Errors in marriage (2)

TODAY, we will be considering another aberration in marriage. That is, things that should not be happening in marriage, but have become a norm. However, I have decided to draw our attention to it in order to save the marriage institution from total collapse. Like will dealt with physical assault, especially wife battering last week, we will be considering verbal abuse in this piece.

Abusive language has become a common phenomenon in marriage today. It is not a shameful thing for marriedcouples to talk dirty of themselves, in the heat of quarreling. This should not be happening in marriage. That is, it should be an exception, rather than a rule in marriage. Why should it be that until couples deploy abusive language, from their mouth arsenal, quarrelling has not started? Should this be the order of the day among married couples? If it is happening in other relationships, should its border be extended to the marriage institution?

Is it not puzzling that persons who profess love for each other, live together, have sex together, and share deep secret should now run themselves down through verbal abuse, as if they are suffering from verbal diarrhea? Is not a case of covenant lovers becoming covenant enemies? Have we forgotten that words are like eggs, once broken, cannot be put together again? This is what it is meant by the popular saying that, you cannot derobe a friend in the market place, and then robe him/her back in the house.

In dealing with verbal abuse in marriage, we must avoid the following kinds of words or sayings. It is one of the much needed antidotes to marital disintegration.

• Idle words

Idle words are inappropriate, thoughtless and carelesswords.Words that are spoken loosely.These are words spoken inadvertently just to make a point against another.

• Corrupt Communication:

Corrupt communication includes foul and polluting languages i.e. words that contaminate the mind of a person; evil words,unwholesome and worthlesstalk.

• Evil Speaking

Speaking evil of people must bedone away with. This is to say evil things about one’s partner, whether or not, it is true.

• Hate Speeches

Some words that people speak today fall under what United Nations has termed hate speeches.Hate speeches are words that are born out of hatred and not love. They are words that can provoke a person to quarrel and fight.

Such words should not be spokenby married couples.

We must do all to avoid being provoked to deploy abusive language in settling our differences in marriage.

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