What couples who are killing it in the bedroom do

BEING completely open and honest in a romantic relationship isn’t always the easiest thing to do.

Even in long-term monogamous relationships, we’ve been trained to keep our deepest sexual fantasies handcuffed to us like a briefcase filled with nuclear codes. We all have them — we all have the sexy daydreams or imagined scenarios that really get our motors running. However, there’s a big divide between our ability to have fantasies and our abilities to SHARE them With ANYONE.

Admitting that you have a sexual fantasy can be scary, but the happiest long-term couples know how important it can be, and it can pay off BIG TIME.

Here are four things that the happiest, healthiest, most sexually adventurous couples do to bring their sexual fantasies to life — four steps that allow them to bypass their fears of bedroom rejection and discover what truly uninhibited, monogamous sex can look like.

 They introduce the idea.

You have to start somewhere. This doesn’t mean that you have to immediately tell your partner, “I want to be the naughty apple picker and you’re the strict farmhand.” It does mean that you have to find a way to let your partner know that you want to explore your sexual fantasies.

A great way to do this is to inform your partner that they’re an essential part of your fantasy. You can say things like “Hey, I had the sexiest dream about you the other day…” or “Sometimes when we’re having sex, I imagine you…”

This lets them know from the start that you see them as a vital part of your sexual dream-life, which can be both flattering and intriguing.

They explore their fantasy options.

But what if you don’t know what you’re into yet? Or what if you want to find a sexually compatible fantasy that works for both of you?

It can be scary initiating this kind of discussion but you must try.

Just don’t put all the pressure on yourself to come up with the perfect fantasy. Take advantage of the resources out there that can help.

They allow themselves to laugh.

This step is so important. Revealing your sexual fantasies can make you feel extremely vulnerable, and what’s one of the most common responses when we feel nervous or unsure of ourselves? We LAUGH.

If you’re acting out a fantasy with a partner, you have to recognize that you’re occasionally going to break character, screw something up, or, yes, even giggle. But this kind of laughter isn’t derisive — it’s a sign that you’re actually having fun.

There’s nothing wrong with taking your sexual fantasy seriously, but you don’t want to take it too seriously. Remember to enjoy yourself first and foremost.

They learn and adapt.

Communication might be the key to developing an active and fulfilling sex life, but it shouldn’t end once you say “I want to try something different in the bedroom.”

When you’re exploring sexual fantasies, it’s a smart idea to keep up an ongoing conversation about what’s working and what’s not. Because you might finally try that shower fantasy you’ve dreamt about since college, only to realize that there are certain aspects you LOVED and others you didn’t. That doesn’t mean that you failed, it just means you’re learning.

It’s an iterative process. You try new things. Some will work, some won’t, and some will REALLY work and you won’t ever be able to imagine your sex life without them.

Just try to keep the lines of communication open while you’re testing out new fantasies. Everyone is unique, so don’t be afraid to mix and match, alter, change, and customize your experience to discover what works best for you, both individually and as a couple.

Adventurous couples find ways to share their sexual fantasies with each other.

If that idea makes you nervous, learn from our four key pieces of advice and take your intimacy with your partner to the next level.

• Culled from www.yourtango.com