Exploitation, abuse of widows still on the rise — Nwakwesi

What informed your choice of career?

First, my cultural upbringing. Having come from a humble background and having a pass in the English language in 1983, my dream of studying Law crashed. With many suitors I made up my mind to get married, with the arrival of my first baby the next year, I went back to school to do my National Certificate of Education (NCE). On graduation, I went into teaching and stayed after my husband’s death so I can have time for my kids.

Over an hour S£x video tape played in Lagos court

What motivated you to start a foundation for widows?

The death of my husband and the treacherous journey I embarked upon made me decide to start a foundation to help other widows. Widowhood was a fire that refined me but instead of being just gold, it made me a goldsmith. The loss of a husband was not just about his death, it was about losing everything. From family down to the state and in the process of recovery, most widows lose themselves. The cultural practices and rites, the expectations and assumptions have all muddled together to form a mental culture that is destroying widows as they exist instead of live. The mental culture has mystified widowhood making not just for the society a perception of fear and shame, but more of all the widows. The exploitation and abuse of widow is still at a very high rate that you wonder the impact of the various changes of the rites and practices thus far. Like I always say, loneliness is the absolute poverty in widowhood. And I do not mean the sexual, yes it’s there but the most destructive is the social exclusion.

 

From your experience working with widows, what are the major challenges widows face in Nigeria?

The biggest challenge is her society’s attitude and perception. The untold exclusion that endangers her personality.

 

What can the government and the society do to ease the pains of windows in Nigeria?

We must first recognise that the two sure components of life are birth and death. So, the death of a husband is not by choice or a curse. Be nice, respectful and compassionate not sympathetic towards them. The church must hold conferences and programmes for widows that will help build their dignities using the same approach used for other programmes. Too many young widows are trapped as the slogan “Jesus their husband or Jesus wives” are taken out of context making them not fit to remarry. Government’s inability to empower widows with policies, programmes and practices that protect and build their self-esteem has exposed widows to exploitations and abuses even in their empowerment. School’s curriculum was not designed to build a change in our youths, these attitudes and practices are transmitted downward to generations.

 

You had a widow ‘s summit recently.  What was it about?

Its aim was to inculcate the widows’ agenda in national planning, synergise NGOs, churches and so on. It was also to create an empowerment of inclusion and bridge the gap that remains the number one; abuse. We had in attendance forty -seven guests. We had representatives from Lagos governor’s wife, Lagos and Delta State commissioner for women affairs and ACPN presidential candidate. We had two clergymen and we discussed topics such as; Widows and Culture; Widows and Government; Widows and Economy, Widows Offspring’s and social issues, Widowhood its Effect to Other Gender and Social Issues. The Widow’s Summit agreed that there’s the need for traditional rulers and community to start addressing these practices themselves in their communities. The provision of educational loans, grants, aids, widow’s cooperative and endowment by government, organisations, churches and financial institutions. The government should enact uniformed policies and pass it down using women affairs department, local government headquarters, traditional rulers and community to execute it and so on. There’s something the culture can do. There’s something the church can do, there’s something the government can do,

There’s something the widow can do. We will continue the discussion in 2019 by addressing the cultural practices and rites and ethics.

 

Do you think it is wise for widows who have three or more children to remarry?

It is very wise. And that’s what I’m appealing to the church to start preaching fully about and not the usual flip over talk they give to it. Women, stop listening to the advice to stay single for your children; your son is your husband and Jesus wife. Widowhood is not an engagement from God, see Roman 7:3, Roman 7:2,  1 Corinthians 7:39 and 1 Timothy 5:11. Widows, stop the fear of the worst that is trapping you, he can love more, he can be a great father to the kids, he can, he can and he will just be positive. Why didn’t I? Because I was raised with this mental culture that I’m saying it is a human right abuse. I have metamorphosed. The widowers move on, not because she is the best but because they believe she can be the best. The power of the mind works the rest.

 

What are the things widows should consider before remarrying?

Be sure you can take care of your kids both the one you have and the one you will have. Meaning, go into it with happiness as the objective and be prepared to make it work, in work and prayers. Never go with a financial gain but be sure to have your brain in the journey. Love without money no dey last well. It is a great injustice to your late husband and kids to waste what he has left for you on another.

 

What advice do you have for widows, especially young widows?

Come to terms with the fact that he is dead. It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have changed it. No matter all the “ifs.” It is an end with a beginning. Begin again. Walk and work towards happiness by finding yourself again. Grief but get up, get out and get going. Don’t develop an entitlement mentality. If they understand fine, if not understand them. Live your life, if friends and families leave, let them be. Forge ahead but don’t be bitter or angry. Forgive them all, not for them but for you. You do not need the load. Be prudent with all he left, if not be positive you will pull through. Expand your source of income. If you’re working, add trading, especially consumables for daily income. No matter how small, it’s a great way of meeting needs. Cut your social life, they can be a burden to meet but don’t go into isolation. Make your motherhood your priority, in time they’ll grow out and you will be able to smile. God is faithful and will see you through, just believe.