Lips should be used for talking, not for kissing, during courtship —Gladys Obishili

Gladys Obishili, a graduate of Business Administration from University of Lagos is the Managing Director of Royal Gee Multi dynamics Limited and the president of Gladys Obishili Ministries International (GOMI), a marriage ministry with the vision of restoring marriages. In this interview by TAYO GESINDE, she talks about things couples can do to make their marriages work.

WHAT motivated you to start a marriage ministry?

I will say that it was divine. By that I mean it is a call from God. It is what I was born to do. All I did was to discover it. And I believe that it is still unfolding because prior to this time, I have been successfully running my own company; Royal Gee Multi dynamics Limited as the MD/Visionary. But in the midst of it all, I had several divine encounters pointing me to what I was born to do which is preaching and teaching about marriage. And I feel so fulfilled doing what I do now. The joy of seeing homes mended, singles realigned and many gloriously settled in their own homes, and others blessed with children and helping people to discover their purpose in life, everywhere we are privileged to minister, cannot be bought with money, all to the Glory of God. I didn’t choose to go into ministry, for me it wasn’t an ambition. I am an entrepreneur but ministry found me. And I’m loving it every step of the way. The testimonies of our impact are second to none, and I give God all the Glory.

What were the challenges you faced?

As for me, challenges are part of the deal. What matters the most is the perspective from which we see them and through it all, God has been my fortress, His backing alongside that of my husband, family and friends, strengthened me. Having people who believed in you even more than you believe in yourself is beautiful and motivating.

How have you been combining ministry with the home front?

When it comes to combining home front and career, I will say few things have helped, such as my husband’s unequalled support, my children’s understanding and cooperation,  deliberate planning, acquired knowledge and above all, God’s help. In all we do, we must seek to balance things. So that one part will not suffer for the other.

Why marriage and not another area of ministry?

My focus is on marriage because that is my divine calling and the passion that burns in my heart. I love to see marriages work. Hence all our programmes are channelled towards preparing the singles for a glorious marital life and equipping the married with what it takes to make their marriage what God intends it to be, as it was from the beginning. The aims and objectives of GOMI are to raise singles with purpose, helping them to understand that they can use their single life wisely and invest it purposefully while waiting to get married. We also want to raise couples with a difference. People that are not ashamed to stand out for Jesus as far as their relationship is concerned as well as to see couples live together in harmony, transparency and agape love, while still having air of romance between them. We want to see spouses love each other’s company while exhibiting unfeigned love and to empower them to make their marriage work.

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What do you think is responsible for the increase in divorce cases these days?

Before I talk about the factors responsible for divorce, I will like to say it here that divorce is not God’s best for His beloved children. He doesn’t like what it does to them.

Marriage is God’s beautiful gift and must be treated and valued as such in order to maximise its blessedness. Divorce doesn’t just happen; it is a result of backlog of unresolved issues, many of which were swept under the ‘carpet ‘ which of course will always resurface later.

Therefore below are some of the factors that couples should guard against to avoid divorce: Lack or ineffective communication: This boils down to the days of courtships, where singles who are supposed to use those period to ask all the necessary questions, speak out and also get to know more about their partners will rather spend the period frolicking, playing and even engaging in premarital sex which of course may becloud their sense of reasoning, objectivity and right judgement. Little wonder then that many experience rude shock when what they see after wedding is not what is expected. The lips should be used for talking during courtship and not for kissing. Also, married people are encouraged to communicate; share their feelings and give expression to their thoughts and not expect their spouses to read their minds as men are not made to be mind readers. When couples don’t talk, it may lead to assumption which of course is the ‘mother’ of frustration. And this in turn gives rise to misunderstanding, which if not handled properly may degenerate into something else.

It may amaze one to know that most challenges in homes are due to things that we may consider as trivial, things such as how to press  toothpaste tube, who should hold the T. V remote control, where and how to keep our personal effects etc.

Hence, the importance of effective communication in every marital relationship cannot be over emphasized. And communication is said to be effective when what is communicated is what is received which is evident in the feedback that comes back.

Hardness of heart: A tender heart is a treasure. It allows for easy forgiveness and letting go of offences without reading meaning to any and everything. A tender heart which is the opposite of a hardened heart is one that can be easily entreated. Things will always happen, offences will rear up its ugly ‘head’ but with a tender heart,  we can nip it in the bud before it would degenerate  into something else. At times couples can be so crossed with their spouse, without even remembering what the cause of their grievance was.

Ungodliness: You see, marriage is God’s sole idea and wanting to run it outside His instruction is what leads to all the breakdowns we are witnessing these days. As sure as one cannot maximise a product without using the author’s manual, so can we not enjoy the benefits and beauty of marriage without taking heed to God and His word.

What should a woman who found herself in an abusive marriage do?

Before we talk about what a woman should do when she finds herself in an abusive relationship, I will like to say that abuse doesn’t just happen, the symptoms have always been there before the wedding. Women are richly endowed with what we call the sixth sense; we are sensitive to signs in and around us except when we choose to ignore them.

When you, as a young lady, is being slapped by your fiancé at every slightest provocation or shouted at during courtship and he then comes back with a gift to apologise, it is a sign that if ignored will continue even in marriage. Please, it is wisdom to speak up or you may forever keep silent when you end up marrying him. Study has shown that there are 15 signs that one is in an abusive relationship. This shows that abusive relationship transcends beyond just physical violence. People most times put up a front as if all is well in their relationships, whereas in reality, all is really not well.

By way of balance, some women are also abusing their husbands  Please note that when it comes to marriage, gentleness and humility and all other fruits of the spirit are virtues women need in making their marriage work because even the most quiet man can be provoked to do the unthinkable when ‘pushed to the wall’. So, let’s please avoid anything that will put pressure on our relationship. My advice therefore, is that if a woman finds herself in an abusive relationship, she should speak out, seek help and not die in silence.