Eight ways to get over your crush

Having a crush can feel fantastic. You look forward to seeing them and feel energised, even euphoric when you spend time together. Depending on the situation, there might even be a chance that the feelings are mutual. 

But when your relationship with your crush doesn’t go anywhere, you might feel crushed. And that feeling is far from fantastic. Maybe your crush involves someone off-limits, such as a married friend or your teacher. 

These crushes are pretty normal, but they’re still tough to get over, even when you know from the start you can’t get involved. You might feel even more devastated when your crush is available but doesn’t return your feelings. In the end, it may not matter why your crush goes unfulfilled: the heartbreak still feels the same. If you’re having a hard time moving on, here are some tips to help.

1. Accept your feelings

Before you can begin getting over a crush, you have to admit it. It’s common to deny romantic feelings at first, especially if you’re crushing on a good friend, your supervisor, or anyone you consider out of reach.

Acknowledgment and acceptance are important first steps in the healing process. Crushes are normal, even ones on people you know you’d never pursue. Pushing down your feelings can prevent you from working through them in productive ways. Instead, they might linger, causing more heartache.

2. Give it time

The agony a crush can cause is pretty universal. If you never tell your crush how you feel, you may not face actual rejection. But it still hurts when your hopes come to nothing.

Fortunately, crushes usually don’t last long, although you might feel like you’ll be miserable forever. It’s pretty common for the strength of your feelings to decrease within a few weeks or months. The amount of time it takes to get over a crush can vary, though. You can take care of yourself by getting enough sleep and supporting yourself with positive self-talk.

3. Consider your crush from a realistic perspective

Crushes often involve idealisation, especially when you don’t know the person well. You might focus on their positive traits, paying less attention to the things that aren’t so great.

Although you and your crush may get along fabulously in some ways, time often reveals sharp contrasts in key values. Maybe you’re vegan and they eat meat, or they’re very spiritual and you’re not. Looking truthfully at the reality of the situation is essential for moving forward. Set aside the things you like about them for a moment and ask yourself about their other traits. Do they align with what you want in a long-term relationship?

4. Avoid letting your feelings consume you

It’s important to express your feelings so you can work through them. But lingering on them can keep you from taking steps to develop a relationship with someone available and romantically interested.

Talking about your crush constantly or spending a lot of time revisiting the pain of rejection makes it tough to move on.

5. Talk about it

If you’re having trouble working through emotions, sharing them with someone you trust can help. They can help you get more perspective, especially if you’re trying to honestly explore how strong they are or consider reasons your crush isn’t an ideal match. Try talking to loved ones, someone you trust who also knows your crush writing out your feelings in a journal or letter, which you don’t have to send.

6. Stay off social media

It’s tempting to look at a crush’s recent photos or see if they’re dating anyone. But once they turn you down or you decide not to pursue them, it’s best to limit your digital involvement. Using social media to peek into their lives makes it easy to fantasize about sharing that life.

Staying digitally connected to a crush through Facebook or Instagram can, accordingly, worsen feelings of sadness about missing out on a life with them.

You don’t need to take permanent action, such as unfriending or blocking them. But it can help to unfollow them and avoid things like checking for new posts or comments, snooping for relationship status updates, or posting things designed to attract their attention.

7. Talk to your crush

Telling your crush how you feel is generally a judgment call on your part. If you’re close friends, you might worry about losing their friendship and decide to wait for the crush to pass. If the crush is mutual, though, telling them how you feel could kick off a relationship. 

Even if it’s not mutual, most adults can handle the disclosure of romantic feelings with grace and compassion. After all, they’ve probably experienced something similar themselves. If they turn you down, it’s best to just go on treating them like you typically would. Avoiding them might suggest that something’s not right between you. This could lead to workplace difficulties or questions from friends.

8. Distract yourself

When trying to work through any relationship grief, from a failed crush to a nasty breakup, distraction is key. It can seem like everything reminds you of your crush, especially if you’re friends or have a lot of common interests. This often hurts even more, since you can’t turn to your favourite music or shared activity.

If that’s the case for you, now is the time to try something new. Take up a new hobby you’ve wanted to try. 

Start a new show instead of nostalgically (or miserably) watching a show you enjoyed with your crush. 

Friends and family who know what you’re going through can also help take your mind off your crush by offering emotional support and suggesting new distractions.

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