Communicating respect and love in marriage

RESPECT and Love are two key ingredients necessary for  building of a great marriage. It is no longer a secret among married couples, because there is a growing awareness about it. Respect and love are the two greatest needs of husbands and wives respectively. That is, for a husband, respect is like his live wire; without it he feels less like the husband in the marriage. Likewise, for the wife, love is her greatest need that must be fully met in marriage, otherwise she feels like a beast of burden in the relationship.

Despite this growing awareness about the importance of respect and love in the making of a great marriage, the two ingredients have remained  serious sources of conflict in marriage. Why? Many couples have not been able to communicate respect and love to each other in the marriage. This is so because many of them have not been able to effectively communicate respect and love to each other. That is, the recipients do not receive it: what husband communicates as love is not received by the wife, and what the wife is communicating as respect is not received by the husband. Therefore, respect and love has become a recurring decimal in the marriage.

How do we then achieve effective communication for respect and love in marriage? This can be achieved by ensuring that the recipients receive what is being communicated as respect and love.

Respect should be understood in the light of the following:

• Argument is not respect. That is, you cannot be arguing with someone you respect. Argument means debating, thus proving your points. Or better stated proving that you are right.
• Confrontation is not respect. You cannot be confrontational in discussing with your husband. Doing so comes across to him as disrespect.
• Being boastful in discussing with your husband does not communicate respect. A boastful wife is a disrespectful figure to her husband.
• Threatening posture does not communicate respect to your husband.
• Exchanging words with your husband do not communicate respect to him. When you exchange words with your husband, you are not showing respect to him, especially when it is tending towards hurtful, hot argument.

These are some of the reasons husbands feel their wives are disrespectful. Wives must know when to call it quit when discussion is tending towards confrontational argument.

Love should be understood in the light of the following:

• Love is not abusive. You don’t communicate love by physically abusing your wife.
• Love is not stingy, but gives. Love for a wife will propel her husband to give gifts to her, as occasions demand. It is not how expensive that matters, but the heart with which it is done. Husbands should ensure that they occasionally buy gifts, in person, for their wives. Don’t just give her cash to buy herself gifts only, spare time to personally buy her gifts occasionally.
• Love is not loud in discussing with his wife. You cannot be harassing your wife, and claim you love her.
• Love is not selfish. Don’t think about yourself above your wife. Keep her constantly in mind for any good you have in mind. Let her come first in your list of priority.
• Love does not jeopardise his wife place for another woman. Let her be the only woman occupying the first place in your life. That is why Obama’s wife wrote recently “There is nothing that threatens the security of a wife than the thought of another woman competing for the attention and affection of her husband. Nothing is more painful. Nothing is more disrespecting. Nothing is more insulting. Nothing is more belittling and degrading.

Couples who can communicate respect and love in the manners stated above, among others, will enjoy a great marriage, that will be like heaven on earth.

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