Et tu Oyetola?

Edo State is crisis-ridden today, because two hitherto heartthrobs are seeking a bloody divorce. The bed that used to provide bliss for Adams Oshiomhole and Godwin Obaseki’s bromance, is giving way on all fours and whoever tops the other on the floor when the rough wrestling is over, would not be unscathed himself. That is the danger in love affair which isn’t godly (agape), it leaves all bloodied, bruised, hurt, hunted and intermittently, seeking revenge. God says He is Love. Whatever alliance that isn’t of Him, won’t qualify for love tag. Especially in politics, when you see two guys doing yummy yummy, it is because booty-sharing hasn’t become problematic. I confirmed recently that the Oshiomhole/Obaseki alliance from Day One, was built on quicksand of promissory notes, IOU et al and if Obaseki should secure a second term, under whatever atmosphere, Oshiomhole is forever a damaged political brand. Okay, not that he is that well-regarded, unlike his khaki days in labour unionism, but the twin-evil of aggrandizing politics and selfie-governance, has turned him over and again, that not only is his underbelly exposed, his belle sef, dey show. Once, he is thoroughly flogged at home, slapping him in Abuja and elsewhere, becomes easier, even if allowed to complete his term. Many a Nigerian, especially outside Edo, is wishing fervently that Adams, like his humanity-progenitor namesake, would fall. His hypocrisy of rising on anti-godfatherism sentiment and rhetoric, only to try becoming a modern-day Christopher Colombus, rankles to the stratosphere.

Funny enough, this same fellow gasping for breath in his backyard, is the saviour being worked into Osun political calculus where the silent but raging battle between Gboyega Oyetola, the governor and Rauf Aregbesola, the minister and immediate governor, has, though unevenly, split the party and governance, in semi-median. The war being fought on many fronts, is resonating in the House of Assembly, where they now have Oranmiyan (for Aregbesola) and Ileri (for Oyetola), lawmakers, sounding paminku paminku at ALGON level, where they now have Tobalase (the emperor must be obeyed) (for governor) and Oranmiyan (for minister) council chairmen, and thumping at the heart of the party, with the fate of the APC state chairman, Gboyega Famodun, now tied to the arsenal of the two gladiators. You say what!

From independent observers, privy to the ominous silent night, it has been one-one goalless draw. Aregbe is more grounded in assembly with Speaker Timothy Owoeye (remember him?), leading the charge, though he has a staunch Oyetola kinsman as deputy. A bigger fraction of LG chairmen is pouring libation at the feet of the Iku Baba Yeye in Osogbo, while the major loss for Team Aregbe, is the porting of Famodun to Ileri’s network. Famodun’s faith in the Lagos lion, rearing all the cubs in Abeere grotto, is the most-reassuring Pass, he won’t lose his seat and relevance to a Wolewole Ijesa man soon.

The real reasons for the katakata, reportedly ranged from genuine legacy worries to unmitigated avarice in spoil sharing and honouring political contracts hurriedly signed in the face of impending doom of defeat, to trying forcing a full grown man to act like what Yoruba will call odensin (doddering idiot). Surely, the Edo seed, is planted in Osun, only that it may not germinate further, before the vine dresser in Lagos, would come into it, and weed as whim directs.

Many have wondered why the two, should even be allowed to try wearing same legs of trousers at the same time, when they could both pass for the head boy and deputy head boy of Bourdillionism, the political ideology, currently afflicting the Yoruba race. Once men, you want to credit with imagination sign up for its Politics 101, they become a pseudo, mumbling from a disabled mind. I see the way Atona Oodua, Bode George, agonize endlessly in an interview over his erstwhile ally and promising statesman, Adeseye Ogunlewe, who recently signed up for the course and immediately manifested its curse.

Because Nigerian politics is a cult, particularly its so-called progressive corner, except in crisis situations, you don’t get to hear even their munching, but at least, crises still force them, to speak mosquitoes and Ajele parables, though they won’t touch delicate issues like an ex-this, just one fellow, seeking to have six commissionership slots, complete with dictated portfolios!

As much as it would be desirable having the secrets of these ones in the open at least once-in-a-while, their crises actually serve no pro-masses purposes per se. Since the political class traded shame and honour for office lucre and election loot, opprobrium that should serve as a leverage on them when secrets fly out during crises, is now, to them, part of relevance, as long as they have their own people out there, hailing their own salvo and defending the indefensible, with the right pay. The politician is happy, the influencer is happy, the public remains despondent.

In crisis situations, one would want to cry blue murder for governance, but is there even a semblance of governance in peace time? Edo and Osun have the same lethargic leadership, though Obaseki is now louder on mosquito parable than he had ever been on projects. For Oyetola, mum is it, for now.

I personally hold that democracy isn’t working for us, though we like to be pretentious about it, in order not to set the jackboot loose again on our own Oval (Oza) Room. But it doesn’t have to always be either white or black. There must be something in-between, a shade of this, a shade of that, that should work for us. Whatever it is, must cut off the wheeler-dealers in the middle of governance, always seeking rent and waiving Irrevocable Payment Order (IPO) in our faces every time. What about making the local government colourful and attractive again; a name-change, like the Mayoral arrangement, backed with a Parliament-kind of community elders, elected on zero-party basis, from their knitted neighbourhood, without the state capital dictating their affairs.

You ask, which model? No name, just any constitutional arrangement that would park the feuding fawners in Abuja, Osogbo, Benin and elsewhere off the radar, for governance to take place where the people are; the grassroots.