Errors in marriage (3)

O NE other error in marriage is using sex as a weapon. Quite honestly, I find it rather absurd that married couples will allow something that should be engaged to now become a negotiator in the relationship. As a result of it, the marriage institution has been suffering a lot of disintegration. It is therefore high time this error was corrected.

Sex is one of the major purposes of marriage. People get married to enjoy sex in a secured environment. That is, in an atmosphere void of all risks associated with sex outside marriage. Such risks include fighting with other rivals, sexually transmitted diseases, charges of abduction and obtaining sex by fraud. Marriage allows two persons of the opposite sex, to legally cohabit, and assert authority of inalienable right of ownership over each other, and whatever they do together. It is therefore expected that married couples will give themselves unrestrained access to their bodies for sexual pleasure. This is jealously guided by couples, making them to stop at nothing to ward off, intruders into that field of the marriage.

Over the years, however, it is a reality that married couples have turned this pleasurable act to a weapon of negotiation, either directly or discreetly. In fact, in some cases, it is done with impunity and unashamedly by couples. This indeed ought not to be. But, that is happening, and at an increasingly alarming rate, which does not augur well for the survival of the marriage institution.

When does sex become a weapon in marriage?

When it is available on certain conditions.

Many wives use sex to obtain certain material benefits from their husbands. These include purchase of household equipments such as kitchen gadgets, washing machine and clothing items. It may even be to secure overseas vacation, and the likes. It is believed that a man can promise heaven and earth, when he wants sex, especially with his extra marital affairs partner. But, many wives have also keyed into the habit. I hope it is not because many wives are also involved in extra marital affairs, these days.

Some men also use sex to obtain some favour from their wives, too. A husband refused to have sex with his wife because she disagreed with him on making a trip together to his home town.

When it is used in quarrels

Some couples stop having sex together when they are quarrelling. They either separate rooms or demarcate bed spaces. Funny? But it is happening. In fact, some will sleep in opposite direction.

While it is true that emotional distress affects sexual feelings, it is not right to use sex as a weapon in such a situation.

Rather, sex should be used to settle quarrels. Once we know we will have to sleep together, it behoves on us to settle our quarrels in bed. In very serious cases, it will also enhance settlement as quickly as possible

When it is obtained by force

While it is not easy to prove the case of rape in a marriage, it is true that sex at times, have been forcefully obtained by couples, especially husbands, in most cases. When this is the case, it may lead to injuries.

Effects of sex as a weapon

• It deprives couples the right to sexual enjoyment in the secured environment.
• It is a point of temptation for infidelity in marriage.
• It leads to emotional trauma for partners who cannot afford to engage in extra marital affairs.
• It endangers the marriage if not dealt with early enough. It may become a cause for divorce, in the long run.

So, couples must ensure that sex does not become a weapon in their marriage. Otherwise, it may become a fire that cannot be quenched at the end of the day, which may snowball into divorce.

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