Why I divorced my British wife —Yomi Fabiyi

Yomi Fabiyi is a versatile and award-winning act in the Nollywood. In this online interview by NEWTON-RAY UKWUOMA, he speaks about his enstranged relationship with his British-born wife, Fran and declares that the Nigerian movie industry is in coma.

You recently walked out of your 4-year marriage to a white lady. Why did you take the decision?

In all honesty, the marriage had faced some ups and downs for a while now. There were times Fran (the ex-wife) thought the media was affecting my decision to relocate to London. But truly, when I take a decision, I typically care less about those who feel angered by it, as long as it is not illegal, immoral or anti-social. I decided to call it quit when I couldn’t bear the stress from the media. An upcoming actress who recently relocated to the UK began to tell some people in the media some of the things we didn’t want people to know. She snitched on me and that put my marriage at a great risk. I thought I could fight it, but at the long run, I found out there was no point trying to see if it will work. For years, I fought and, for years, it came back. It was just too much for me. I had to travel to London, last November, to make the announcement before people could misinform her.

When did you notice the marriage could not work?

No one wishes for their marriage to fail. Marriage is different from dating. I just felt I should take the bull by the horn and walk out.

Aside her refusal to join you in Nigeria, as she earlier promised, what other reasons would you say was responsible for your decision?

No other reason that I know of. Long distance gives room for infidelity and other negatives. It is best to avoid that. The most obvious and tenable reason is what I highlighted. It is so sad because she is such a wonderful woman.

A lot of people may not reason with you on your excuse to stay back in Nigeria because of your career so far there are lots of your colleagues in the UK that are doing well in their career. What’s your reaction to this?

I hate to repeat this, but I will. I began travelling to the UK as an artiste since 2005 when I had little or no relevance or recognition. If I can weather that storm and return after three weeks holiday then, I believe I will make it here in Nigeria. Everybody needs a belief system and mine works well. I don’t think I should abandon it now. To be honest with you, I was deceiving myself when I thought the only negative thing marrying Fran will bring then is that some people will say, why a white woman?’ I thought everybody knew I have been travelling to the UK and, as an artist who owe some moral responsibility, I would not have married someone out of greed and make it open. Who does that? But as the case may be, the outlook of my choice looks like those known arranged type and I almost regret coming honest and public with my marriage plans.

Some are even saying you dumped her after using her to perfect all the documents for your British citizenship. Could this be true?

Majority of people that commented even lack the understanding of how these things work. You now see why most comments don’t get to me. You must be articulate and concise to have your comment hit me. If I had pursued the British citizenship, I will first be issued a 5-year temporary spouse visa. At the expiration of that, if and when I comply with set down immigration rules, then I get that renewed to ‘Indefinite Leave To Remain’. Perhaps, after six months, I will denounce my Nigerian citizenship and do citizen’s test. It is after the success of this that I can become a British citizen. If we are not together after the first five years and get her to support my application for an application for an Indefinite Leave To Remain, I become an illegal immigrant. Now ask yourself: ‘Is the marriage up to five years?’ ‘If I have the papers, will I ask for divorce?’

I do hope you understand this process which I have taken the pain to explain? I appreciate the fact she want me to be a citizen, but I am not ready for such now. I don’t even see myself living in the UK soon. My career is just gathering shape. She promised me we are living in Nigeria and she will easily get employed, hence we went further with the wedding plans before she changed that I should be the one to process and come. I said no because I am not ready for that now. That was the beginning of our marital storm. I must add this because she gets to read these things, I did not receive a Kobo in transfer from her or through anyone throughout the marriage. She spends directly whenever we are on holiday or when she is to buy anything for us or for me. No matter the situation, some people will still have some dignity left in them. It is my life and my marriage. I went this route without remorse because I choose to lead the campaign for a free Nigeria. People should be free to make a choice and if it is nothing criminal, immoral, anti-social or illegal, we must respect it. I just want to also make a point.

How would describe the four-year journey with Fran? 

It is an experience. I love the fact that, at that stage of my emotional life, I was bruising from a past failed relationship and she came on the scene to stabilise me. I needed emotional stability and I won’t say I made the decision when I was weak. I just want to be loved and trust that the woman mean it and is saying the truth. I ended up believing her when she said I tick all her boxes. I believed because I am of the opinion she won’t be lying about what she feels. She didn’t give me any reason to think there was another man, compared to some I was encountering during that time.

Did you regret her not having a child for you?

I don’t enjoy regrets. I only learn from my mistakes because I am human. I am even too real to think of regrets. It is just sad that and I am indeed very sorry where my nature conflicts with some filming personality some people wish to see. I am very young and time heals a lot of things. We shall see.

Would you say living apart was largely responsible for not having, at least, a child throughout the period?

Anything could have happened but I really want a home. I want a situation where I will live under the same roof with my wife and kid or kids. That is one experience I wish to have with someone I love. I don’t want to be having children in different countries when am not foreign office with embassies.

You have filed for divorce, how is your wife taking it?

I am yet to file. I discussed with her extensively. I am in UK at the moment, though returning shortly to Nigeria. I told her I want to move on and I told her how much I appreciate her and everything she did during the four-year period. Hopefully, she signs when the papers get to her. Fran is such a pleasant and kind-hearted woman. She is mature and she has absorbed my intention with dignity.

What lesson did you learn from the failed relationship?

I don’t look back too much. If there is any mistake, I will x-ray properly before starting a new love relationship with anybody.

How long will it take to perfect the divorce?

Where there is no issue (children) in case of their custody and there is mutual consent where both signs without need for argument, it could come faster than expected. It is now at the judge’s discretion. He or she must review the grounds for dissolution carefully and ensure that they are substantive. My lawyer will speak more on that afterwards.

 But the tale is that you took the decision to call it quits with the relationship after having found a young Nigerian lover who you have been dating secretly and planning to wed soon. How true is this and who is the Nigerian lover?

That is a figment of someone’s imagination; it is all lies. I will rather sort this one and see it to a logical conclusion before setting up another relationship. If that is the case, trust me, I will say it if I feel comfortable to share. I keep a whole lot of secrets and can be blunt a times. I discuss myself; I don’t have time discussing any of my colleagues or others, except it is connected to me.

Do you have an alternative plan?

I am not clear with what you mean by another plan. The only plan I have now is that I want to be happy. There is no sense sticking around in a marriage that is clearly not working again when you have exhausted all civil means to see if it can work. People will always talk so why bother about them? I tried to cover it up, but trust me, I have a weak heart. I won’t allow a marital secret to drag me into depression, suicide, excessive thinking or drug and alcohol intake. I still have a long way to go in this job.

Tell us a little about what›s happening to your career at the moment

So far my career is gathering the desired shape. In this 2016 I have had the following honours and awards: Best Yoruba Film, YOMAFA 2016; Best Actor, Nominee ACIA (USA) 2016; Best Producer, City People Awards 2016; Best Producer (Yoruba Language) AFRICAN FILMS AWARD (LONDON) 2016. These are made possible because of my fans. I know they love me, but I love them more. My respect and gratitude to all my casts and crew too. And in three weeks’ time, I am starting the production of another movie, ‘Cross Road’ (‘Agbede Meji’); an old school movie with deep and well plotted story line.

How would you access the movie industry now?

The movie industry is receiving little or no political will. Those that showed interest are for political gains. Corporate organisations are not too motivated. The movie industry is on intensive care unit. However, I know that, very soon, we will have a government or a set of politicians that will declare a state of emergency on the industry. What you see is not the real state of things. Most are fake, while only a privilege few enjoy the proceeds, at least better than some others. It is not that those at the other end don’t spend frugally and they can’t really survive without some extra stretch, but their earnings are still not commensurate to their status.

Would you also agree that the ongoing recession has really affected the industry?

The industry had been on economic ICU before the recession. We need help to get it off the life support machine it is presently. The industry needs new ideas and innovations. I have travelled around few campuses lately to deliver lectures, keynote addresses and engaged some science students to consider innovative home-grown ideas. We will keep doing our beat.

What is the latest concerning your association, Save Nigeria Movie Industry?

We are trying to secure a permanent office and re-introduce our blueprint. I reckon if people have soft copies of our clear cut ideas, they will see beyond the attention-seeking tag branded us, some of which are coming from empty silence. We will make positive noise and we won’t stop.