Do smart ladies have problems getting suitors?

IT was on a group on a social platform that a lady made a statement that women who are smart are always challenged at getting men who would marry them. The statement generated several views with the backlash coming mostly from fellow women.

The questions that immediately arose was what defined being smart. What being smart was. And what being smart wasn’t. As expected, people begin to raise many issues from that statement. Does marriage mean a union of a very intelligent man to a dumb woman? Does staying or being married literally affects ones intelligent quotient? Do we have people married and still accomplishing greatness? Does marriage necessarily mean that a woman’s chances at success and greatness are now foreclosed? The questions were endless.

In a world where the modern woman is expected to be sophisticated and glamorous which is not bad in itself, it becomes increasingly difficult to differentiate between smartness and sophistication. The two may in cases go along together but they are very distinct. You can be sophisticated and not smart. You can be glamorous and may not be smart. You can even be arrogant and not smart. It is possible to be verbose and even have a good command of language without being necessarily smart. What then does it mean to be smart?

The New International Websters Comprehensive Dictionary defines of the meanings smart as to be “quick in thought or action. Bright, acute and clever.”

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Which presupposes some form of intelligence, some professional brilliance and pure common sense across many different ways. I am sure we even know by now that being educated is not even being smart. Because not every literate person is wise or smart or can wisely apply the knowledge that they have.

There is a mistake being made nowadays that once you attend school, and you can make a little conversation, speak some passable English with some form of foreign accent, then you are smart. When I interview interns or externs who apply for internship and externship programmes in my place of work, I start by asking them very simple questions. I take a look at the curriculum vitaes and ask them questions regarding what they have professed to be on their cvs. Many begin to falter right from there. Many cannot even answer the question of why they are in our office to apply for the internship. They cannot even successfully defend their applications for all the sheen and glamour that they outwardly present.

A person is smart irrespective of gender, colour, status, pedigree or race. Marriage does not diminish intelligence of either a man or woman. Relationship does not as well. In my own view, I believe that intelligent people will be naturally attracted to each other. Therefore there should be a clear understanding that to be smart does not necessarily mean to be loud. It does not mean to be arrogant. It does not mean to be rude. There is a world of difference.

A year ago, one of our externs emerged as the best in the written online test that they did. When he came for the oral interview. He was a little shy. But he was very intelligent. He wasn’t cocky or brash or rude or arrogant. But he displayed a calm confidence and when he spoke, he made a lot of sense. He had what we were looking for. The basic requirement of a good litigator. Not only did have his externship with us, we ended up retaining him after his period of externship.

It is not in doubt that intelligent people may have challenges forming close friendships with people that flow on their own peculiar wave length. But people also ought to understand that intelligence transcends just being book smart, some people are not necessarily books smart but they are smart in other ways. Some are street smart knowing how to survive and cut a niche, in the hard, unforgiving street. Others are very smart in business, for others it’s the arts, some excel in culinary skills. Others in technology or handwork. People need to broaden their minds. To appreciate the skills and talent embedded in others. To appreciate the uniqueness in other people and to if possible build great partnerships therefrom.

Intelligent people will attract other intelligent people but the question to ask if certain intelligence are not weighed down by arrogance that prevents from seeing and appreciating the level of smartness in others. Many people have lost what would have been good and solid relationships through looking for glamour and sophistication as intelligence. To get the best of people, you need to look beyond the cover and scratch beyond the surface to get to the rich and creamy parts.

There are so many rough diamonds in the making, if we only look beyond the dirt to see gloss within.

Sometimes gritty rocks in fact hide precious gems.