It’s okay to be wronged

WHEN I was younger, one of my aunts’ taught me a lesson that has stayed with me. She used to say if someone accidentally stepped on your foot, even if you were not in the wrong, you should apologize for having your feet in their way. After all, it costs you nothing to apologise and really you are not too superior to be okay with being wronged. I had forgotten all about it until a couple of weeks ago.  I was walking on campus and there was this group of girls behind me and they were talking and they were laughing next thing, they hit me. And typical me, for I had taken my aunt’s dear words to heart; I said sorry for being in their way even though I was not actually in their way. My friend that was walking with me was very upset, she could not get past the fact that they were clearly in the wrong and they were not even remorseful. I, on the other hand, laughed it off because it did not seem like such a huge deal.  Which brings me to the fact that a lot of people do not learn this basic lesson of allowing room to being wronged occasionally.

Interestingly, we are in the computer age defined essentially by social media in terms of social interaction. And social media seems to be built around this idea of anger and response. Everyone has an opinion that they want to be heard and they do not seem to care whose ox is gored in the course of being heard but more importantly, no one seems to be okay with just letting things go. We create clap backs and diss -tracks and we all think it is savage when someone responds in kind. No one seems to be teaching anyone that sometimes life requires letting go and letting things slide for peace to reign. There is no reason why you have to respond to every single insulting word or action. In fact, growing up, we all knew it took a bigger person to forgive but it seems everyone has forgotten about that and we are only interested in revenge now. You wake up, check your Twitter and find out that two celebrities are having a go at it and that is what is trending. No one seems to care about the message that sends to the little ones who just got on social media. We are becoming a generation that fuels violence. And don’t even get me started on the world of make believe. Movies seem to all be about getting that revenge. There are whole series dedicated to massive revenge plans, high school movies where the kid decides to beat up another kid because he/she laughed at him/her. Of course, I am not saying condone the behavior, I am saying that sometimes being peaceable means being willing to overlook the imperfections of others.

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Violence never solves anything, it only fuels the fire. An eye for an eye will make everyone blind. When we condone violence even in little degrees, we silently condone the bigger acts of violence.  For example, I have never understood why people feel it is fine to hit someone just because they provoked you, actually whether they are male or female it should not matter, the main issue should be keeping calm and finding another alternative to resolving issues. And no, violence is not funny, it is hurtful and it only leads to more violence. Keeping your temper in check, speaking calmly and mildly and generally being nice is not a sign of weakness. It’s easy to treat people well when they treat you well. The real test is when they treat you badly. It takes strength to walk away from a stressful situation, it takes strength to be okay with not having the last word. It might not give the most satisfaction but it is fulfilling and gives peace of mind and who would not want that?

Personally, I think the world is filled with enough negativity as it is. Some peace would be nice. There are actual wars going on, there is hunger, there is pain, suffering, oppression, death, social media wars, you name it. It feels like there is always another reason to be angry. And when people are angry, they will react negatively to even very little situations but imagine how nice it will be to be just let it go. It reminds me of what I once read somewhere where a writer described how relieved a waiter felt because he did not scream at him even though the waiter messed up his order. The waiter was definitely expecting an outburst but to get smiles was definitely refreshing. Being refreshing can make someone else smile, it can brighten their day. It can make a difference. In a world that is constantly bringing us down, a refreshing word goes a long way even when you think it is not noticed. For even the Bible says, ‘a mild word turns away rage’.

My friend did not seem to get this. She could not believe I was laughing. She could not see what I clearly saw, a chance for peace. Here she was huffing and puffing and the people she was mad at were probably already at their destination, completely oblivious to her righteous anger. It would not kill my friend to forget about it, it would probably save her the unnecessary stress of complaining and leave her happy and at peace if she had just listened and learned the vital lesson that my aunt taught me long ago. It is one that I think we all should inculcate in our own daily lives. So before you send that angry text, before you raise your voice at the waiter, before you clap back at that tweet, remember, ‘it is okay to be wronged’.

• Wale-Olaitan is of the Faculty of Education, Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife, Nigeria.