deep in our minds that it is absolutely improper, and a sign of mental illness. I am actually working on the impact of mental health on marital harmony. I am fully persuaded that, the many marital errors are due to mental illness of the partners in marriage. Otherwise, those errors would have been so foreign in marriage.

With reference to physical assault in marriage, it will not be an overstatement to conclude that, the reason behind it is a level of mental illness. Or how does one explain how a person will be beating the one he/she claims to be in love with? It is still the same person he/she sleeps sexually, with. It is absurd to the sane mind to conceive such an act of oppression. It is the highest level of inhuman treatments against humans.

In this fresh incident, the husband has been beating the wife consistently, at the slightest provocation, or opportunity. The beating is executed in such a manner that there is no stopping the beating until someone comes around to intervene. If it takes one hour for such intervention to come, the beating continues.

So, I started wondering why this is happening consistently. I also reflected on the many of such incidents that had taken place, which resulted into physical disabilities and deaths. It was at that moment that I concluded that many couples must have it erroneously as a belief that, physical abuse is a necessary part of marriage.

If it is not so, why is it that physical abuse has continued unabated, despite the fact that many societies have legal framework to deal with it? Furthermore, why is it that many of such incidents are never reported as crimes?  Why is it that many of us persuade victims, in most cases, wives, to ensure such inhuman treatment as if it is really a normal act in marriage? Is it that marriage cannot do without it? Or why will ladies go into marriage with men who beat them up during courtship?

I think the truth is that many people are of the opinion that beating one’s partner (mostly the wife) is normal in marriage.

Many of us have seen our fathers beat our mothers; our uncles, cousins, neighbours etc beat their wives. This has psychologically conditioned us to embrace such an error in marriage. Thus, it is not being properly addressed. Couples must no longer allow this error to continue. We must end it now. It is an act of insanity to beat your wife or husband, no matter what. We must guide that fact jealously, and as we do so, our whole being, spirit, soul and body, will be attuned to it.

This error must be corrected, and the time is now. In conclusion, I am also of the opinion that anyone engaging in such a barbaric act must be suffering from a level of mental illness. From the studies on mental health I am engaged in, a lot of human actions are as a result of their mental health status. Thus, there is a need for treatment as a solution to the physical abuse in marriage, for the persons concerned.

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