Greeting your spouse with murmurs

In marriage, we have established the fact that non-verbal communication exists where communication is ineffective. So, in such situations, couples result to non-verbal communication. This is also called giving each other attitude. This is not the best way for couples to deal with one another, as a matter of fact, when this non- verbal communication takes place, it is usually due to conflict situations. When a partner is offended, instead of telling the other partner, she/he results to using non- behavioural verbal communication in expressing herself/himself, with reference to the displeasure.

In this type of communication, the behavioral attitude includes the following:

• Murmuring in greetings. This is a situation where the voice is inaudible in greeting one’s partner.
• Becoming moody in relating with the partner.
• Answering the partner sharply.
• Becoming touchy with the partner

With this approach, the only thing that is achievable is making the other partner know that something is wrong. But, what is wrong is still shrouded in secrecy. Thus, it remains a riddle that has to be resolved by the couple. How? Eventually by sitting down to jaw jaw and saw saw. This means going back to verbal communication.

However, there are few issues of concern with this non-verbal approach in conflict situation in the marriage setting. These concerns are as follows:

• The other partner may misunderstand the point of the action, since what is wrong is still concealed.
• It may lead to keeping of malice by the couple
• If it becomes an issue of keeping malice, the conflict can snowball into a more deepening conflict.
• In a worse scenario, it may lead to separation and divorce, if not properly managed.

It is my candid opinion that couples should be open in their communication and shun non-verbal communication in resolving conflicts. This is due to the endangering issues highlighted above. The high point of this line of thought is that non verbal communication does not resolve conflicts on its own. It still has to get down to verbal communication, if conflicts will be resolved at the end of the day.  Maybe this is why, in my part of the nation, it is often said that the high point of friendship is to call your friend and tell him/her when there is an offence.

Marriage ideally makes partners to be best of friends. So, there is no need giving each other attitudes in order to make a point. Rather, couples should speak out when a partner feels offended. I believe this makes for better and effective communication in the marriage. So, let’s keep talking so that we can enjoy our marital relationship.

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