Is Akpabio now among the saints?

HIS triumphant Zanga dance step to MC Galaxy’s Sekem says it all; the poetry of his victory. Like the street-reborn rapper; Olamide, Akwa-Ibom galala-man, Godswill (what a name) Akpabio can now say he has triumphed over wizards and enemies. Today, as the substantive Minister of the Niger Delta ministry, he’s the region’s de facto número uno, because money speaks all the existing and defunct languages around here and with a jumbo-size budget for the next four years (God willing), the power-man now has the wherewithal to consolidate in bliss. The only banana peel around for now is Festus Keyamo, the junior minister, whose real loyalty is first to Akpabio’s main competition for the title of Egbesu 1 of Niger Delta, Rotimi Amaechi. I know a bit of both Akpabio and Keyamo. As long as nobody is trying to play smart, nobody may get wonjured (bloodied). The conjecturers may take it from there.

Though there are no known ex-convicts among the current men and women of the president, even conditioned Buharists like Professor Itse Sagay could barely live with the choice of Akpabio as minister. He was compelled to mix his stewardship as governor and senator with phlegm. Only God knows the number of tummy-wrenching sessions his kind have had to endure not to be dubbed disloyal, despite the bullish idiosyncrasy built over the years. At least, Prof. was better in this matter, than others, who with pinned eyes always cheer widely even when the president is overtly mourning some of his actions.

Well, from the PDP he had decorated with sewer seep, came a Godswill, embraced by his boss, celebrated by his political party-by-association and the one he thought should be among the low-hanging fruits to be herded first into prison, is now rocking knees together in billowing wrapper, celebrating an Uncommon Transformation. Can victory be sweeter?

I should know enough not to rub-and-dub or rope-a-dope anyone on corruption matters, without judicial conviction. The snag is that same judiciary is the devil in the detail! Beyond the tortoise-pace and tortuous space, the justice delivery system, fashioned for the rich and famous like Akpabio, especially when granted an annex in Villa (or more like amnesty by Villa), is the kind of migraine that would require the decapitation of the head, as an effective antidote. No, I do not mean sacking the CJN, Court of Appeal President, Chief Judges, et al. The disgraceful exit of the kind of Justice Egbo Egbo who granted Chris Uba an interlocutory injunction to remove Chris Ngige as Anambra governor, did nothing to stem the chilling judicial corruption tide. Yes, everything seems to have gone into an eerie mode following the condescending removal of CJN Walter Onnoghen, but nothing has changed and it is just fortuitous that the incumbent, Tanko, isn’t pretending to be some kind of silly-joke reformer. He goes about in his lab coat suit, like a man leading a pyre. Yes, judiciary is mourning and his wiggest wig should be mournful. With the corruption epidemic now at epic proportion, deep systemic change is more desirable than any scape-goating adventure. Will those desirable of genuine change in the system, take a second look at the proposal by Ladi Williams, SAN, for a return to the Jury system? While it won’t be a fool-proof revolution, at least, justice forecasters and buyers would need more permutations and dollars to buy off the shelf, all souls on an average Jury, especially in election matters.

Because the president has been talking about a 10-year economic Master plan to lift 10 million Nigerian households out of poverty, anti-zoning elements have become emboldened, pushing arguments on why North, (minus central) should take it from Buhari, till at least, 2027. It is within their right and nobody should be surprised if the Akpabios in Buhari’s corner jump to the forefront of the tinkering to deny the South a shot in 2023, as long it would sustain their merry, like Amaechi’s high-yielding gamble of 2015.

Basically, I don’t care a hoot about next election or the outcome of the contestation over 2019’s. In elections, the political class has found a super sedative to drive the citizenry into a reverie, on the future of the nation. Everybody is worked up during an election circle and nothing gets worked or works after the poll. Before questions could be asked over their sloppy, shady and shambolic ways, kites are out again over who should get what in another four years, that their wickedness could enrage God to make a pipe dream.

Like the marital institution where you get to celebrate ahead of the task, nearly all the new ministers painted Abuja red on Wednesday with their associates, when a single landmark action was yet to be taken. Well, a sure-footed can celebrate deliverables ahead, if not, any galala dance is a waste of waist. Maybe, if the proxy-boss had presented a Brexit kind of national emergency before them and demanded a 72-hour deadline for submission of workable ideas, since none of them, was imported, the local-breed would possibly not spend quality time splurging and hedonising.

For the sake of the nation and unborn generations, one would want to be eternally optimistic and pray consistently for the president’s Dream Team to deliver. While that mountain-moving faith will not be allowed to flounder even in the face of abject incompetence already on ground, is it possible for the president to swallow pride for once and consider reposting those who have confessed cluelessness regarding their portfolios? Even the president agreed this isn’t time for a refresher course in Ministering 101. The people need results, like yesterday. But didn’t the president just gleefully toast to giving vote patronage priority over competence in portfolio allocation? Some nation!