Gibbers

Janitor Oshiomhole

I remember how President Muhammadu Buhari’s media minders tried to paint him as the progenitor of a new and different political breath aftermath his election, by sweating to pin the epaulette of the “new sheriff in town” on him. Like water off a blistering rock, the honour didn’t stick, because the hood was oversized for the monk. Monk was grotesque in it and a firdau was quietly organised for the miss-road adventure, after it died an unnatural death. The president’s self-acclaimed attack-dog, Adams Oshiomhole, barking jarringly from every dirty corner, should be one of the new Sheriff’s saintly apostles. But there was no new sheriff, so any self-cannonised apostle, should not be guilty of apostasy.

But it is doubtful if the APC chair is afraid of being an apostate of any kind, with the way he’s desiring Armageddon over National Assembly leadership as if therein lies the rest of the world not with him. He appears bent on proving a point especially after his failed peace mission to Bukola Saraki and Yakubu Dogara. In his megalomaniac quest, federal lawmakers of APC hue, have reportedly become jumping-jumping kindergartens in his hand, tossing them about like what my Ibo friends will call efulefu. The other day at Transcorp hotel in Abuja, he was said to have lined them up, shouting instructions to them on how to rid Saraki off the senate president seat, including senators who were governors when he was on midnight trips to the likes of Tony Anenih, seeking platform for his poorly-concealed guber ambition, while still in comrado khaki.

Right now, he is obviously having a sunny time, simply because the APC federal lawmakers are desirous of easy passage to return-tickets. His predecessor, John Oyegun might have bowed out as a weakling and many might have also heralded his entry as “the strongman needed for strong party institution”, but Adams should know that the spirit of man naturally repels dictatorship. It will take a seeming inconsequential challenge to open a floodgate of insult, followed by a thudding fall. I remember offering same advice to Samson Siasia and Sunday Oliseh. Both ended their more patriotic national assignments in ignominy, for not knowing when to simmer with the paminku paminku dance (outrageous conducts) simply because some AGIP in the Glass House were egging them on. Oshiomhole’s assignment as APC chairman isn’t even of national significance and not of immediate value to the citizenry. I am being prophetic here today; he is eating the “apple” soon and as my people will say it, “alaseju pere ni te.”

Jimoh Moshood’s logik

To be fair to the image-maker of police, Jimoh Moshood, it is going to be a tough call, for the best in the PR community, to sensibly defend the atrocities of the current leadership of the force. Ibrahim Idris appears decided to end badly. It is his choice. Moshood also has a choice to either sink with him or stay out of the pigsty where his boss, has chosen as a permanent habitation, while attempting the much of the clean-up he could muster, with the albatross of having to dine on a table, laid by Idris kind. Image-minding has never been a toast for breakfast. There could be pretty mouthful, handful and brainful situations. It would be for the PR man to negotiate. Without judging Moshood, the general perception is that he has consistently done a bad job in a bad way. The major issue I have noticed with media advisers, particularly those with media background, is the assumption of them not needing advice. Many also lack the courage to disagree with complicating directives from their principals. Some simply lack the sensitivity, sensibility and sense for the job. It is difficult to say what ails Moshood of all PR maladies. But he should be worried about how tomorrow would likely capture today, when the giddy moments are finally over. Can Moshood imagine how reddened the face of an average PRO of DSS would have been last week, if such a fellow had existed with Lawal Daura and had been as reckless as a certain Jimoh Moshood. A stitch…

 

Lai Moh’d and MFM

Some Nigerians are having Uncle Lai Mohammed, Minister of Information (?) and his ways, up to the choking level of their esophagus and geek, they want a relief. They are suggesting deliverance sessions at Mountain of Fire and Miracles Ministries (MFM), led by the fiery prayer-warrior Pastor Daniel Olukoya. Haba! Has Alhaji’s style become so befuddling? I don’t think so. I also disagree with the notion and suggestion of a lying spirit operating anywhere. I guess Uncle is just being good and getting better with what he’s being paid to do, and possibly advance his own politics and relevance. But I also know he’s a very religious person who is pious (no pun intended) in his own way. Unfortunately, Nigerians aren’t seeing Alhaji Lai Mohammed, the pleasant, godly, jolly good fellow. Every day, they see a man who wrestles with honour and truth, while at his job. It breaks heart what his public life is doing to his person. The problem here, however, is not really knowing which of the two contrasting divide of his existence, is cloned. Regardless of whatever is original to him, is it not really about time…?

 

Akpabio: Beyond honour

Godswill Akpabio is a showman. His contention with estranged godson also suggests someone against being eclipsed. A warning alert to Akwa-Ibom APC and Bukola Saraki corner of the Senate; the godfather-wannabe would cause plenty ruckus, with his new status as President Muhammadu Buhari’s latest dearest. The president has shown he isn’t parsimonious with state apparatus with helping his friends fight battles that would eventually benefit the taciturn Nigerian leader. With the undisguised desire of the ruling party to penetrate the heart of Niger-Delta, all could be thrown into turning Obot to uncontainable vote-bagging monster he had always desired to be. The “uncommon” transformer should however gum this to the back of his ear; he isn’t more than a mere instrument to his new friends. He should check past press cuttings to know their exact thoughts of him. Whatever they say he is now, is a pure after-thought. While at his new errand, he would do well, being a sensible errand-man.

Our Reporter

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